Too bad I didn’t have a blog back then, because The Internet NEVER would have let me wear that veil.

I believe I wrote about “My Big Fat Stupid Ugly Germican Wedding” once before. However, today, I was doing what I do when I get emotional…looking through photo albums. As I flipped through the pages of my wedding album, I thought OMG!  I have to take pictures of this for The Internet to see how HILARIOUS my wedding was.
People. It IS hilarious.
I must defend myself before you see these pictures.
1.) It was 1990. “Bigger” “Puffier” = “Better”
2.) I was only 19 years old. My parents still controlled everything
that I did. I’m not bringing that up because I’m bitter, but
because that explains a)why I am NOT wearing makeup. b)why I am
NOT wearing jewelery. c) MY HAIR
3.) I wish I had a third reason, but I don’t. But, man, I wish I
did.
Are you ready for Pure Puffy Hotness?

Let’s start with The Bangs, shall we? Because I KNOW you’re freaked out by The Bangs. A week before the wedding, I had no bangs. My hair was all one length and MAN, was it long. My friend was going to pay for this really awesome stylist named “Johnny” to do my hair. BUT, for reasons that I will not get into here, my parents didn’t want “Johnny” to do my hair, SO, I decided to use my mom’s friend’s “stylist” (and I use that term VERY LOOSELY). She decided to chop me some bangs, an entire TOP OF MY HEAD worth of ‘em and RAT THEM TO HEAVEN. Then, she just put the rest of my hair in a BUN that half fell out before the wedding even started. Perfect!
The Veil. What can I say about The Veil? “IT was HUGE?” “Man, that’s a LOT of pearls!” Seriously. It is what it is. And, what it is, was FUGLY.
The Dress. I was so damn proud of those “puffy sleaves”. I aint even gonna lie. What I did not realize was how “Amish” the dress was. Because… THERE IS NO SKIN SHOWING WHATSOEVER. But, hey, it had puffy sleaves AND “A Train” “With Bows”!
Lack of makeup/jewelery. It was against my parents religion. That’s all I can say about that.

I think I’ll let those pictures speak for themselves.

Remember, I said “Bigger”=”Better”? That would be why my cake was BIGGER THAN GOD. 3 foot base cake, with 4 round cakes, a fountain, and a stairway to heaven. Don’t be jealous of my Cake With A Fountain.

There is ONE picture from our wedding that I love. For several reasons. My Tiny Waist, the smile on Tony’s face (because, you know why.), how happy we look.  And for a moment, when I look at that picture, I forget how, um, HORRIBLE everything about our wedding was, but then, I LOOK AT THIS WITH THE HAIR STYLE FROM HELL and I am reminded that, yeah, our wedding was so very ugly. (But so very hilarious. At least I can laugh about it.)

60 thoughts on “Too bad I didn’t have a blog back then, because The Internet NEVER would have let me wear that veil.

  1. Louise

    Listen, it was 1990. That’s all you have to say, and everything else is forgiven.
    (someone did that haircut to me, too. I had super-long down my back hair, and this lady decided that I needed bangs that went so far back I almost had a mullet. And the sad part is that my hair wouldn’t even agree with the teasing, so it wouldn’t even stick up! No matter how much hairspray was used! aaah, 1990.)

  2. hed

    You know, I got married in 2001, and already the stuff is starting to look hilarious. I think they do that on purpose. Make you spend (in my case)$1100 on a dress, only to have it look friggin’ hilarious in about 5 years. I have to face it. I looked more like the wedding cake than the cake. Ohhhh. No. But at least I’ll have something funny to show the kids later on.
    -H

  3. Colleen

    You look like such a BABY in those pictures!!! Isn’t it funny how young we look when we’re 19, but how old and grown up we feel when we’re that age? Good grief I thought I knew everything when I was that age.
    I dig your husband’s glasses. Hee hee.

  4. hed

    Come to think of it I too, had that very same hairstyle in 1990. And my prom dress… had the same sort of sleeves. Talk about trying not to bump into other girls on the dance floor. Oh, it was an icebreaker… So, darling, really, you were at the height of fashion!
    1990. Gotta love that year.
    -H

  5. Kate

    Ok – besides the hair/veil/no make-up thing, I think you looked so beautiful (and WAY too young! LOL) in your photographs. Hey, it was 1990 – there are thousand of other brides who had the puffy hair/veil combo.

