Days go by

This morning was the boys first day of School.
I can not believe how fast the summer flew by. It’s insane. (Insane in the membrane. INSANE IN THE BRAIN.)
I’m not taking it very well and when I say that, I mean I’ve not stopped crying. The tears started last night, like they do EVERY “night before the first day of school”. I began to feel guilty and think that I didn’t spend enough quality time with them while they were home.
“I should have done more activities with them!”
“I should have taken them to the beach more than ONE TIME!”
“I should have played more Uno and Yahtzee with them!”
“WHY WAS I EVER MEAN TO THEM AND WHY DIDN’T I GIVE THEM MORE HUGS AND KISSES?”
Whattya know, I’m crying again!
I thought I’d be fine this morning, I thought I had cried all of the tears I’d cry over this last night. WRONG. When I dropped my son off at Junior High, it hit me hard, right in the gut, that OH MY GOD, first baby boy is in the seventh grade. How did that happen and please, God, slow the time down, my heart can’t take it.
Now, the house is so quiet without their TV blaring, without the fighting and the cries of “Mom! Andrew called me a jerkoff!” I miss them, I miss them SO MUCH. I don’t think I can take this quiet. It hurts.
Damn it. I seriously do not know what I am going to do the day that my children move out of this house. I am telling you right now, I will die. DIE, I SAY. And I’m not exaggerating one bit.
DIE.

14 thoughts on “Days go by

  1. gc

    I know what you mean. Today was my kids’ first day of school, too. And to add to the usual list of guilty feelings, I have to deal with the fact that they’re going to an entirely new school. I’m worried whether they’ll make friends or will they be left out…Okay, I gotta stop this or I won’t be able to work.

  2. Sarcastic Journalist

    Yes, but they’re not cutting up any more of their tshirts. As someone that was on the phone with you, you didn’t yell “that” much. Heck, you did better than I would. :)
    Now go play Yahtzee with gabby!

  3. J.Nel

    When your kids are old enough to move out… odds are you will be happy as hell! I know my mom was singing God’s name the day I left and may damn well die when my sister leaves.

  4. Lisa

    AWww – I know that feeling. I just got a dog so I’ll have company during the day so my quiet house won’t drive me crazy.

  5. mmc

    I can only imagine…..but I’m sure your kids have GREAT memories of the summer.
    Use the afternoon to your advantage, go do something, take your mind off it, be productive, go to the market and plan a special 1st day dinner, make them cookies……that way you can make the most of the time they are home TODAY.
    They’ll be home in no time, and tomorrow will be better, and you’ll be wondering what the hell you were thinking today.
    If not, I’ve got a couple extras hanging around I could ship your way for a few days.

  6. Vickie

    We drive the last one to college tomorrow. House is getting wierd, lots of suitcases, boxes, storage containers, all her clothes, makeup, etc, piled up in the living room as I type. Her room is already emptied out; the son goes back Thursday to college too.
    These days of change mark so many rites of passages in both our kids’ and our lives. Everytime there’s a change with our kids we lose it. She and I have done nothing but fight all summer, but now that it’s down to the final hours, Im bawling my eyes out. I feel your pain, Y. Different ages, different life voyages, same motherly reactions.

  7. NinaKaye

    I don’t feel the least bit guilty! The first day of school was wonderful. No fighting all day long, no whining about being hungry or thirsty, no “can you change my game?” or “can I go to Grandmother’s?” It’s great!!

  8. Beth

    Stop! You’re scaring me! My plan, which you may want to try someday, is to get about a dozen tiny dogs — Shih Tzus, Chihuahuas, whatever. Yes, I plan to be one of “those” ladies. Anything to ward off the crazy, ’cause there is definitely gonna be some crazy happening when my son moves out someday.
    Or…maybe I’ll forbid him to move out. Yeah, that’ll work. ;^)
    Do something nice for yourself, okay? Don’t sit around feeling bad. At least go to Starbucks and feel bad…’cause then you won’t feel so bad, see?
    Yep, I’m full of wisdom (or something) today. :-)*hugs*

  9. Jenny T

    I feel your pain! Chris went back to school the 10th and all summer I was thinking “damn, when does school start again” but the day before I was all “aww, my baby goes back to school tomorrow, he’s going to be in first grade, I don’t want him to go back, I didn’t do enough with him this summer, I want to homeschool him.” and on and on and on. (Luckily the “I want to homeschool him” thought lasted all of 2 seconds, lol!)

  10. geeky

    man, where were you when i was growing up? my parents have been trying to shove me out the door since i was old enough to have my own job! they dropped me off at college, gave a little wave, and LEFT! where was the hysteria?! the tears!? they could have at least gotten a little choked up! and after college i moved back home for a month, and they charged me RENT to live there, so i would move out quicker.
    but NOW who’s sorry?! i live 2.5 hours away from them now, and all i ever hear from my mom is “when are you coming home? i miss you”. HA. maybe you should have cried more when i left before!!

  11. Zette

    Well, I think you may have just explained for me, WTH I was feeling last night. Guilt. Sorrow. Sadness. Emptiness. My baby began 2nd grade today, my oldest is a HS sophomore! Normally, I would enjoy this day, as an extra day off work, but since I’ve been out of work for a month now, the guilt of it all is tough to take. I TOTALLY feel your pain but will be hoping that tomorrow is an all around better day! Take care!

  12. robynf

    Enjoy it lady, hug them and kiss them when they get home…and maybe even take them to the beach on the weekend.
    You get to spend your days with Gabby, give her all your love and attention and shower her with kisses.
    You’re a great mom, but you’re going to drive yourself crazy (er) if you dwell!!
    And stp crying…you’re going to dehydrate yourself 😉

  13. Melanie Lynne Hauser

    Oh, I’m the exact same way! I get sad at the end of summer, only thinking about all the things we meant to do but didn’t. And I can’t even think about when they leave for college, which for my oldest is only two years away and I can’t think about it without crying, so I’m not going to. Think about it.

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