Last week I had a conversation with Jim about my weight. I shared with him my frustrations about trying so hard (which, was kind of a lie, because for the past few months, I’ve not been trying as hard as I could have been.) and only seeing minimal results.
He then proceeded to give me some great advice. I listened closely and decided I was going to do everything he told me to do, because, um, have you seen his body? The man knows what he’s talking about.
I cut out sugar (and by “cut out sugar” I mean, I replaced my “venti green tea frappucinos with a tall, nonfat, sugar free vanilla latte. And can I just say…”Yuck”? Because, yuck.) I worked out every morning before I had anything to eat. I drank more water. I ate lots of veggies (salads) and snacked on fruit during the day.
As of this morning, I had lost 6 pounds.
Awesome. I was hoping for 24, but hey, I’ll take what I can get these days.
I was talking to a friend about my progress and how S-L-O-W the weight is coming off. I like to pretend that I’m happy it’s coming off slowly because “that means I probably won’t gain it back! Because I did it The Right Way!” Which, is probably true, but DAMN.
We started talking about all the crazy things we used to do to lose weight.
The craziest thing I ever did? Starve myself for days, only eating white rice with lemon when I couldn’t take it anymore, and when I DID finally break down and eat something, I’d do 20358698 jumping jacks in my room until I was drenched in sweat but ONLY AFTER I had taken a package of chocolate laxatives.
I’d poop until there was nothing left but juicy air. I’d actually sit on the toilet crapping juicy air. And crying because MAN did it hurt, but hey! I was SKIN-NAY!
I sometimes get tempted to do crazy, insane, unhealthy things like that again to lose weight, but now that I’m the age that rhymes with “dirty whore” I am too afraid of dying or damaging vital organs.
I’m curious, what’s the craziest thing you’ve done to drop a few pounds? Or am I the only one who shat juicy air to look beautiful

38 thoughts on “Splat.

  1. Shamrock

    Well, it wasn’t a weight loss attempt, but when I went vegan, I lost a ton of weight. And I felt so much better. I’ve since added back seafood because it just wasn’t life without seafood. And I still feel great being meat and dairy-free. There are so many great substitutes out there these days that I don’t even miss it. Except maybe cheese. There’s no replacing the cheese.

  2. Veronika

    The craziest thing I’ve done to get skinny probably would be making myself throw up after I ate anything. How stupid is that?! At the time, I thought It was great because I could get the satisfaction of eating what I wanted, and all I had to do was go vomit. I DID lose the weight, but at what cost? It doesn’t matter because I’m as big as a house now – no, maybe an apartment.

  3. Veronika

    …….and Shamrock’s got that right about the cheese! I couldn’t do without cheese in my life because when I grow up, I’m going to marry cheese and live happily ever fatter!

  4. Kate

    Delurking to say that when I was in junior high, I saw this made-for-TV movie about these two girls with eating disorders – one was anorexic, the other was bulemic, and I thought I had just discovered the MOST BRILLIANT DIET EVER!!! I was going to be just like them, with a tiny patent leather lunchbox to hold my single cracker and carrot stick – until I found I had no willpower whatsoever.
    That white rice and lemon sounds kind of yummy right now. And you are some very funny shit, Y.

  5. Nopoodle

    I did the cabbage soup diet for a week…and there was an even worse one with a lot of cottage cheese, which I find revolting. One look at cottage cheese and I want to toss my bile (because there sure as hell aren’t any cookies in there!)

  6. jenny lee

    are you kidding me with this stuff. the people who are saying that they are fat…..ARE NOT FAT. if you want to see fat…..head on over to my blog. THAT’S fat.

  7. geeky

    first, yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay for losing 6lbs! and, uh, Jim… *drool*…
    what was i saying? oh right. i was on an almost entirely mt. dew diet through most of highschool. breakfast? a can of mt. dew. lunch? mt. dew and maybe some fries – it was soooo not cool to eat. dinner? more mt dew and maybe some real food. looking back, it’s no wonder i didn’t weigh over 100 lbs until my senior year!