  6. Itchy

    I love your pictures. It was 1990 – that’s how we all looked. Though…I can relate. When I look at my wedding pictures (1995) I wish we could get remarried so I can have a prettier dress! Not that I didn’t love my dress at the time – but it’s just so dated now. But at least I have proof that I did at one time have a tiny waist!
    Long time lurker…first time poster. Wedding pictures will make me comment every time! :D

  7. Mari

    Girrrl, you had a cake with a fountain and a staircase? I ENVY YOU! My whole natural life, I dreamt of a cake with a fountain (I wanted my water to be purple) and a staircase, with little tiny bridesmaids and groomsmen on the STAIRCASES. I loved that!
    I like those pictures, you know why? Because no matter how big or poufy or unstylish you think it looks now… you both look like you’re in heaven. You loved each other so much and still do. And THAT is what is evident in those photos.

  8. vdoprincess

    I want the hair. I was only 9 in 1990, but I wanted my bangs like that, and they WOULDN’T POUF. Evil hair.
    I’m planning my wedding right now, and so far my mantra has been “when I look at these pictures in 20 years, will I groan?” But I dunno-those are so awesome that I’m tempted to just make everything very current and fab, and give the kids a good laugh later. (Who am I kidding? They are going to laugh no matter what. Especially when they figure out what mom and dad had to DO to bring them into the world.)

  9. Mary

    hahaha
    I was going to comment on the glasses too.
    I had some just like them but they were dark frames. Made me look like an owl!
    Do you think you learned from your wedding what NOT to do in 25 years?
    Or will it fade and you will do the same thing?

  10. stephanie

    Oh sweetie, if you want to talk about dated, you should see pictures from my aunt and uncle’s wedding in 1977 – his tux was black and white paisley. PAISLEY!!! And he had a giant moustache, to top it all off.
    There are still plenty of women who wear wedding dresses like that today. Well, maybe not with quite so puffy sleeves, but for many women, the more pouffy and princessy and beaded and lacy the dress, the better. The veil, though? Very 1990.

  11. cmhl

    oh my, I think we could have been wedding twins. except for hte makeup part— I was married in 1994, and for some reason though that the $2 hooker look would equate to virginal and chaste. Wrong on all counts!!!!
    hahaha.

  12. geeky

    dude, that cake is pretty kickass! and my mom totally did my bangs like that in 1990. and she wonders why i don’t plan on letter her near me on my wedding day… i’m doing the same thing vdoprincess is doing – “will this look totally ridiculous in photos later?” unfortunately, i’m pretty sure no matter what the answers is “yes”.

  13. Y

    I would have given ANYTHING to have been able to paint my face like a 2 dollah ho on that day.
    Except stand up to my parents. Oh, noooo.

  14. Lisa

    That cake is scary.
    Did you go blind from the reflection off of Tony’s glasses as you were looking into his eyes at the altar? ;) (Kidding!!!)
    You know that wedding dress will be back in style in another ten years!
    (You looked beautiful in it, though!)

  15. heatherg

    I thought the cake was great and the wedding looked great and the dress was great, and all was in 1990 and was all very stylish back then !

  16. Tammy/averagemom

    I am so sorry about the alien space ship that landed on your head during the wedding. That IS what the huge white starburst on your head is, right?!
    I wore make-up at my wedding, but same as you, the parents religion made things weird. We had no meat at the reception. No booze. No meat. My new father-in-law barely survived.

  17. Nopoodle

    ROFL…I dunno, I think the best part of that whole montage was that at the bottom of the post, after seeing the last picture you’re ashamed of, is those two kids sitting on the bed with G screaming her ass off.
    You had bad hair, but you make great kids.

  18. Debbie

    I liked you until I got a look at that cake! Damn! That’s an awesome cake. I’ve never even been a guest at a wedding that had a cake like that.
    I think the look on Tony’s face was “Man, I get to stuff her enchilada that I can see right now with my X-Ray glasses!
    Honestly, I think you look beautiful….and a lot like Gabby.

