Not again!

I’ve been feeling rather frustrated with my weight loss, or lack OF IT lately. (Thanks a LOT, person searching for “fat”!)
Remember my Fat Pants? They are the ones worn in this LOVELY picture.
I keep them up on my closet, and sometimes I pull them out and stare at them. I don’t want to feel that way about myself, about my appearance and I’m working on changing. Those pants remind me of the pain and being the self punisher that I am, I want to keep them as a reminder.
Tony hates them. He wants to burn them. Maybe one day I will, but I am not ready to get rid of them yet.
I decided to put them on a couple days ago. I wanted to SEE the progress I’ve made. I NEEDED to see it.
I know, I KNOW. Shutup already about my weight! I’m making myself sick, but I can’t help it. Every morning I wake up thinking about it. All day long I think about it, before I go to bed I think about it. Obsess Obsess Obsess. I wish I could make it stop.
Anyway. I took more pictures. And I should be embarrassed to show anyone, because, well, just because… but I’m not. I mean, I am, but I’m going to. So there.

It’s hard for me not to just focus on the negatives.
The ROUNDNESS of my face.
The rolls around my waist.
(And I can totally see how someone is going to twist that as “fishing for compliments”. Whatever)
But I’m trying to look at the progress. I’m trying to go “Ok, a few more months and your heart will be a little safer, your back won’t hurt as much, your joints won’t ache so badly, because you’ll be even THINNER which means healthier and YAY for healthier!
I feel like I need to apologize, again, like, “Sorry for writing about my weight again, and posting more pictures again and for being annoying as hell again!” But, I won’t.
Now, off to do my Billy Blanks Boot Camp. (Yeah, I bought it. JEALOUS? But seriously? He likes to jump a lot and my boobs HATE jumping, does anyone out there know of a good support bra for wimmins with Big Ones? If so, let me know, I NEED ONE)
Also? No more weight loss talk. It’s annoying.

30 thoughts on “Not again!

  1. Sarcastic Journalist

    I have “big ones” and i think it was a champion bra. or something.
    RE: Weight and your appearance. I think you look good. I know you’re thinking about roundness and sagginess but I’ll tell you my secret.
    People are too self absorbed (ha you know that) to care about what other people look like.

  2. Y

    Ha! I know.
    but it’s about what I think of what I look like.
    I hate my sagging tits. I hate my stretched out belly button. I hate the skin hanging from my gut. I hate the rolls around my waist. I hate the stretch marks EVERYWHERE… but mostly, I hate that I feel like shit fromall of the extra weight. I just want to be healthy again.

  3. Kathy Howe

    That is an AMAZING weight loss!
    Good for you for sticking with it – I have NO willpower so I cannot imagine how HARD it must be!

  4. Wendy

    I bought the bra the Oprah was talking about. it’s called Enell, and when I started wearing it to the gym and to softball, my back stopped hurting and I didn’t feel like I was gonna knock some poor unsuspecting soul out with either tit when I was running around the bases in a game.
    My vote’s for Enell. Definitely.

  5. daisy

    this may sound a little crazy but when i work out i wear two bras to make sure my babies stay in place. i can’t find just one bra to make them stay in place and it can hurt!
    anyway, you’re looking great and doing an awesome job with your weight loss! keep it up =)

  6. dazed

    Y, (officially delurking…)
    Would you focus on the AIR in between your body and those pants? YOU ARE DOING IT!!! This shit isnt going to happen over night, just keep at it. Dont hate on your face so much, I look at the pictures of Gabby and then the pictures of you, and see a sweet baby girl that looks just like her mama, both beautiful.
    As far as keeping those funbags from hitting you in the chin, I recommend a champion sports bra…not the cheapy ones from target b/c they lose their “hold” after a week, but a good sturdy cotton one from Dicks (do you have those there..its a sporting goods store).
    Keep it up girl, you can do this!!!

  7. alex

    I just came across your blog by a link from another blog and I wanted to say that I think you look GREAT in those pictures you posted. You are a hot latina mom!
    I’m not just saying that, I read each of your criticisms and then checked out the photos, and I do not agree with a single one.
    You’re beautiful, MUCH prettier than anorexic-no-curves-boyish girls walking around LA.
    alex, 23 yrs

  8. Chelle

    Wow! Great job, keep up the hard work. and good luck looking for the perfect bra. Billy likes to jump a lot because he doesn’t have boobs.

  9. hed

    Hey! Don’t apologize for writing about stuff that’s on your mind. There are a lot of us out there trying to do the same thing you are doing, and yes, yes, yes, it takes time. It takes hard work. It takes discipline. And you, darling, are doing it. I think you look fabulous, and yes, the changes are not only noticeable, they are dramatic.
    None of us are going to get there overnight, and I know it can be frustrating, but remember, you are doing it! And you look FABULOUS!
    No more apologies. This blog is for you. And well, all the other people who keep coming back to read you everyday. They wouldn’t do it if you weren’t an inspiration. So there!
    Get down wit’cho’hott’sef!

  10. Macca

    I love this post because it has a nice positive vibe.
    Look at all the progress you’ve made!! It’s taking time, and I think that is one of the challenges of weight loss: slow results. It makes people that much more suceptible (yecch I spell like crap) to giving up.
    You are a beautiful woman and I hope you burn those pants a soon as possible.
    Stay positive and feed off all these awesome people who support you day in and day out.
    You’ll get back to where you want to be, we all know it.

