The one in which I say “And MAN” constantly

I was recently interviewed by Regina Lynn from Wired News.
She was doing a story about the annual “Boobiethon”. I spoke with her on Tuesday evening and after we talked about the ‘Thon, the subject turned to my blog.
She gave me some extremely awesome compliments, told me that she loved my blog and had spent an hour reading it, then… THEN, she said that, are you ready for this? I was a “great writer”.
A professional WRITER thinks I’m a “great writer.”
Go figure. (And yes, I do believe that was a Toot of my Own Horn)
After the complimenting of my great writing skillz (Ha! Haaa!), the conversation quickly turned to The Fat. She told me she could totally relate to my struggle with The Fat. We had a really great conversation about our body issues, I really appreciated her perspective.
After our phone call, I sent her an email that said we should meet up for coffee sometime, that way, she could see “that I’m not lying when I talk about my weight and how gross I really am.”
Funny stuff, RIGHT?
Not so much. This was her response.

the way i see it, if we women keep telling our lovers that we’re huge and gross, eventually they will believe us .. and then that steady stream of “you’re beautiful” dries up … and then perhaps we drive them to go find a woman who isn’t huge and gross (translation: who doesn’t tell them she’s huge and gross, because the men wouldn’t have noticed if we hadn’t old them … )
I’m not saying that you’ll lose your husband if you don’t shut up. LMAO!!! i’m just saying that since you’re NOT huge and gross, and your husband knows it and I know it, it makes me wonder what’s really behind it. what’s the real worry there? that someone won’t love us, or that we’re not deserving of love, and as long as we are “huge and gross” we can pretend it’s because of that rather than admit what disgusting people we really are inside?
sigh. it’s so complicated being female, isn’t it? and ex-Catholic (in my case).

Whoa, huh?
I haven’t been able to stop thinking about those words since I read them. They’ve been bouncing around my head ‘err since. A LOT to think about right there. And man, am I thinking about it.
I also haven’t been able to stop thinking about whether she would actually “quote” me in her article.
Well, she did and MAN, I’m SO glad I asked her not to link my blog. I’m feeling slightly embarassed at what I said, but, then again, I have this problem where I think everything I say or do is “dumb”. (I’M WORKING ON THAT, SO DON’T LECTURE ME) But, yeah, I’m glad I asked to NOT be linked. HA!
(That’s right, I turned down a BUTTLOAD of hits. I bare my soul on this blog, and the thought of thousands of people clicking over here FREAKS ME OUT. I don’t write here to get a ton of hits. I write here because it’s cheap therapy, because I connect with people who I can relate to, who understand where I’m coming from, who are supportive and kind. I write here because I enjoy writing.)
Well, that, and because I love talking about farts, boobs and vaginas on The Internet.

21 thoughts on “The one in which I say “And MAN” constantly

  1. Ms. Q

    1. You ARE a great writer.
    2. For the millionth time, you are not fat and gross.
    3. Regina Lynn is right. I completely agree with what she said. You have to stop saying it. Everytime you think about saying it, replace it with something less harsh and more real like “I am not as healthy as I want to be but I am ____”. Keep saying that until you believe it as strongly as what you believe now.
    What you focus on EXPANDS. For example, if you focus on your ass, it expands! At least it seems to the more you obsess over it. Focus on something you can do or something you want to do or something good about yourself. It will overtake the expansion of your ass. I promise.

