View THIS.

I have a confession.
I tivo’d The View.
If you knew how much I hate each and everyone of those women, you’d understand how badly it hurt to hit “record”. I haven’t watched them in YEARS, but last night, I saw a commercial that said Dr.Cruise was going to be on and I was like OH I HATE HIM SO I HAVE TO WATCH IT!
I just finished watching it and HOLY SHIT, it was worse than I had imagined it would be.
OH MY GOD.
Each of them kissed his ass profusely, as I expected they would, but WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH THOSE WOMEN? It was “katie” this and “katie” that and “you must work out a lot because look at your body”. and “the movie was INCREDIBLE” and “GO GET KATIE WE WANT TO SEE HER BECAUSE THE WHOLE WORLD HASN’T HAD ENOUGH OF YOU BOTH YET SO GO GO OMG HERE SHE COMES EEEEEEEEEEEEE KATIE!”
I would love to “sit down” and “talk” with Mr.Cruise.
“Hey Tom, you recently made comments about Brooke Shields in which you judged her for the way she chose to treat her post partum depression. My question for you is.. When did you grow a vagina? Oh, you don’t have a vagina? Seriously? You mean, you’ve never pushed a human being with a skull and bones out of your twat? REALLY? Then why don’t you shut the fuck up about women’s issues already? Or, better yet? Why don’t you say it to my face, pretty boy? Tell me I was wrong to take medication to keep me from hurting myself YOU BIG STUD. SAY.IT.RIGHT.NOW.”
Why is the media so damn nice to that man? Why do the WOMEN continue to kiss his ass? I think he could say “I beat my wimmins and make them chew my toenails” and the women on The View would be like “You’re amazing, Tom! I’m jealous of Katie!”
Puke.
In other news, I got my hair “cut” today. Only, I chickened out because I’ve become completely attached to my long hair and only got a trim.
I love it though, it’s so fresh and light and shiny and… people? I’M IN LOVE. That’s right. I’m in love with my hair, because my hair is beautiful and compassionate, and my hair cares deeply about people.

YEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSS!


Ok, I had to add this because, while I LOVE the positivity and compliments, I’m totally NOT TEENY. Not even close to teeny. I still have a lot of weight to lose, and by a lot, I mean at least 50. I don’t want to run into one of you one day whilst out getting coffee and having you be all “She LIED to us, she’s NOT TEENY!!” So, in the tradition of keeping it real, here ya go…

p.s.This post was supposed to be about me making fun of The Asshole, not about the size of my ass, but since y’all brought it up, I had to set the record straight.
p.s.ssss.ss. I love you guys

43 thoughts on “View THIS.

  1. ben

    I think Tom is finally saying “what the fuck.”
    I think he’s held back for the last twenty years or so, and now we get to see who he really is.
    That, or he could really use having his meds adjusted. Maybe a little of both.
    Love the hair. Are you making a fist or holding back puke? W/R/T Tom, it could go either way.

  2. Y

    ben, I’m making a fist! Just like Tom did on Oprah! because I love my hair so much! Because my hair is… I’M IN LOVE MAN.

  3. etherian

    I would not have been able to sit through that. Cruise needs to stop opening his mouth and needs to start listening. I honestly don’t mind it if he has an opinion, but to claim in so many words, that’s he knows what he’s talking about because he’s studied psychiatry and drugs and I haven’t, is WRONG. I’ll bet I know as much as he does about psychiatry, and I certainly know much more about my drugs than he does.
    Cruise may have a valid point of view to bring up, but he’s so damn busy hitting us all over the head with a brick and telling us he’s smarter than us dumbf**ks, that there’s no way we want to DISCUSS anything with him.
    SHUT UP, CRUISE!
    …sorry Y, for venting on your space….

  4. Vickie

    I CANNOT STAND KATIE WHATEVERHERNAME IS KATIE COURIC AND KATIE WHATEVER AND CRUISE and OPRAH and BY the way what is up with Oprah all complaining about how she was not allowed in that department store in Paris, 15 minutes AFTER IT CLOSED? And her friend Gail King was all “Oprah was absolutely MORTIFIED”. That’s right, your celebrity ass wasn’t allowed in a store because IT CLOSED But SHE is the queen of everything on this planet and SHE should be allowed to go someplace even if it’s after HOURS and now she’s going to devote one of her shows to the “racism problem” that even SHE encounters???? My God what that woman will not start up just to start up SHIT.
    Can you tell I’m having a shitty afternoon?
    Beautiful hair, btw.