  8. hed

    I did a bunch of stuff. First, I became vegan. Then I became completely addicted to exercise. We aren’t talking daily workout. We are talking three times daily, 2 hour workout. And when I couldn’t do that, I would just do a 4-5 hour marathon going into the wee hours of the morning. I looked fantastic for a few years, and then I got a “career”. Then, a “life”. Then, I had a baby. Now, I just… well, I just don’t care anymore. I look like what I look like. And whether that’s 5 ounces overweight, or 45 pounds overweight, well, that’s fine. Because there are things in life that are just more important than exercising 5-6 hours a day.

  9. nine

    i quit eating altogether until i was barely 100 lbs of stupid (i’m 5’8″ by the way), and the men in white coats had to come and take me away for my own good. seriously. i was hospitalized for the skinny. now THAT’s crazy. :X

  10. Y

    Oh man.
    It’s insane what women do to themselves to be “thin.”
    I feel lucky that I never took it that far, but I really don’t know what stopped me.
    Ok. Yes I do. My love of food. It eventually won over my desire to be thin.

  11. Nopoodle

    I do, however, recall that in high school, I ate a package of mini-frosted donuts (they came 6 to a package) and a regular non-diet Pepsi, for lunch every single day, and I weighed 95 pounds.
    I’d be willing to kill to have that body back.

  12. Jen

    Like Nopoodle, I did the cabbage soup diet. For two weeks straight I had cabbage soup for every meal and 2 snacks. Yeah, even thinking about cabbage soup now makes me want to vomit. I’ve also done the “grapefruit diet” and the “let’s try to only eat 500 calories a day diet”. I admit, I tried to make myself throw up after eating, I couldn’t do it. I literally could not make myself throw up. So, now I’m couting calories again but at the level the nutrionist gave me. The funny thing is, I have no desire to be a size 4 or 6, I’d die a happy woman if I could get back into my 12s and 13s before they rot!

  13. Fiona

    i stopped eating when i was about 18…literally stopped eating…for almost 8 months….when i ‘ate’ it was half a small can of tomato juice cut with 50pct water, which i heated up to make ‘soup…..
    everyone pretended nothing was happening….and i know i’m lucky to have lived through it…lost a ton of weight….i took huge doses of senekot (laxative) at the time too….i needed to feel the pain not only of hunger but of horrendous stomach cramps….i was taking 12-20 tablets at a time (usually you take 2 for a ‘movement’)
    it stopped the day my parents, when i joined them at the table AFTER dinner, handed me a section of orange and watched me….i had to do something so i put it in my mouth…and realised i’d forgotten how to chew…i’ll never forget sitting there with a piece of orange in my mouth and not knowing what on earth to do with it
    then i discovered bulimia…..so i could keep the laxatives….and i’ll never forget the humiliation of going into a supermarket and buying a bunch of donuts and then straight to the restroom to sit on a toilet and cram them into my mouth….swallowing without chewing…trying to fill that deep empty hole that no food can ever fill…and by that time i’d discovered over the counter pre-surgery quality laxatives (smaller and faster than senekot)…i am ashamed to say i still have a bottle in my bathroom cabinet even today
    slowly…oh so slowly….i came to terms with what was causing the problem….but even now, i’m prone to binging when life gets me down…just sitting pushing food down my throat without tasting or chewing, until no more will fit
    i’m sure more people than we care to think have been in a similar boat….and to those who read this who have been, or who are, i reach out to you in understanding

  14. Rachael & Eva

    Go you! 6 pounds is great!
    How about the craziest thing I did while I was ON a diet? I was on the Slim Fast diet earlier this year, and OOOOOPS! I got pregnant. : So much for that diet! LOL!!

  15. Heatheranne

    The craziest thing I’ve done is lie to my doctor and make him think I’m ADD so I could have some prescription speed because it is also an appetite depressant.
    The best thing I’ve done to lose weight (even though you didn’t ask) is cut out pop and junk food and eat half size portions. Now, if only I would get rid of the speed and get back on the healthier plan I’d be good.

