I’ll never do THAT again.

I thought it would be a Really Great Idea to dress Gabby in her little bathing suit and put pigtails in her hair so she would look SO CUTE when we went to the store.
That was a bad idea.
Everyone was all “Oh my God, she’s so cute!” “Look at her! How precious!” “Aw, she’s got a bathing suit on!”
Of course, she was eating it up and flaunting The Charm.
Out of nowhere, this one dude, said, and I’m NOT EXAGGERATING, PEOPLE, “Oh my God! She looks like a little doll!” then, he walked over to me and said “May I please HOLD HER?”
Before I could answer, his wife walked over. “Oh, yes, can he hold her?”
Um. I should have said “What the hell is wrong with you? Of course you may not hold MY baby. You’re complete strangers and how do I know you don’t rub your ass crack and sniff it?”
Shh. Don’t tell Tony that because he will kick my ass and take away my “allowance”.
Of course, she started screaming and crying because “Hi! My mom never leaves me with anyone except my dad and only to go to Target so I’m really attached to her and, dude, I don’t know what you’re thinking but I don’t even let MY GRANDMA hold me!”
I immediately grabbed her away from him and walked away feeling like a Very Shitty Mother.
I know the man didn’t have bad intentions, I didn’t get those kinds of vibes at all, but WHY DID I HAND MY BABY OVER TO HIM?
I know why, because him and his wife caught me completely off guard.
And I wonder, had a little old lady asked me to hold her, would I have thought it was so damn weird that a stranger would ask to hold my baby?
The moral of this story is never take your baby girl to the store in a baby bikini. It makes people lose their damn minds.
(Ok, She asked for it…)

The ‘Kini

30 thoughts on “I’ll never do THAT again.

  1. lauren

    okay two rules that should never be broken… never ask to hold a stranger’s baby and never ask to touch a stranger’s pregnant belly. those are just like FORBIDDEN.

  2. Finy

    That’s insane. I really hope she just found out she was pregnant because I love love love babies but I would never even THINK about asking a woman to hold her kid

  3. Chuck

    Yeah that was spooky, and I am the type of guy who always has to go look at the babies…
    But umm, no touchy.
    Then again what the hell are you doing putting a bikini on an infant?????
    trying to start her out with a complex from day one?

  4. Laura

    It sucks when people catch you off guard like that and put you on the spot! Here’s what you say – tuck it away in case of emergency:
    “Oh, I wish you could! I’m sorry, though. She’s just not having a great day.”
    We are always a spectacle going out with two sets of twins and people have approached us wanting to hold a baby too, believe it or not. People are weird!

  5. J.Nel

    Really!? You aren’t allowed to ask people to hold their baby?
    Wow, I have been tempted to ask so many times… I actually think I may have asked in the past… How embarassing!
    But… but… I am so not weird. I simply have NO babies in my life to hold or play with! (Not that I want one of my own, but ya know what I mean.)

  6. NinaKaye

    We always get the “she’s so cute!” but no one ever asked to hold her. Of course, I’m just bitchy enough to say, “Uh…NO!” But, my niece was trying to buy a new car and I was staying in the car with her baby (he was around 5 weeks old). She told us it would be a while and to bring him inside, and the car saleslady asked to hold him…and she let her!! I was thinking “oh my god you’re crazy!” but she didn’t seem to mind. I wanted to bathe him immediately.

  7. Sarcastic Journalist

    I let the waitress at a Mexican restaurant hold her. I didn’t know what to do. She wasn’t OUR waitress and um, it took me awhile to get her back.

  8. Chelle

    Y, she is gorgeous! And she does look like a perfect little doll!
    Can I hold her?????? I’m just sure she’d let ME hold her, lol~
    When my girls were babies every time we went to this Chinese restaurant, all the Chinese ladies had to hold them. I guess it never gave me the creeps, but I’m sure a man in a store just might!

  9. clickmom

    People are freaking clueless weirdos.
    Another bizarre stranger interaction I have come across is the leering toothless senior citizen who upon seeing my child snacking in the shopping cart would lean in and ask “May I have some of that?” My kids always freaked them out by actually offering up their slimy gnawed on pretzel sticks. A far better response than anything I could ever come up with. You should them squirm at the site of that! Shut them up real fast.

