We’re having a bit of a “facial enlargement due to a severe infection of the tooth” over here. Anyone who knows me would know that this means that I am in full freak out mode. (For the record? The swelling has gotten worse and his eye is almost swollen shut now. I swear I’m not exaggerating one bit!)
Ethan started crying on Sunday complaining of severe pain. I called TWO dentists (his old pediatric dentist and our new piece of crap, don’t know how to keep his office clean dentist). Both of their voicemails said “if this is in emergency, we WILL call you RIGHT BACK.
I must be dumb because I thought that meant they’d call me right back or something, but apparently, that was “code” for “we won’t call you back EVER” because neither one of them called back!
This morning I was awoken by a crying boy with HALF OF HIS FACE SWOLLEN. I did what I normally do when I see one of my offspring with a swollen body part and I FREAKED THE HELL OUT.
When am I going to stop doing this? As their mother, it is my job to make them feel like everything is going to be ok and they’re not going to die or have to get half of their face chopped off. But every single time, I turn into MY mother, the mother who went made us take my brother to the neighbors house with a finger hanging on by a piece of skin because she freaked out when she saw the blood. That was the example I had of how a mother is supposed to handle blood and swollen faces, so, I blame her.
I calmed down and got a grip, until Ethan started THROWING UP.
That is when I called Tony at work demanding he come home because throwing up + facial swelling of half of his entire face = emergency. I don’t DO emergencies by myself. It’s in The Contract.
I had no idea Ethan wouldn’t be the only one chucking up puke. I caught a glance of son emptying the cup he had filled with his PUSSY,BLOODY SPIT into the sink and WHOMP! There went a little throw up in the dentist’s office.
I swear I’m a great mother as long as my kids aren’t swollen anywhere, bleeding from their heads, puking or SPITTING PUS INTO A CUP.
I’m currently administering antibiotics, motrin, icepacks and lots of love to poor baby and in 10 days, I will be taking him back to the dentist for a tooth extraction.
The joys of parenting, they never cease to end.