I didn’t INTEND on turning this into a big ball of The Cheese, it just happened, man.

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My First Night Out With a Friend post Gabby was awesome.
Jamie Kennedy is hilarious and I could easily fall in love with him if it weren’t for the fact that he looks EXACTLY like my littlest brother. And when I say “exactly” I mean “exactly”.
The comedian who opened the show, Tom Segura, was extremely funny. I’ve added him to the Short List of comedians I love. He should feel special.
I missed Gabby and the boys, but I didn’t call 20396 times to check on them like I thought I would. I only called ONCE! And that picture wasn’t even set up! It was completely real and sincere!
The night was not without Suckage, but nothing serious. The biggest suck of all was the second comedian. Oh, it was painful. I felt sorry for him, man. The funniest suck was what I like to call The All Time Greatest Squish The Foam moment in history. My friend who L-O-V-E-S her some hot wings, ordered a plate of hot wings for dinner. Well, imagine the HORROR when the waitress came back with the order and set THIS on the table.
ARE THEY SERIOUS? Four wings and 2 token celery strips? She was pissed. I was laughing.
“SQUISH THE FOAM! YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO!”
She didn’t “squish the foam” but she did inform the waitress that they need to “put that on the menu” (“that” meaning “$7.95 only buys you FOUR WINGS!)
I did have my first taste of Devil Water since finding out I was pregnant in 2003.

As you can see, that made me happy.
You know what else made me happy?
That I didn’t let The Fat win. That I’m no longer letting The Fat control me. The “old me” would never have left this house to go out and have fun because “I’m fat and I have nothing to wear and all the skinny hot people will throw up when they see me” (And trust me people, skinny, hot people LOVE to go to the Improv and MAN do they love to show off their fake boobs and artificial tans.) But the New and Improved me refuses to NOT LIVE MY LIFE because of my weight. Instead of being ashamed of how I look and my size, I choose to be proud of myself for how hard I’ve worked to lose 55 pounds. Yeah, I still have 50 more to go, but I choose focus on how far I’ve come rather than how far I have to go.
I realize there will still be people who look down on me because of my size, but for the first time in a long time, I also realize that they can fuck off because this isn’t about other people. This is about me living my life to the fullest, no matter what size I wear. I’m so over obsessing about what others will think about me and the size of my ass. Life is too damn short for that nonsense. (but if we’re talking about going to the beach, or any place where a swimsuit must be worn, that’s not considered “nonsense” because HELL NO am I ready to display my ass at the beach yet.)
It probably sounds stupid to most people, but to me? It’s a change of life. I’ve had such a screwed up way of thinking and I’m working hard to change it.
I’ve always believed for some fucked up reason that I can’t do things other people do. Things I want to do? I don’t even try because “I’m too fat.” “I’m too slow”. “I can’t afford it.” “I’m not good enough.”
What a sad way to go through life. Not even trying for fear of failing. For fear of “looking stupid”. For fear of “what will people think.”
To believe you can’t just because you’re you.
Well, last night really opened my eyes to so many things. I’m sick of the time I’ve wasted with that bullshit. So, in honor of trying things I’ve always wanted to do but didn’t because I think I suck too much to succeed? I called Authur Murray dance studios to get information about Salsa lessons.
That’s right, I want to learn to dance Salsa and I’m GOING to learn how to dance Salsa.
Turns out, this was so much more than “A night out” for me, it was a, how does Dr.Phil say it? “A defining moment in my life”.

25 thoughts on “I didn’t INTEND on turning this into a big ball of The Cheese, it just happened, man.

  1. poobou

    Yay you! As a recovering big girl myself (lost 100 pounds in 2002-03), I know how those mental hang-ups can keep you from doing things you want to do. And the self-doubt doesn’t necessarily go away when you lose the weight, either – fixing your body doesn’t fix your brain. But signing up for salsa lessons? KICKS ASS.

  2. gc

    This is something that I need to learn for myself too…and I am working on it. Bravo to you for finally getting that lesson! :)

  3. Mushster

    Ok I’m confused. This aussie needs a lesson in americanisms. So what’s called wings over there isn’t actually the flappy flappy kind? lol
    And the contrast in the tone of this post compared to others is amazing. Good on you :)

  4. RisibleGirl

    (coming back out from under the lurking rock)Yay for you!!!!
    You have a helluva lot to offer, so get yourself out there and let the big ol’ world love you.

  5. Kristina

    Oh man for some reason I had a real brain fart and thought you were going to see him tonight which is why I told you what I told you in my email about meeting him! Sheesh Y, next time you go to see him call me. Lol. I’m so glad you had fun. Girl own it. Seriously Y, you’re so beautiful in person and when you smile its like it lights up the whole entire room. You’re hilarious too. Oh man how we laughed it up when I was with you in San Jose and talked and talked and talked and then oh shit how I got fucking plastered. Lol. What a night. I’m glad you liked Jamie Kennedy. He is awesome.

  6. Moxie

    Y said~Instead of being ashamed of how I look and my size, I choose to be proud of myself for how hard I’ve worked to lose 55 pounds.
    Not only that but of the three amazing kids that bod of yours has produced. Holy shit girl that in itself is a miracle.
    I have been there too and I know it’s hard. Keep up the great work!

  7. Fidget

    I’m paying a therapist to help me get through all the bullshit you knocked out in one night – that is very powerful, YOU are powerful!

  8. K'vitsh

    What an awesome post. You’re right and it’s wonderful and you’re inspiring me to do the same.
    There are times when I get so insecure about different things that I don’t even leave my apartment.
    Most of the time, though, people don’t even pay attention to me (not in a bad way, just that they’re busy living their lives), and if they don’t like what they see, fuck ’em.
    But basically, it’s like you said, I have a right to be. And to have fun. It’s a very, very hard lesson to learn, but I’m trying.
    Thanks.

  9. Kelly

    Love that photo of the two of you. I am SO happy for you Y and so proud of you! You are an inspiration!
    I need to loose the same amount of weight that you do. Only you are 50 pounds ahead of me, BRAVO to you for kicking some major ass. I know it isn’t easy but so totally worth it.
    Kelly

  10. Amanda

    I can’t read you anymore at work because you now fall under the “tasteless” filter. What the hell? I thought you might of posted something raunchy, imagine my disappointment! LOL

  11. clickmom

    You go girl! I am 20 something lbs. down with 80-ish more to go and taking some lessons from you.
    Inspired by your defining moment.

  12. kim

    i’m REALLY happy for you!! sounds like everything the www has been thinking of you all along anyway. time you also got it! ;o)

  13. Katie

    Awesome, I’m glad you had a fun night out! And I’m with K’vitsh, people really don’t think as much about you as you might think. The world is self-centered like that.

  14. Finy

    You can tell just from the pictures how happy you were that night. It’s funny that the majority of the post was about your revelation, because the minute I saw the first picture I though, wow, she looks fantastic!
    How was the first taste of the drink after so long? The first time we took my boss out after she had her most recent kid it took her approximately two sips to be on the floor :)

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