  2. Jennifer

    YAY YVONNE!!! I’m sorry, I could not help but go to the Wired News website, and YOUR QUOTE was on the HOME PAGE…
    “These are our boobs and we’re raising money with them.”
    You sounded anything but dumb. I’m so proud!! *tear* :)

  3. ben

    Y,
    I saw you in the article and of course knew who it was. And my very. first. thought. was “dayum, I’d love to see her picture.” My very second thought was “if she doesn’t feel comfortable showing it, then I respect that.”
    You are one hot momma, but no matter how many people say or write that, what really matters is how you feel in your own skin, which is something we internet stalkers, er, fans can’t really change.
    I dunno what to think about the “huge and gross” bit; I have a little weight to lose myself (okay, a lot) and I know it affects my self esteem, but I’m sure I feel it differently than you do. The same way two people who are the same height will deal with tall (or short) jokes differently and it will affect them in different ways. Weight is not simply a statistic, it’s much more than that.
    Keep on keepin on, though, and if you DO wanna share a wet t pic or more, well, you’ve got my e-mail (winks)

  4. Heatheranne

    Hmmm. Interesting. Something for me to think about because man I do tell my husband like every night how fat I am and I point to my belly and mention that it looks like I’m very pregnant. Does your hubby get pissed at you when you talk about how you feel you look? Mine does, he gets totally pissed and pulls out the guilt by saying “I think you’re beautiful and I don’t know why what I think matters to you. I wish I did matter more.” Damn!

  5. Aitch

    But we (the commentors) tell you what she said all the time, tons and tons of times, what makes her email so much more valid than everyone elses every other time?

  6. ratty

    sometimes, i think, when something that has been reiterated comes to you from left field [knocking you up the side of your head AGAIN], it just hits the right nerve at the right time :)
    i enjoy your writing immensely, y . . . you’re honest and funny and real.

  7. trish

    It was a great article, I read it this morning. It was so nice to see an article with a POSITIVE twist towards bloggers and blogging, huh? Congrats! And you know I think you’re beautiful.

  8. Y

    Aitch… where did I say that her opinion was MORE VALUABLE?!
    I didn’t say that.
    I just thought it was kind of funny that a “professional writer” complimented me.
    That wasn’t meant to insult the readers who have told me that they think that I am a good writer.
    Damn it, I WASN’T TRYING TO INSULT ANYONE.
    sigh….

  9. jennifer

    She probably wasn’t referring to the “great writer” comment. I think she was referring to the “huge and gross” points in the email from Regina Lynn.

  10. katrina

    Sometimes loving yourself (as you know) means loving the bits about yourself you’re not all that happy with – like asses and tummies. But if something about you means that you tend to obsess about about assfat and tummie – well – then you just need to love that you’ve obsessive.
    Y – I think the way you talk about yourself is OK – because I can see that you’re accepting your crazy obsessiveness as just a part of who you are. You can laugh at yourself, you sometimes get upset with yourself – but mostly you just deal with it – and that’s admirable, and you should be proud of it.
    Moreover – unlike what Regina implied – I think your husband and your family and all those people who know you really well and love you understand this about you as well. And sometimes they might worry about you (like when you’re feeling self-destructive) but they also respect you – JUST FOR BEING WHO YOU ARE. The whole package.
    And Y – you are a fantastic writer. THe other day I was thinking about your writing and trying to understand why I love it so much – and I think it’s because of the incredibly skillful way you use storytelling in your blog. No matter what it is you’re writing about – you write to your audience (whoever they might be) and the experience from an audience perspective is delightful. So many other bloggers just talk to themselves, but you have a natural gift for storytelling.

  11. FlippyO

    I think you misunderstood Aitch. Lemme smooth your hackles back down. I understand both your point and her point. Your point is that you heard what we’ve been saying from someone, say, outside your “fan base”. Sometimes that registers more than getting support from those you kinda expect to support you. That addresses what Aitch was saying.
    It’s not that what we say isn’t important, but sometimes it really registers when it comes from, say, the girl behind the counter at Starbucks, because she doesn’t really have to care about our feelings and such.
    Anyway, cool about the interview. And of course, you’re a good writer, otherwise we wouldn’t be here. We’re discernin’ folk, doncha know.

  12. Y

    Flipp-ay.
    You so smart.
    I just didn’t want anyone to be offended with what I said because I didn’t mean it that way.
    And? It’s not like because a “professional” said it that I suddenly BELIEVE IT NOW.
    Know what I”m saying?

