A perfectly good example of what happens to your brain after THREE.

“I have three kids.”
Three kids”
“I am the mother of THREE.”
It’s been almost a year since I’ve been able to say that and it still feels weird coming out of my mouth.
T-h-r-e-e.
“Why, Yes, I’ve pushed THREE skulls out of my vagina!”
I used to laugh at People With Three Kids.
“HA!HA!HA! I only have two! And they wipe their own asses! And they go to school all morning so I have the ENTIRE DAY to myself! Hahaaaaa!”
Three.
Uno.Dos.Tres.
Last night, Tony and I were discussing the fact that Gabby is almost a year and still not walking. Both of my boys were walking by 11 months. (Andrew at 10, I believe). And man, we couldn’t have been happier because THEY WERE WALKING BEFORE ALL THE OTHER BABIES! Because, in case you haven’t noticed, parents get competitive about that stuff.
With her? I am not trying to rush her. I know how fast they grow. My First Baby is TWELVE WITH HAIRY BALLS people. I never imagined the day I’d say that would come so quickly. Ok, I never imagined I’d say that, EVER, but still. I don’t want my little girl to grow so fast, so if she crawls til she’s 2? I DON’T CARE.
One skull. Two skull. Three skull.
THREE.
Besides, I wouldn’t care to learn how to walk if I were her! I mean, What’s the point of walking when she can sit on the couch and drink Green Tea Frappucinos all day long?

That’s right, one of the skulls that passed through my vagina is addicted to Green Tea Frappucinos.
Raising An Addict is fun!
Fun and a LITTLE scary, because, well, Look at her eyes!
She’s possessed by The Bucks. And DON’T YOU DARE TRY TO TAKE IT AWAY FROM HER.
PROOF that she hates it when you do that.
Lucky for you, my camera doesn’t have sound because if it did? YOu would have heard The Scream of Death as I pryed it out of her hands and you don’t have to tell me what a bad mother I am because I gave it back to her as soon as she screamed because I already know that but man, it’s hard to not give into that girl because THAT FACE and yeah, I know she’s going to own me and I’ll regret it, but, again THAT FACE so leave me alone about it already, PLEASE?
I have no idea how I went from skulls exiting vaginas to asking you to “please stop telling me how to raise my children!”
My THREE children.

P.S I’m ok, just really busy , but thank you (you know who you are) for checking up on me.

31 thoughts on “A perfectly good example of what happens to your brain after THREE.

  1. Chuck

    You know she is not walking because she does not need to right? She has ample slaves to carry and play with her.
    We had the 3 year olds to spur her to walk so she could keep up, very different.
    On the same note though one of our 3 year olds still does not talk hardle at all, his brother says what he wants so no real need… Arrggg…

  2. Cindi

    I make the same face when someone tries to take away my mint java chip frap. Although there’s a coffee place here in CO called Peaberry and they have a drink called a frozen joe that puts all fraps to shame. These drinks are what the phrase “to die for” defines.

  3. Jessica

    Hey, I couldn’t see the PROOF… LOL! I wanted to see. Matthew loves starbucks also. How lucky are children now days to have STARBUCKS on every other corner!! LOL!

  4. NinaKaye

    My kids are just plain evil. No reason, other than their father is Satan. hehe
    Now you know you’re going to have to start buying 2 drinks at Starbucks in instead of 1. Otherwise, she’s going to be trying to steal your’s.

  5. Kristina

    hahahhahaha, She is so damn cute. Lol. Megan loves the Green Tea Frapps as much as I do. So we are addicts as well, but man do I remember those days. I hated it when I’d have to take my drink away from her to just get a little sip, but that face that she would give me would just melt me so I’d give it back to her too. She’s cute!

  6. jenny

    when i was a day care teacher (long before my nanny days) there was this awesome little guy named joshua in my class. he was my favorite!! anyway, i was drinking a mountain dew and he wanted a taste. well…i finished drinking it and then rinsed out the can and gave him the can and took a picture for his mom :) hehehhe.

  7. kristal

    I second Reese… MORE movies! Her [fake] tears sure dried up quick when you gave it back. She has you TRAINED!
    One skull. Two skulls. Three skulls. Four skulls. Five skulls. And a couple more thrown in for good measure.
    I WIN!!!!

  8. Momi2KBabies

    I know what you mean about your kids walking. My son was walking at 10 months old also. I have a preemie baby thats 6 1/2 months old and is still only about 11 lbs and not even trying to sit up at all. It’s hard to adjust and I still feel weird saying I have a daughter or saying I have 2 kids, it’s hard to adjust to that and even more weird saying it.

  9. debutaunt

    Zoe walked at 8.5 mos. If I knew then what I know now, I would have duct taped her to her high chair.
    Glad Gabby is now in the secret FourBucks cult. One day we will have to have a hazing ritual for her.

  10. oxie

    Glad that you are doing ok even if it is just ok. And thanks so much Y for sharing yourself/your life with us. I mean I never hit the gym but you never fail to give my abdomen a work out. I so don’t ever wanna hear my son utter the words, Hairy Balls.

  11. Kate

    Hilarious!!! My daughter will be one on Aug 5th and she is the same way. She didn’t crawl until 10 months and isn’t walking yet. (well she does with her push toys) She has three older brothers to give her everything she wants so she has no need to walk, just like Gabby. My oldest does not have hairy balls yet, thank goodness, and I am SO not looking forward to puberty, thanks.

  12. robyn

    That video is hysterical! We get the same reaction when trying to take back our Coke Icee at Tajhet… :-) She’s such a doll!

  13. kim

    i just downloaded and installed quicktime to be able and watch the .mov and was that OH.SO.WORTH.IT. – gabby must be the most adorable baby on the planet (since i don’t have any kids yet..) and what a GIRL! obviously already knows exactly what she wants ;o)

  14. mmc

    Wow. Hairy balls…something else to look forward to. I can soooo see my two sons doing the exact same thing. Gabby is too cute, couldn’t see the Proof, but I can imagine. My husband is the sucker in our house, I’m just mean! I can only imagine the pinkie-wrapping going on around here once the Princess arrives.
    Glad you’re feeling better.(?) Thanks for sharing your stories, it’s good for us all….you included…maybe most!

  15. Salida

    oh my goodness! That movie of Gabby was so adorable! And like, I’m sure you already know – if for no other reason that everyone has already said it – she has got you snowed! At that age though, who cares?! It’s all about the smiles and trying to figure out how their little minds work. I enjoy reading your stories too, you’ve got quick the knack to make me giggle.

  16. Amy S

    Why is it that all “babies” tip the cup up when drinking from a straw? My daughter does this and it ends up dripping in her lap, then she feels the need to get the clothes off…fast.
    too funny

  17. Stacey

    Buahahahaa, I love that second pic! I’m dying over here.
    And I’m wondering what a Green Tea Frappucino tastes like too.

  18. lauren

    that picture makes me think her personality is silly. i’m sure she is going to be as much fun as her brothers! it also made me think about if she will drink out of a straw maybe she would drink out of a sippy cup with a straw (if you are still having problems getting her to drink from a bottle). just a thought.

  19. Jen

    That was too cute, especially how she stopped mid-scream as soon as you handed the cup back to her. Thank you for scaring me (I have 2 sons, I don’t even want to THINK about hairy balls, lmao)!

  20. Autumn

    You’re doing nothing wrong. You are normal. Your kids are normal. Blood in poop happens, no matter how scary it is.
    Cute kiddo. :)

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