  5. kristal

    You are the BOMB! You HAVE to add that to your “popup” collection. Because I just “love” your “popup” pictures. “thumbs up”

  6. Kitten

    I totally love that skirt!!! You look great in it! Please keep wearing that color.
    And Tom, if you google yourself (and we know you do) and come across this site (no pun intended), here’s another note from another woman who is not swayed by your 5’3″ physique: shut the fuck up.

  7. suzie

    all i can see when i look at your picture is your THIN THIN ankles. i remember your poor swollen feet pictures from the last month of your pregnancy and when i see your bee-yu-ti-ful legs now i just want to weep, because maybe, JUST MAYBE, there is hope i will not be swollen legged freak forever. if you were here i would hug you for giving me a glimmer of happiness.
    and your hair looks fantastic too :)

  8. Kristina

    Jesus! You look good girl. You look like you keep shrinking. You just look amazing and I totally love your hair.

  9. Canadian Lauren

    I’ll have to second or third that your skirt looks awesome!!!
    YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!

  10. RC's Girl

    I love your hair, I love it so much I jumped on my couch to show you how much. I have hair envy.
    Then I moved on to skirt envy and rockin’ body envy. Check you out! You look faboo. Seriously, you look fabulous.

  11. ayesha97

    *laughs at self* I so thought that you were trying to do a fake puke!
    And to add on to the many messages… You do look great! Keep up the good work!

  12. Sarcastic Journalist

    Somebody better give herself credit, woman. Didn’t you have like 80 to lose? Hello you look Hizot. And look at that pretty outfit.
    Say something positive or I’ll kick your ass.

  13. gojou

    How beautiful you look with that great big smile on your face, Y — it’s good to see you smile so big!

  14. Christina

    Seriously. I echo the compliments about your fabulous smile. And also, you have EXCELLENT eyebrows (is that clear mascara, or do you just have them threaded?) and in conclusion… fabulous rack!

  15. sphinxy

    YOu look great..and I know everyone else said it already…but you really do. And I want that skirt…where did you get it?

  16. Y

    WHAT ABOUT MY TOM CRUISE IMPRESSION!?
    Because, I totally do NOT know how to deal with all of the compliments.
    I guess I should just say THANK YOU!
    But, man, it’s hard for me to take.
    And Sphinxy? $14.99 at Target (exhilaration, brand)
    Yeah, I buy clothes at Target… JEALOUS?!?

  17. Sarcastic Journalist

    So yeah do you want us to discuss your Tom Cruise act? Because, really I think the Internet just wants to tell you how cute you look today.
    Or, is it that you are SOOO excited that you saw Star Jones that you don’t get on IM? I’d totally email you but MY EMAIL DOES NOT WORK. I must send all communication through your blog because I am hijacking it.

  18. Bob

    My hair once saved the life of this 19 year old self mutilating heroin junkie subway tunnel prostitute named “Jenni” It’s a long story, sure you have time for this? you’re not? excuse me? what EXACTLY is more important than the life of my Jenni? hmmmm? God you’re so selfish. But you do have a happening ass.

  19. Sara

    HAAAAAAAAAAA.
    I just CRACKED my feeling sorry for myself ass up over here at The Pose.
    I think it should appear as regularly as “the quotes” pic for all “yesssssssssss” moments.

  20. Mindy

    See, I thought you were just bending down to get the best reflection from the lights so we could all be jealous!
    The shine! THE SHINE! God, that’s what we pay for at the salon: the mighty shine that makes us look ethereal and goddess-y, if only for the thirty minutes before we collapse into bed and fuck it up.
    Also? Someone else was talking about Asshole yesterday and I said that he should be sentenced to having a baby with me and then living in close quarters for a year after the birth.

  21. Amy S

    Y,
    I am going to be in SF in July, lets meet up for coffee and look teeny together…
    You so gotta jump on the couch. That would be funny.

  22. shannon

    I think your “Tom Cruise” was (can I use his words?) “magnificent” and “amazing.”
    and I got my haircut yesterday, too! but mine is not nearly as cute as yours.
    btw…I am watching that stupid interview right now and I’m about to ruin my computer by vomitting all over it!

  23. pink lotus

    Disliking The View more and more… First Baba Wawa and Elisabeth say that breastfeeding makes them uncomfortable, then they kiss Tom Cruise’s ass after the comments he made about Brooke Shields.
    I just got a cute outfit from Target, too. I love their clothes. I needed something that my post-partum body could fit into. You look great! :)

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