  11. geeky

    dude, you need to stop being so damn hard on yourself. if i were in your shoes, every day on my website i’d be all “look at how much weight i lost! aren’t i awesome?!!?” you need to stop focusing on the negative, and look at all the positives. some people struggle with losing weight their whole lives, and look at you just knocking off those pounds! you need to give yourself credit for all of the great work you’ve done so far, and use that as motivation – “i got this far, i can go farther”.

  12. christiane

    HOLY COW! You have lost soooo much weight! I totally understand about the “fat pants” and how you don’t want to get rid of them. I am the heaviest now that I have ever been…even when I was pregnant. You are so lucky to have Tony, a man that loves you unconditionally. I am usually ok with my size until a man starts to be interested in me….that is when the self doubt creeps in. That is when I start to think, “I am soo fat, why would he be interested in ME?” Anyways, I am rambling when I just wanted to say you look gorgeous and congrats on your weight loss so far. Keep it up!

  13. vicki

    You DO need a new wardrobe! That’s very impressive. All I do is dream about losing weight. :-)
    Title Nine -online or catalog- has the best bra assortment I know of for boobies of all sizes. I’m generally looking for a bra for no boobies but I know they have some great sports bras for large breasts because a couple women in my pilates class order them from there.

  14. RisibleGirl

    You look FAB. REally fab.
    Me? I tell people that I’m still trying to lose my baby weight and hope that they don’t ask how old my baby is.
    It’s kind of embarassing to admit that he’s 22. Not months. Years. 😉
    Congrats on the weight loss!

  15. pinkme

    I must say Congrats! You have lost a lot of weight.
    I am struggling with my weight too and…
    I bought Billy’s Boot Camp! It is gonna hurt girl!!
    I wear a bra called-ready for this- Jogbra. I also wear it over my regular bra cause I hate jiggling boobs ( I have looked for a bra for my fat ass but they don’t make one).

  16. lee

    Wow, Yvonne, seeing you in those pants is MADNESS. With all the bitching you’ve done about your weight here (I’m not complaining, I get why you do it), I got the impression that things hadn’t changed all that much for you. But DAYUM, there’s some serious proof to the contrary, right here on this page. Even if you insist on focusing on the negatives, you have to admit that you’re postively swimming in those pants. That is just awesome.
    Oh, yeah, and I agree with the above poster: Enell bra, all the way.

  17. Tammy/averagemom

    Holy Crap! All this time, I should you were serious about “I’m not losing weight, blah blah.” You’ve been holding out on us! Keep the pants. They will make you feel good everytime you put them on.
    Personally, I hold a tit in each hand when I exercise. Nothing else seems to keep them from bouncing from my knees up to hit me in the chin.

  18. shy me

    I aint never found a bra that supports my (fairly) big uns so I usually end up with two and doing this weird thing where I hold my back a certain way so they bounce less. And yeah, I felt it was necessary to say “ain’t”

  19. molly

    Ok, I hardly ever comment on sites I read (and I read yours often), but I just had to say that you look really great. I would be jumping up and down if I had lost as much weight as you have. Congratulations. I wish I could… :(

  20. caitlin

    you look awesome. your progress is great. I think the biggest part of losing weight is also coming to terms with your “new” self and learning to say “ok. this is good enough.” there’s no sense in looking fit and great if you haven’t dealt with those feelings of being “not good enough” because you’ll always beat yourself up, even if you are a size 0. it took me a long time to feel “ok” with being me. but man, you are gorgeous, keep up the great work!

  21. caitlin

    p.s. I LOVE the ass. it is great. whatever you do, don’t get rid of it. it’s the best ASSet I’ve seen in the blog world!

  22. Martie

    First time visitor, I came from Rori and just wanted to say that I like your blog…I can so relate to some of the stuff you put.
    Now I think you made a huge progress I can’t even tell you how many times I started and re-started my diet. :(
    Continue on!

  23. jen

    OMG! Good for you!
    Hey, try One Hanes Place. Good bras there. They totally lift you up. In more ways than one!
    We’re coming into LA on July 8 and leaving on July 12– can you come up on Sat. July 9???

  24. Cyn

    Y, I recently read about aspartame sensitivity in a First magazine. When I read that article, I thought of you. Some of your symptoms sound like aspartame sensitivity. The article was about a woman who would wake up in the middle of the night not being able to breathe among other things. You should look it up if you drink and eat diet food and/or pop, especially Diet Coke. Aspartame is even hidden in tooth paste and vitamins! Doctors don’t know everything. You don’t look heavy enough to me to have breathing problems because of your weight. You are looking good these days!

  25. D

    WooHoo! I knew you could do it :)
    I also keep one pair of pants just to keep my ass in line…for those days I say i’m “fat” I put those pants on and I feel much better that both my legs still fit in ONE leg. I also got my nose pierced when I reached 200lbs back in December. Some people treat themselves…me I chose a nose piercing. Since I have to look in the mirror everyday it reminds of the person I was, and what a miserable depressed person I was…and how I will never become that person again.

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