In our house, it’s always been the rule to refer to the Penis as The Penis.
Not as The Weenis. Nor as The Pee Pee. Nor as The Weiner.
No cutsey, baby names allowed.
I remember one time when Andrew was about 2, he went for a ride on his little electric tractor with my little brother. Andrew was riding in the back, holding on to my brother’s waist. As they raced by, we all heard Andrew shout, “Uncle Tim, scoot up, your squishing my penis.”
My mom looked at me all horrified and said “I’m sorry, Y, but there’s something creepy about a child that little saying PENIS.”
I just rolled my eyes, because, UM, THAT’S WHAT IT IS. A PENIS. Would it really be better if he said “Weiner?”
I’ll never forget the first time he asked about MY penis.
I informed him that girls don’t have a penis, but rather, a vagina.
Oh, how he laughed and laughed. He thought vagina was the funniest word he’d ever heard.
Later that night, I was taking a leak when I heard giggling outside of the bathroom door.
“Andrew, what are you doing?” I asked from behind the locked door.
He continued to giggle and blurted out “I hear you going pee out of your china.”
I seriously was going to make a point with this post, but now I can’t stop thinking about “My China” and I forgot where I was going with this.
Ha! Ha! Ha! “My china”
Do you remember when I told you that my daughter was “part beaver”?
And I showed you clear and convincing evidence to back that claim up?
Well, The Beaver is OUT OF CONTROL, people.
I have no idea that I hadn’t noticed until YESTERDAY how bad her wood eating habit had become. I pointed to it last night and said “What did you do?!” and, as Tony is my witness, she walked over, put her mouth on it and STARTED TO BITE IT.
And people wonder why I REFUSE to buy expensive furniture with young kids in the house.
I’m not going to lie, I’m upset about it, because I can’t have anything nice. My kids always end up ruining it somehow, whether it be with a permenant marker, a knife or THEIR TEETH. But, I’m trying to have a sense of humor about it and saying things like “It’s JUST FURNITURE.” or “That’s what babies do!”
Right, because ALL babies eat wood!
In closing, I have no idea how this post went from “Penis to Beaver” but hey, at least I bring up The Tuna. (And trust me, I have a Tuna story to tell. Another day, people, another day.)