And what is one to do when they are mentally exhausted?
Bust out the Coconut Parrot Bay, that’s what.
The boys begged me to let them spend the night at a neighbors house tonight. I didn’t want to let them at first, but I am so damn exhausted, I said “YES!”
At first, Tony was pissed off that I said yes, then, IT CLICKED.
“No boys.” “Rum.” “She’s not wearing a bra.” “I’m horny.” “Penis.” “Vagina.”
Next thing you know, he was all “Have fun boys!” and “Can I get that rum and coke started for ya, baby?”
See, we both get a little too excited when we get a night without the boys because having sex with growing boys in the house is dangerous business. Especially now that one of them has taken The Puberty Classes and knows what Mommies and Daddies do. So, when they’re not here, it’s like NAKED PARTY FOR TWO IN THE BEDROOM.
When the boys were a bit younger, we used to joke about tying cow bells to Andrew’s ankles because I SWEAR TO GOD, every damn time we’d get our groove on, we’d hear him crawl out of bed and we’d have to jump into the “Fake Sleeping” position whilst pulling up our pants to avoid getting caught.
We’d be like “CAN HE SMELL THE SEX? WHAT THE HELL? COWBELLS FOR HIM!’
(this is the part where the “coconut” is kicking in, so, um, keep that in mind.)
We were always careful to shut the door and to be very quiet.
But there was this one night….
Tony wanted to Do It. And I was like “Let’s!” And so, the clothes came off, the bodies started touching and next thing you know, we were Full on Boinking. ON A WEEK NIGHT! Because we are Fuh-reekay, like that.
I don’t want to get too graphic here because there are certain people named MELLY who get all grossed out when I even MENTION having The Sex with PigHunter, but, um, he was “on top” Gettin’ Jiggy Wit’ It and all of a sudden, he STOPPED.
Then he looked at me. Then, he looked to see where my hands were.
To his HORROR they were NOT touching his ass.
Next thing I know is I hear my son’s very sweet voice uttering the following words.
“hehehe, I’m touching your booty butt, daddy.”
He rolled off of me, I pulled the covers over my Lovely Lady Lumps and um, he pulled the covers over his “booty butt” and we both just layed there wondering what to say to this sweet, innocent little 4 year old who had just squeezed his fathers NAKED, CAUGHT IN THE ACT OF THE BUMP AND GRIND A-S-S.
He laughed again, “hehehe…I saw your naked butt, daddy!”
“Yes, you did. Why did you get up from bed?”
“I was thirsty. heheh BOOTY BUTT.”
We realized he had NO CLUE what he had just, uh, “stumbled upon” and so we said as little as possible, perhaps something about “Wrestling” and sent him back to his bed.
He never mentioned another word about it, and NEITHER DID WE.
Moral of this story?
NEVER DO IT WITH THE DOOR UNL0CKED and if you must?? (because your husband keeps “forgetting” to buy a new door knob with a lock on it because “he can hear them when they get up, so don’t worry and GET NAKED, WOMAN.) COWBELLS, people.