Yo quero un strudel

Why do people act so shocked when I tell them I don’t speak Spanish? What is UP with that?
Yes, I’m HALF Mexican, but, um, I wasn’t raised in Mexico. I was raised in here in the good ol U.S of A. And? My mom is WHITE. I’m only part Mexican, people. The other part is German/Croation. I like to call myself a Germican.
My dad never spoke Spanish in our house. Always English. That’s not totally true. We’d say “tortilla” and “chonis” and “cola”, but other than that? Straight up English in our casa.
I can’t ever recall anyone being shocked or outraged that I don’t speak German. Never ONCE have I had anyone been all up in my grill when we pass by a Der Wienerschnitzel.
“What’s a shnitzel?” You’re German! YOU SHOULD KNOW THAT!” But DIOS MIO, if we pass by Casa Jiminez and I can’t tell The Whitey in the car what a Jiminez is? THE OUTRAGE!!
You’re half mexican! You should know what a Jiminez is!
Really? I should? Well, HOW COME YOU DIDN’T ASK ME WHAT A SCHNIZTEL IS WHEN WE PASSED DER WIENERSCHNITZEL? Why are you singling out My Mexican?
“Well… your DAD IS MEXICAN!”
I yiyiiiii! You’re correcto! I totally forgoto! I’ve been so busy doing gigs with my Mariachi bando, that completely SLIPPED MY MINDo! Thank you SO much for reminding me! Can I treat you to a burrito?
What’s with the outrage, people?

26 thoughts on “Yo quero un strudel

  1. Annika

    Don’t worry, I don’t speak Spanish either.
    Which is probably irrelevant since I’m not Spanish, or Mexican, or any other Spanish-speaking nationality, but whatever. I also don’t speak Sicilian.
    This reminds me of some talk show I saw once (probably Montel or something) where these two girls were fighting because they were both half black but one of them (GASP) acknowledged that she was also half WHITE and maybe that culture should be part of her life as well.
    Now that I think about it, it was totally Ricki Lake.

  2. Heatheranne

    WHAT?! All this time I’ve been reading this site in hopes of learning new espanol. I feel so cheated.
    I took Spanish in college and honestly they only things I learned were how to tell you when my birthday is and “No, no me gusta estudiar espanol.” But I’m proud to say that I do know the important words like “burrito, tortilla, taco, and tequila.”

  3. kim

    i speak german. fluently. but that ’cause i’m german. and a schnitzel is a breaded, fried piece of meat that i’m not a big fan of. yo quero taco bell..

  4. NinaKaye

    Oh god, I’m laughing so hard I’m crying. My husband’s even laughing. Just this morning while he was watching Univision or whatever spanish channel it was on I said “just add an o to the end of words to make is spanish.” hehehe He’s always asking me what they’re saying on there (he watches it for the girls and their fake boobs) and I’m all “how the hell do I know?” I’m from Texas, I forgot we all know spanish.

  5. Melissa

    A friend of mine is doing her residency in Arizona. She is Indian (dot, not feather, her words) and people are often giving her a hard time for not knowing Spanish. They assume that darker skin equals hispanic.

  6. kristal

    I hear you… I am as white as they come, but because my husband is hispanic, everyone assumes that I know what they are saying. For the first year or two, they made an attempt to translate for me. Not anymore. Now they are used to me, so they assume I can understand. I am glad that they feel that I am ‘one of them’, but that means I also have to hear all their racial remarks:
    Me: [in shocked voice]Did you hear about that woman on the news that cheated on her husband with ten different men, and then skinned him alive with a butter knife when he confronted her?
    Them: [with knowing looks] What do you expect? She is WHITE. They are all like that…
    ummmmm, people. I. Am. White.

  7. Jen

    My red-headed pale-skinned husband speaks spanish. Actually english is his second language. No one EVER expects that one. 😉

  8. Katherine

    Bwah!!! I’ve been away for a while, but what a welcome back! And yes, I completely agree that you should learn German just to shit with those people.

  9. halloweenlover

    YOU ARE SO RIGHT. It is ridiculous. My hubbie just got a call from a friend of his who told him that his friend’s wife is columbian (just studying here) and another friend’s wife is from Spain (just moved here) and since your wife is latina we thought you could come over and we’ll have a latina wives brunch. And no, I am not kidding.
    But people, I was BORN HERE. I was RAISED HERE. I speaka da inglish.
    I do speak spanish, but what difference does it make? I don’t see my friends calling to let me know that they have friends that are polish and how about we have a polish brunch for your husband to attend?
    Freaks.
    And so sorry about your poor baby. He looks so sad. Hope he feels better soon.

  10. Aim

    Y, regardless of what you are, we love you. :) Now get in the kitchen and make me a taco!
    KIDDING! SO KIDDING. Don’t shoot me :) xoxox

  11. Jenny

    Chica, me gustan los zapatos.
    And there you have it. The sum total of my espanol after five years of study.
    My husband is half Korean and always gets shit from other Koreans for not speaking it. He was born there, spoke only Korean until he was 5, but then moved to the US and his parents used only English from that point forward.
    (He can, however, identify the words for ‘retard’ and ‘idiot’ as well a few phrases like ‘pass me the ashtray’… clearly his mom was all about preserving his roots and culture. Ahahahaha)

  12. Christina

    I get the same thing too. I’m full filipina. People flip too just because I could understand the language and not speak it. I was born in the U.S.A. and we speak english here, so what is the surprise?! So I understand where your coming from.

  13. LT

    Yvonne, f you! I can’t believe you don’t know Spanish. Actually…wait… wtf is Spanish? I thought Mexicans speak Mexican. Germans speak German, the French speak French, wtf????????????????

  14. Xaymara

    i was born and raised in PR and moved here to the states for college. Now I have a 3yr old daughter and I get yelled at because she doesn’t speak more spanish. I tell them HELLO! this is the US, she needs the English first and if she can pick up the Spanish then that’s all fine and dandy (we speak Spanish at home but mostly english to her). I tell my mom that she better start brushing up in her English skills

  15. angela

    okay, i’m mexican/german with a bit of jew in there. i call myself the mexijew or jewican… i’m whiter than snow, so until i got married, i always got the “why is your last name sanchez” speech. dude…
    i feel your pain, but now that i’m married to a white boy, it’s somewhat less apparent. i’m american and i speak english!

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