Taking “stepping out of my comfort zone” to an entirely new level

My anxiety level tonight is EXTREMELY HIGH.
You know how I’m trying really hard to ““Step out of my comfort zone? Remember how I was all
“I’m no longer letting The Fat win”
and I was all “This is about me living my life no matter WHAT size I am! Life is too short for that nonsense!”.
But then I was all “but if we’re talking about going to the beach, or any place where a swimsuit must be worn, that’s not considered “nonsense” because HELL NO am I ready to display my ass at the beach yet.
Well, guess where I told my sister I would go with her tomorrow?
I’ll give you a hint.
It rhymes with “peach”.
WHAT WAS I THINKING WHEN I AGREED TO THIS?
I called my sister tonight to tell her that I am “totally freaking out about going and Oh my God, what am I going to wear because I am NOT wearing a bathing suit of anykind in public!”
“What do you want me to say?” She asked.
“Nothing,” I replied, “I just needed you to know that I’m on the verge of a panic attack here and I really do NOT want to go, but I am GOING TO GO.”
I am tempted to chicken out and use My Favorite Excuse, “I have nothing to wear!” That’s a legitimate reason! But, that would be a lie because I still have this little swimsuit/hide the chunks and lumps number from a couple summers ago (and yes, I was 3 months pregnant in that picture and yes, it still fits me and YES, that means I’m still fat and yes, that’s totally the reason I’m freaking out very badly at this very moment.)
I keep telling myself things like “Go for your kids! They LOVE the beach! Do it for the Children.” “No one cares what you look like, they’re too busy caring about what THEY look like, so get over yourself (and the size of your thighs!)”
It doesn’t matter what I say, the truth is I am so terrified of going that I feel a little sick to my stomach. Pathetic? Yes, it is and I know this. I can’t control how I feel, but I sure as hell can control how I deal with these feelings and I promised myself that I would “deal” by packing up the kids, the chairs, the sunscreen and the cooler full of drinks and driving my enormously huge ass to the freaking beach.

25 thoughts on “Taking “stepping out of my comfort zone” to an entirely new level

  1. Judith

    You shouldn’t be too worried. Do what I do and look around yourself at some young over weight, never had kids, wearing the skimpiest bikini available girl and think to yourself ‘ I had to have kids to get my curvaceous form’

  2. Stacie

    LOL at Judith’s comment because I do the same thing. You’ll be amazed at how chubby some of these young girls are nowadays! Then you have the 50+ AND overweight women wearing their two piece suits. I’m probably the same size as you, Y, and I accompanied my two kiddos to the beach. It’s not that hard once you get there. Trust me, relax and enjoy!

  3. NinaKaye

    I finally decided that if people didn’t like the way I looked in my swimsuit, they could turn their head or close their eyes! If I want to swim, I have that right! I don’t go to the beach though…it’s too far.

  4. mmc

    The point is to have fun….and you definitely don’t want your kids to think you are embarrassed. I’m worried about passing on my body hangups to my daughter, and soooo don’t want her to grow up with the same issues. I figure, if you are having fun, kids are having fun because you’re having fun screw the judges. I would go with you in all my huge-belly, varicose veins, swollen ankles preggersness if I could! Enjoy yourself!

  5. Robynf

    This is the perfect opportunity for my favorite Beaches Whale comment….sooo not fair that I couldn’t go!

  6. Sarcastic Journalist

    Most people are too worried about what they look like to care. Always remember that. You know how its all about you? Well, for them, its all about them.
    Why dont you step out of your comfort zone and come visit me??

  7. Glenna

    If someone doesn’t like you because of weight or how you look in general. Do you really want or need them in your life? I know I don’t.
    Go to the beach. You will end up with some great memories. If you stay home you won’t have them and your kids won’t either.

  8. J.Nel

    Chicago is probably very different then California… BUT! Last time I was at the beach I had a plan to leave my shorts and tank on OVER my bathing suit the whole damn time… Once I got there and saw what other people looked like… I couldn’t have cared less, because women twice my size should not be rocking bikinis. After looking around, I realized no one was even looking at the other heffers, which means they probably wouldn’t look at me either. So liberating.