  16. Fiona

    Keeping on the subject…well kinda…i read this today on another blog http://thegrassaintgreener.typepad.com and wept….it’s pretty sobering….
    On some weekends I work at bead shop helping people fix things, teaching classes, making jewelry (more on that later) and during my shift last weekend a granny and her very adorable 4th grade companion were in. This little girl reminded me of a judy bloom book. She was beautiful and had freckles and glasses that dampened her confidence of beauty but brought out the whipsmart humor laced with just enough sarcasm not to be presumptuous. Little thing had a cane and limped a little but I chose not to focus on it and just wondered why. Granny and I got into a discussion about how smart and all-knowing children seem to be these days and then I am dealt a silencing blow. This little girl in 4th grade has not started school yet this year because she is an outpatient at the UCLA eating disorder unit.

  17. kim

    craziest thing i’ve ever done was a shake-diet-thing. i’d have only shakes made with water for three days and after that a “milkshake” twice a day and one small meal with lots of veggies… no snacks, not even anything to drink other than water allowed in between the shakes. i lost 24 pounds in about 3 months but most of it is back… plus, it hurt my eating-habits big time because i learned to go with very little all day and then have a HUGE meal in the evening. not healthy at all.
    i think the ww-points-system is pretty good. you just have to stick with it. like you have to stick with the no-sugar, loads of fruits and veggies, exercise… as well. which is the hard part. cause i’m not a big fan of working out, i love food and i lack discipline. not a good combination.
    but at least i’ve never done any serious harm to my body. my health has always been more important to me than being skinny… and there are days i actually like what i see in the mirror.

  18. Louise

    When I was 14, I stopped eating. Just stopped. I’d have *maybe* some yogurt at lunchtime, then after school half an apple. Then I’d be “not hungry” at suppertime, because “I ate before you guys got home from work”. On the days that I *did* cheat and actually have some supper I’d be so upset with myself that I’d more than likely end up cutting.
    Then one day my dad yelled at me to eat my pork chop. So I did. And the next day he yelled at me to eat a sandwich. So I did.
    Isn’t it sad that I *know* I was way unhealthy then, and my health is pretty great now, but I still look nostalgically at how skinny I was? blah.

  19. stephanie

    That is so awesome of you, Y! I’m sure all your readers are as proud of you as I am! Rock on, girl!
    I too made the switch to non-fat sugar-free vanilla lattes (I was a venti mocha addict), and after a while they start to taste good (I swear!) and everything else at Starbucks feels kinda… heavy, I guess is the word. Plus, non-fat dairy products are supposedly good for you when you are trying to lose weight and I HATE drinking milk plain, so coffee is the only way I get any.
    Oh, and the craziest thing I consciously ever did to lose weight – order diet pills off the internet and take them… didn’t work (big shock!). And then there was the period I was very depressed with no appetite and a job that forced me to work 10-12 hours a day on my feet, so I never ate breakfast or lunch at work and was too tired for dinner when I got home. Not that I’d ever recommend that course of action, but it sure worked, and fast. Healthiest weight loss – on WW.

  20. VDOprincess

    The craziest thing I ever did to lose weight was eat nothing but raw fruits and vegetables, interspersed with protein shakes. The shakes tasted exactly like chalk and I hated them so much that I would make them with half water in order to get them down faster.
    I lasted one week, but I lost 10 pounds. And then I went to my cousins for a weekend, ate nothing but pringles and peanut butter m&ms, and gained it all back. Every single bit.
    Now I’ve eliminated soda (even though I always drank diet), caffiene, and most white flour, and I find that I’m consistently losing weight, even though I eat a pint of Ben & Jerry’s a week and never work out. And if I really need to look good in a particular outfit, I cut out sugar and dairy for a few days, and I’m good to go.

  21. kimmie

    OMG I so remember Jolt Cola! used to drink it all the time when I was young. Could use some of that now to get me through my days.
    Good job on the 6 pounds -you are looking awesome in your pictures over there —-> but you always did look good!