  13. FlippyO

    We get it. Cuz really, she isn’t a “fat professional”, because if you want that, hey, more of us qualify than not. But mmmm, I’m having pizza for dinner and watching my recording of The Amazing Race. I don’t want to hear from any “fat professionals” tonight.

  14. Aitch

    Yeah I meant it exactly the way Flippy-O said. I think you’re totally beautiful and hot and smart and an awesome moms. Oh, and of course a great writer but I was referring to the body image part. I have told you so many times, just wondering why you took what she said to heart. But again FlippyO hit the nail on the head about that part.

  15. Sarcastic Journalist

    Y, the reason you say it is because you beat them to the punch. Like “ha! I said I’m dumb so if you call me dumb, it doesn’t matter!” Same with “The Fat.”
    So, stop assuming the worst in people and assume that we don’t judge you on what you look like, real or imagined.

  16. reese

    I thought that was you in the article! :) And I wanted to tell you that I hope you share your boobs in the boobiethon. After all, they’ve fed your beautiful daughter. And they are beautiful in and of themselves. I am glad this woman’s email has given you some food (ahahaha. I kid ;) ) for thought :)

  17. Amy

    I’m reading this book right now called, “Searching For God Knows What” by Donald Miller. Good stuff, but that’s besides the point.
    In there, I just read a passage where he talks about what he likes in other writers and what makes them compelling for him. His description immediately made me think of your blog. Then I come here tonight and read this post about your writing, so I have to go get the book now and find that part and type it up for you.
    Okay, it’s just a sentence – I remembered it as longer. Anyway, here it is:
    “The books I like are the ones that get you feeling like you are with a person, hanging out with a person who is being quite vulnerable, telling you all sorts of stuff that is personal.”
    I’d say that fits you to a T! So, write a book – this guy, at least, would like it. :-)

  18. Dawn

    I agree with what she said about us “convincing” our men that we are “fat and gross”.
    My Ex used to tell me all the time that I was beautiful. I agreed! I was tall and thin at the time, probably too thin (I shred clothes with my then 13 year old). Later I gained weight, quite a bit of it actually and he continued to tell me that I was beautiful.
    I think the men who love us don’t see the flaws that we ourselves see. In fact, I know they don’t. UNLESS we point it out to them continually.
    What he once thought was a little extra “cushion for the pushing” (I know……….how trailer trash but you get my point) now we have TOLD them that it is fat and gross. We tell them continually and eventually they start to see it that way too.
    My ex used to get PISSED about me talking bady about myself, until one day he DID find someone that wasn’t fat and gross. Truth be told she was probably only about 20 lbs less than me but she had self esteem and thought she was beautiful.
    How you feel about yourself has a large impact on how you carry yourself. If you carry yourself poorly due to low self esteem then you look……….well, poorly!
    Yeah this is long, I know, bare with me
    I had a friend tell me to think of mysellf and carry myself the way I did when I was thin (yes, it took some mind altering (not with drugs, lmao) and time but it worked) I walked taller, I sucked in my tummy and in the end, I felt better about myself. the VERY PLUS side to doing this is that if you pull in your tummy muscles everytime you think about it and keep them pulled in as long as you can. Eventually they WILL stay that way. I promise. Once you notice the flatter tummy (which strengthens your back muscles as well and gives you much better posture, you’ll start feeling a little more self esteem and and make other small changes.
    Try it. What have you got to lose??
    Hugs to ya!!!
    Dawn

  19. Mari

    Be careful with them profession writer womens. I had a best selling author freak me out, because she wanted my hot, fat, and gross body. Regina Lynn just wants your hot body. She wants to take you away from your husband. They are the devil. Professional Writers are Satan.
    Of course, I am just kidding. About the Satan part. And Regina Lynn. But not about that freak that wanted my hot, fat and gross body.

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