  9. Kat

    Oh honey, I SO feel your pain. I had a skinny little thing in my pool last weekend with my husband and I refused to put a bathing suit on and join them. It’s so suffocating feeling like you’re being compared to the ideal every single day.
    But listen, you are not your weight. Right? Have you known someone who was bigger than average but was comfortable with themselves? Did you ever think about their weight? I didn’t. Their personality completely overshadowed any imperfections. I just wish I knew how to get there.
    I’ll be sending you positive body image vibes!!!

  10. hed

    What Jenny said. And now that you’ve told us, you HAVE to go! Do it for womankind! Most of us are about the same size. Don’t let the toothpicks win.
    -H

  11. Canadian Lauren

    Please, you are not fat. Trust me. I go to the beach with my 3 kids (9, 3 and 1), them all in cute little bathing suits, and me with shorts and a t-shirt…lol. I had 2 kids in 2 years I don’t feel ready for a bathing suit yet.
    What someone ^^ there said, no one is paying attention to what you look like because they are too busy worrying about what they look like.
    Go to the beach, wear your bathing suit and have fun.

  12. April

    I think what J.Nel said was a good idea. Keep your shirt and shorts on, and see if you feel comfortable once you get there. If you don’t feel comfortable enough to take them off then DON’T!! At least the kids are there having fun and you don’t feel completely self conscious.
    Only you know your limits and if going to the beach in a bathing suit crosses your limits then improvise so you are comfortable.
    Some people DO look because they’re just ignorant like that. Not saying that you’re fat, but someone may be looking at you and without talking to them you’re probably going to assume it’s because they think you’re fat. I do the same thing with my artificial leg. I *will not* wear shorts or a skirt in public, and I have been to the beach one time since my amputation. It was the most humiliating experience I’ve ever had. I had even lost a bunch of weight after my surgery so my body was looking better than it ever had. I still felt uncomfortable.
    We still take our son to the beach because he loves it, I just dress according to my comfort level. So I guess that’s my suggestion. But have fun!!!

  13. Tammy

    I hope you went.
    I hope you had a great time.
    I know it will do you no good for me to say you look wonderful.
    My son just turned 2 and just now I feel the last of the weight slipping off as I work really hard watching what I eat. Especially still breastfeeding. Your body created 3 wonderful lives, embrace the vessel that it is. There are skinny women who WILL look at you and might be secretly longingly to be able to have a child or a marriage.
    Life throws you curves and we women wear them. SHOW off all the curves you’ve collected.
    Thats not to say that I do not advocae everyone to take care of themselves and live healthy lives with proper food choices and an active lifestyle but showing your daughter a healthy body image is just as important.
    Love ya.

  14. Mushster

    I do the shorts and tshirt thing too sometimes (as someone above me said), but when I look at other not-so-perfects I always admire their guts for not caring what others think … then I think to myself, well if I’m thinking that, surely someone else would think like that too and whoosh, there goes my t-shirt :)

  15. Lucky

    If I am at a beach, I leave my shorts on over my suit, mainly because I love to build/play in the sand…and who wants to dig that crap out….really?
    Ewwww!! 😉
    It also is a great “excuse” for not mooning the beach with my “baby making” hips 😀
    But the shirt? It goes. Gotta sun the girls once in awhile, makes for a great tan on the places I *AM* comfortable showing when wearing summery tops and dresses :)

  16. Old Fart Grandma

    Go…Go…Go! Everyone worries about themselves. Be glad you have a beach to go to. Here in the landlocked midwest we’ve had six muggy days over 100 degrees!

  17. Tammy/averagemom

    Oooh! I hope you had a great time! I love the beach, and trust me, I do not look good in the bathing attire. If you want to feel better about how you look in a bathing suit, take a quick visit to a nude beach. Yup, If those people feel comfortable letting all that hang out, you should feel fine in your very modest number.

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