  19. Amy

    These photos just made me laugh so loud I woke my daughter up. I love them! You two are ADORABLE.
    Wonder what Gabby’s wedding dress will look like . . think she’ll want to wear yours?

  20. Joelle

    Good lord, woman. It looks like you’d need a shirpa to help you trek across that wedding cake. :)
    You look beautiful; it’s your WEDDING day, for pete’s sake! But, I won’t blow sunshine up your ass: the sepia do kind of remind me of those old fashioned saloon photos you’d take at the mall. Remember those? I have one somewhere from 8th grade that is SO BAD…
    *finds*

  21. Annika

    What I can’t believe is that you had the BIGGEST HAIR ON EARTH, and it was covered by the BIGGEST VEIL ON EARTH, and yet…you still were STUNNING!

  22. Mindy

    Joelle beat me to it—I was going to ask if the dress and tuxedo were tied up the back. Haaaaaaaa!
    Girl, we’ve all done wrong and blamed it on 1990. Or in my case, 1989. You may have been virginal, but I was strapless. WITH A BOLERO. And a bow like a chevy on my ass.

  23. girlpease

    Actually, I like the veil/dress. Then again, I grew up on the South Side of Chicago with an Italian and Polish. Trust me, I was the QUEEN of bad taste and style.

  24. elizabeth

    Regardless of the year, you looked beautiful and happy! I just looked at my wedding pictures from 2001, and they don’t look outdated… yet. We look happy, and that’s what I think counts.
    I had glasses like that in the late 80′s, but they were red… this cute guy in 6th grade called me Sally (jesse raphael).

  25. Jen

    You guys look HAPPY and that’s all that counts. And seriously, a blog back then wouldn’t have saved you because that was the style. Women would have been saying “I love the veil, I love the hair” etc. At least you have pictures to look back at and make fun of, all I have is, well, nothing (our wedding consisted of a courthouse and $25). No wait, I think the “oh, it’s only $13 because it’s on clearance!” white dress I bought at Deb’s in the mall is turning yellow in a closet someplace. So our “wedding” was $38.

  26. Fiona

    that cake…OMG that cake…i can’t get over it !!!!!
    you looked beautiful but soooooooo young!!!! and the best part is that you two are still together after all this time….the love on that day continues to shine through for you both…it’s awesome to see *VBS*
    ummm that veil…..that one pic where tony can’t even get near you coz of it…..
    aaah thank you so much for that….made my day….really did

  27. debutaunt

    I got married 20 days after I met my husband. We told our friends on Wednesday that we were getting married on Saturday. I wore a black evening suit. BLACK. And I had wedding flan. Yes. FLAN.
    But at least I don’t have any pictures of butt bows …
    Then again, I’m single now. I’d rather have pictures of poof than a jacked up marriage.

  28. Michelle

    Forget the veil. I’m still dealing with Tony’s glasses. Did the eye doctor think that his cheeks were nearsighted too?
    But yeah- that is one big ass veil. lol
    You were a very pretty bride though- you looked so happy and in love and excited to be married. You two are a great couple.

  29. vicki

    I think they are funny and wonderful. You both look so happy! The bangs are fitting. The cake is- no comment. These are great, Y. And now, bug Mamacita until she posts her wedding pictures as she says she will. I want to see those, too.

  30. Suzi

    I had hair just like that. And I can’t blame it on my mother. It was all me. (And all 1988.)
    I think your dress is beautiful. Maximum princess dress. And who doesn’t want to be a princess on her wedding day?
    But the picture of the two of you is the best. Because you can see how happy you are. And you still are.
    Congratulations.

  31. Autumn

    Mmmm….big cake.
    When Gabby gets married, that dress and veil will be back in fashion and she’ll scream happily and hug you and say “Oh yes, mom! I want to wear that at my wedding” You just wait.
    Glad you’re back. :)

  32. kim

    i think i just peed a little from laughing so hard. but let me clarify that i laughed in a more than loving way. this is awesome!!! and i hope in 15 years i’ll still be as much in love with my man and be able to look at hilariously unstylish but yet so cute (in their own, happy way) pictures ;)

  33. Esperanza

    Dang girl, ya make me wanna go get a can of Pink AquaNet (do they still make that???) and tease myself up some BANGS!
    Cute photos though; oh the good ‘ole days of the tiny waist, I remember them well.