  22. Carla

    My doctor once told me a pound a month was good. I was completely stunned she said that. Have you tried that new Sprite Zero? It’s not bad. Maybe that’s a way to get the taste of sugar without having it. Diet Coke kinda sucks in comparison now.

  23. girlplease

    In grammar school, high school, and early college I was anorexic. I would obsess about fat-free this and fat-free that. My cholesterol was 103 (which the doc said was just enough for the body to produce on it’s own). I weighed 95-103 tops (5’5″). I exercised till it hurt, I weighed myself 3 times a day, I felt like shit because I thought I was ugly and if only I could get rid of that “pooge” (which wasn’t there). I had seizures, arrythmias, etc. and never knew why. I would starve myself for 3 days straight.
    Now I’m 33 and I wouldn’t give up eating a pizza, making smarter decisions beyond “Fat free”, and feeling like I’m worth something at 120 than to spend my time killing myself to weigh 103 again.
    Congrats on the weight loss. You’re doing great. I give you so much credit. But please, please don’t ever think that you have to be a ‘skinny mini’ to be happy and worth something. Your smile, laughter, being a superb mother, honesty, and being funny as shit is what matters and girl, you have all of that. Be healthy and happy and diet smart. Don’t obsess over the scale, old photos of when you were younger (and had a different metabolism), etc.

  24. Mo

    I ate speed, took laxatives and barfed! It kept me pretty skinny. Now I am 40 and still struggle with my weight, the yo yo, symdrom up and down fat then skinny…
    I don’t think I can change at this point.
    I still look for ways to lose weight quick.

  25. debutaunt

    Nothing. I’ve never done anything stupid to lose weight because I can’t seem to get over the fact that I love to eat. Like a pig, yo. I was kicking ass on the bodyforlife thing, but then I got bronchitis and haven’t gotten back to the gym.
    I’m fat and don’t feel like I will ever be thin; it’s completely a foreign concept to me. Now it’s killing me. I’m an overweight diabetic and will probably die within the next 10-15 years.
    I’m proud of you. I know I’ll get back to the gym soon, but until then, I’m way way proud of you, sistasista.
    And damn. Jimbo is FYNE!

  26. Debbie

    I think you look great. If you act sexy and beautiful then the people you love will see you as sexy and beautiful.
    The weirdest diet ever was the weinies and bananas. Now that I just typed it, it looks nasty, not nasty to eat but like some kind of porn diet. Something that my husband would try and convince me to do!! Wait a minute!! He IS always offering to help me work up a sweat….

  27. teachbroeck

    Not that I haven’t done STOOPID shit to loose pounds, but I can’t get over the body shot of your friend haning from a cliff and on his blog it says ALONE! Such an injustice!

  28. the mighty jimbo

    lol. thanks. i’m not as alone as i might sound. i’m just alone right now. frankly, lately i have had more than i can handle. for the first time in my life it’s pretty good to be me.

  29. Amy

    I could type for a long time detailing all the things I have done to lose weight. It wasn’t pretty! I’ve done the laxatives, the throwing up, the caffeine-only diet, the cabbage soup diet, the crank-only diet, the prescribed amphetamines-only diet… just a ton of shit. Insane, but I’ve learned that I’m certainly not alone. I’m just so grateful that I don’t have to do any of those things any more to be at a healthy weight.
    Good luck with the no sugar thing! I’ve been off sugar for 3+ years and it makes such a difference.

  30. Girl

    When I was 13-16, I subsisted on Diet Coke. I ate nothing and drank only Diet Coke. I looked pretty damn good until I nearly died.

  31. Mari

    Thank you for making me choke on my tea over here. YOU SHIT JUICEY AIR! BWAHH HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
    Um lets see… I took some diet pills once, and they made me puke and pass out… another time I starved myself and ate only once a day, and that once a day was usually an apple and some brown rice. I then would do 200 sit ups and drink more water than a person ever could. I had a nice board belly, perky tits, and i was SKINNAY! WOOT! But I got real hungry and started eating insanely, and then i got fat again.

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