I’ve been feeling rather frustrated with my weight loss, or lack OF IT lately. (Thanks a LOT, person searching for “fat”!)
Remember my Fat Pants? They are the ones worn in this LOVELY picture.
I keep them up on my closet, and sometimes I pull them out and stare at them. I don’t want to feel that way about myself, about my appearance and I’m working on changing. Those pants remind me of the pain and being the self punisher that I am, I want to keep them as a reminder.
Tony hates them. He wants to burn them. Maybe one day I will, but I am not ready to get rid of them yet.
I decided to put them on a couple days ago. I wanted to SEE the progress I’ve made. I NEEDED to see it.
I know, I KNOW. Shutup already about my weight! I’m making myself sick, but I can’t help it. Every morning I wake up thinking about it. All day long I think about it, before I go to bed I think about it. Obsess Obsess Obsess. I wish I could make it stop.
Anyway. I took more pictures. And I should be embarrassed to show anyone, because, well, just because… but I’m not. I mean, I am, but I’m going to. So there.
It’s hard for me not to just focus on the negatives.
The ROUNDNESS of my face.
The rolls around my waist.
The SAGGAGE OF MY BIG ONES!
(And I can totally see how someone is going to twist that as “fishing for compliments”. Whatever)
But I’m trying to look at the progress. I’m trying to go “Ok, a few more months and your heart will be a little safer, your back won’t hurt as much, your joints won’t ache so badly, because you’ll be even THINNER which means healthier and YAY for healthier!
I feel like I need to apologize, again, like, “Sorry for writing about my weight again, and posting more pictures again and for being annoying as hell again!” But, I won’t.
Now, off to do my Billy Blanks Boot Camp. (Yeah, I bought it. JEALOUS? But seriously? He likes to jump a lot and my boobs HATE jumping, does anyone out there know of a good support bra for wimmins with Big Ones? If so, let me know, I NEED ONE)
Also? No more weight loss talk. It’s annoying.