  10. hed

    People really are weird. Yeah, it’s kind of a weird thing. You don’t want to be rude, but at the same time, it’s something that would certainly weird me out. Some old woman came up and kissed my daughter’s hands in the mall once. I just looked at her, completely dumbfounded, and immediately went into the restroom to wash her hands.

  11. Kristina

    Awww Y! Can I hold her? I swear not swear around her or hand her a glass of wine! Promise ;). She looks so friggin cute. She is getting so big and her facial features are starting to come in really good. She is precious. It reminds me of my little Megan. Awwww.

  12. Rachael

    I love how her baby chub is just hanging out everywhere. She is adorable!
    I had a guy on a plane ask to hold Gavin once. I let him because where could he go with the kid? Plus it freed me up to read People. We do get a lot of people come up and touch his hands. I always scare them away with dirty looks. You shoudl try that.

  13. Heatheranne

    The girls I work with do that to people all the time. Every time someone comes in with a baby, they take it away and walk all over the office to show it off to everyone. Weird.
    But, oh my god! She is so cute! I love the picture of her against the wall. She looks like she’s posing.

  14. Eden

    I just had this same experience at my son’s podiatrist’s office. This man, whom I had never even met before practically GRABS my baby out of my arms and insists on holding him. Meanwhile, my older son is sitting in the chair thinking “wtf? not again! we’re here for ME people!”. And all the while I’m thinking “give me my baby back. you are a smelly stranger who touches FEET ALL DAY!”. And the ass started RUBBING my baby’s head!! With his stinky feet touching hands! And I did NOT know what to do. I was dumbstruck. Finally, I my baby starting crying and all I could think was thank GOD my child has more sense than me. I felt like a complete idiot mother.

  15. Beth

    I don’t recall people asking to hold my son (probably because he was mostly in strollers when we went out and asking to take a baby out of a stroller would’ve been too forward?), but I can recall lots of times when I tried to make my son be nice and cute to neighbors, etc., when what he really wanted to do was anything but talk to these people. I finally realized — and I’m not proud of this — I was reflexively wanting those people to like me and was basically selling out my son. After realizing that, I stopped pushing the issue, and if he didn’t want to talk to someone, I let it be. I figured out I have to be my kid’s champion and protector. Even though my neighbors are nice people, I had to put my son’s needs first. Just remember — it’s okay to seem rude to strangers, especially if it means standing up for your kid. It took me a while to learn that.

  16. kim

    OH.MY.. HOW can someone who produces something like this have any sort of self-conciousness and not be bouncing up and down ALL DAY, snobbish and arrogant?

  17. Mary

    what CUTIE!
    An older lady came up to my daughter the other day at the grocery store and started gushing about her red hair.
    My daughter looked at her like “don’t you DARE come near me”
    I don’t have to worry because she would scream if someone tried to hold her.
    She won’t even go to her daddy some of the time.
    She is a mommie girl!

  18. Amy

    Yay! She is adorable!!
    And Y, I seriously thought something was going wrong with my site counter. I’m thinking–“wow, how weird, it’s stuck on Joy Unexpected and keeps hitting me from there over and over”. It took some time, but evenutally I figured it out.
    Of course, it might have helped if ANYBODY had left me a comment. Sheesh!

  19. dana michelle

    I don’t get the “can I hold her/him?” thing either. Why on earth would you ask a total stranger if you could hold their child? Especially in this day and age with all the wackos out there. I’ve never had children, but it would seriously creep me out if I did and someone asked me that. When I see cute babies and kids I just comment on how cute they are and leave it at that.
    But then again, that bottom picture IS absolutely precious. She is posed perfectly and the look on her face is adorable. Maybe the guy WAS overwhelmed by THE CUTE.

  20. poobou

    The only times I’ve asked to hold a stranger’s baby is when they were sitting next to me on airplanes (this has happened 3 times now) and the parents didn’t have an extra seat to stick the kid in. I offered to hold the baby to (a) give the parents a break, and (b) satisfy my maternal cravings (my husband & I are waiting on the baby thing for now b/c we can’t afford one).

  21. Macca

    I love when people give away free babies. Normally you have to pay for them or adopt them, but free? You just can’t turn down free babies! 😉 j/k

  22. Redhead Mommy

    Jeesh, I go away and all hell breaks loose, or you hand your baby over to strangers….same thing (joke!)
    Just wanted to stop in a say hi!! Haven’t been around lately, just making the rounds.

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