  34. kimmie

    Yvonne, I laugh at that. not because it is hilarious, well okay really it is… but because I too was married in the early 90′s and know ALL about the big poofy bangs and the big pufy sleeves… although I had a big puffy tummy to go with my puffy sleeves!!! I seriously look back at my weedding pictures and pictures from when I had my kids for that matter and think “What the hell was I thinking”. But your mom’s friends ‘stylist’ sure did a number on those bangs! good thing you are as beautiful as you are or they would look well…. I won’t say.
    Have a good weekend girlie! Oh and you mention that it is against your parents religion to wear make-up, if you don’t mind me asking can I ask what religion that is, it sounds VERY similar to my husbands parents religion. You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to or you can also email me if you want.

  35. Christine

    Dude, how I remember those veils. Everyone was doing them. I had to hunt high and low to find one that wasn’t a poofy thing with the “Tonto headband” as I liked to call it.
    I tried to find a way to comment on your pictures with your always beautiful and amazing daughter over on Flickr, but … alas, there was no option. :( So I will say it here – those ones of you and her, where you are spending some time “girl talking”? FABULOUS. What a beautiful moment. Treasure those – she is amazing! (And so are you!)

  36. mgg

    Two things,
    1. Your dress reminds me of the wedding dress at the end of the film “The Little Mermaid,” which came out in approximately 1990 and since I was 6 or 7 at the time forever established the concept of what a wedding is supposed to look like in my mind as a grand affair on a boat with puffy sleeves just like yours (I got married last week and poet sleeves won out over puffy for some reason).
    2. The phrase “I’m like THIS CLOSE to Stuffing her Enchilada,” is wickedly hilarious. :)

  37. Nicole

    When I saw your cake it made me sad. Not for you, that cake was high class on your wedding day! But for my friend who had the four tier, fountain, and stairway to heaven cake at her wedding…..just this past JUNE!!!!

  38. JesseeezMom

    Thank You for the memory!
    I was married in 1989 and my mom MADE my dress. Oh it was sooo beautiful… in 1989.. Same glorious puffy sleeves, dress was shorter in the front with a big bow and a long train. My cake compared to yours= mine was Fiesta Village to your DisneyLand. We did have a huge champage fountain- lots of fun.
    My mom took me to her hairdresser who gave me a VERY sensible and ladylike french twist. It was the 80′s and I LOVED big hair. After my mom and dad were already in the car I stayed behind and ratted my hair up, but at the same time tried to be subtle, so as not to alert the mom. Within 45 seconds of getting into the car BEHIND her (she didn’t even turn her head around!) she was yelling WTH did you do to your hair!! hahaha!
    I’m going to drag my book out and laugh tonite! haven’t done that in so long, maybe I’ll find the video so we can watch my brother dip his girlfriend and knock her head on the floor a few times.

  39. Jennifer

    Your joking aside (which had me laughing out loud), I still think it was a beautiful wedding, you were a beautiful bride, and your husband was a handsome groom. Even more beautiful was how happy you two looked and how you are still together with a wonderful family.
    I can only hope to be so lucky.
    Regarding the glasses — am I the only one who never even noticed the ridiculous enormity of late ’80s / early ’90s glasses until I looked back at them years later? It’s like these crazy fads seem to sneak themselves into society so quietly and unnoticed until years later when we’re all like, “WHAT was I THINKING??”. (Bubble skirts, anyone?) When I recently ran across my old ’90s glasses and tried them on, I thought, “OH MY GOSH! What a dork I am — I must have accidentally bought men’s glasses and didn’t even know it!!” Sadly, no, I realized that they were indeed women’s glasses — just the gigando ’90s style.
    ~Jennifer

  40. Helen

    I just love the hwole thing, the cake was just …well what was it? I am a cake kind of gal, did it taste good? I might still be at the table and there would still be cake left 17 years later…..wonderful pictures!

  41. kim at allconsuming

    That is gold. Pure gold.
    1. That weird bit of the veil that’s clearly covering the goitre on the back of your head – was that the way your parents kept Tony from getting too close to you?
    2. That cake – I’m a little disappointed. Where were the doves?

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