Self healer

I had an appointment with my doctor today about the boob.
I was 20 minutes late, but they didn’t turn me away.
This time anyway. But they warned me and assured me if it happened again, they’d not see me.
Whatever, I’m going back to Kaiser next month anyway.
Kiss it.
I was worried that Dr.TellmesomethingIdon’talreadyknow would be as rude as she was last time I saw her. I was worried she’d be all “well of course your boob hurts… YOU’RE FAT!”
To my surprise, she was slightly more friendly and this time? She actually stopped typing on her computer and examined me.
She did this thing that kind of weirded me out. She stood back and stared at my boobs for what felt like 2 hours. I wanted to start telling jokes. I wanted to pick them up, and start bouncing them up and down whilst making monkey noises. I wanted to squirt her with my milk. I just wanted to do something, anything to make her stop staring at them from across the room.
When she finally finished, she said she noticed the left one was much bigger than the right one and that could be from swelling. (I didn’t tell her that it’s BEEN bigger for a while now because at that moment, I wanted to believe she was right and it was just “swollen”. I hate thinking I will forever have lobsided boobs.) Like, it’s so much bigger than the other one that my shirt actually pulls in that direction. As if I wasn’t hot enough, huh?
Good news is I don’t have to go on antibiotics. I only need to continue applying heat and… (totally hating to say this because this means The Man was right) TAKE HOT SHOWERS! The other good news is that I’ve lost 12 pounds since the last time I saw her.
And you KNOW I kept bringing that up. Every.chance.I.Got. It took everything in me to not be all “WHO’S FAT NOW, WOMAN?!”
So, it looks like the Needled Nip is on the mend. I suppose it’s ok to stop worrying that it might fall off while I’m sleeping now.

17 thoughts on “Self healer

  1. Rae

    Good to hear, Y. Glad it wasn’t mastitis or worse. And hey, we will TOTALLY look the other way on the Hubby thing, promise 😉

  2. dana michelle

    Y, I beseech you. Please do not string together the words “Stuck a needle in my nipple” anymore. Seriously. I am beyond horrified. I have rammed a needle into various places in my body to extract a sliver or pop a zit, or even relieve the pressure under a fingernail that I had smashed with a hammer, but the mere thought of sticking a needle “there” just freaks me the hell out. I can’t even imagine the pain you must have been in to be willing to do that.
    Ow, ow, ow, ow OWWWWWWW!!!
    But I am glad your boob is feeling bettter 😉

  3. Annika

    I have been dying to say this all week, but held back because I was very worried that something could be wrong with your poor sore boob. Now that you know you’re all right, all bets are off.
    FRANKENBOOB.
    Thank you.

  4. Suzi

    Whew! I’m so glad, because it’s after 1 a.m., and I kid you not, I was just thinking, hmmmm. . .that lady I don’t even really know, the one who’s really funny and has the extra-cute baby, the one who stuck a needle in her boob (the lady, not the baby), I wonder how that all panned out? So yay! I’m happy you’re on the mend.

  5. Beth

    Not that I spend a lot, if any, time thinking about your boobs, but I was wondering how you were doing. Glad to hear you’re on your way to feeling better! Way cool about the weight loss, too! You’re really doing it! :-)

  6. Leslie

    I am really glad you are feeling better. And Yeah way to go you can’t call your self fat if your losing weight right? I think you are beautiful inside and out.

  7. geeky

    i’m glad your boob isn’t going to fall off! also, i thought i would point out that lots of womens have lopsided boobs.

  8. ben

    I so love the mental image of you pulling one up and hosing the doc off with tittymilk.
    Heh.
    (oh, and I think I found your 12 pounds. You want it back?)

  9. coop

    I recently came across your blog and have been reading along. I thought I would leave my first comment. I don’t know what to say except that I have enjoyed reading. Nice blog. I will keep visiting this blog very often.

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