I can’t figure out which is more painful.
My left nipple or the fact that Gabby finally figured out how to pull herself up and stand in her crib.
While the nipple hurts pretty freaking bad, the fact that Gabby can now STAND UP IN HER CRIB hurts a little more, I think.
Why does your nipple hurt? You ask.
Oh, well, because I had to STICK A NEEDLE IN IT to unclog a milk ducts. And after I STUCK A NEEDLE IN IT, I had to take a hot shower and squeeze that nipple really hard to make sure that sticking a needle in it had unclogged the duct.
Oh mama.
Hurt.
Bad.
After hearing that, you’re probably all “Well of course that’s more painful than Gabby standing up in her crib!”
Physically, yes, it is.
But do you know how much it sucks that instead of taking a nap, she now stands up and screams “HAAAAAAAYYYYY MAMAMAMA HAAAAAYYYYY!” And she laughs this totally fake laugh as if she’s saying “HAHAHHA I CAN STAND! AND I CAN SEE YOU WHEN YOU WALK BY! AND YOU CAN NOT MAKE ME LAY DOWN! FOR HAHAHHAHA I CAN STAND!”
It’s only a matter of time before she figures out how to climb out of that crib, just like her big brothers did.
That, people, is painful to my heart. And to my “free time”.
You know what else is painful?
Having to stare at a half tray of brownies everytime I enter the kitchen. I can’t touch them, if I do, I’ll not be able to stop. My ass knows this and left a message for me.
So far, it’s working. I think it has something to do with the falling poop, I’m not sure. But MAN does it’s killing me to not eat one. But let’s focus on the positive… at least I don’t have to stick a needle in my ass to unclog it.
(p.s. there’s a very good chance that this post makes NO SENSE AT ALL, but, because I’m too busy crying about a)my nipple pain b) Gabby refusing to LAY HER ASS DOWN AND SLEEP c)brownies I have no desire to go back and edit it.)
Soak the brownies. DO IT!!! It’s the only thing that will stop their incessant whispering for you to eat their scrumptious brown bliss.
Sorry about your nipple. I am sure you sterilized the needle before you poked it into your breast -right? They don’t call me Safety Pup for nothin’. I am the queen of mastitis so if you have any questions give me a call.
XOXOX
try putting a cold cabbage (kale) leaf on you nekkid boobie…does wonders!!!!
Cold cabbage is a great idea! It does work really well.
I’ll try it.
If I put cabbage on my butt, will it make me not want to eat the brownies?
#1 my nipple hurts now. thanks.
#2 at least gabby isn’t screaming.
#3 MOVE THOSE BROWNIES OFF THE COUNTER. OUT OF SIGHT, OUT OF MIND.
My nipples are having sympathy pains for yours. Ouch!
I have heard that cabbage leaves are like miracle workers for lactating boobies. When I wantd to ween my daughter someone told me to put them on to help.
Apparently you can go to Singapore and lay on a bed that rocks you back and forth making you sweat. It was on Oprah … so it’s gotta be true!
A girlfriend of mine actually put her vacuum nozzle on her nipple once to clear a blocked duct. Oh, the horror. She was lucky she didn’t cause major damage.
Tell Miss Thang she needs to lay her cute buns down, or you will buy her one of those crib cage things. AND THEN WHO WILL BE LAUGHING?
(The poop-butt W is brilliant. Inspired.)
I used to make my W into some boobs. I thought they were huge and nobody ever would have boobs that big in the world… until I hit puberty.
Now the boob looking W I used to start my first name with in 3rd grade isn’t so funny.
Ow. ow ow ow ow ow ow! OW! I sure hope your nipple is starting to recover. I personally think you deserve a brownie after that, but what do I know.
P.S. That is one Cute kid.
oh man, i am sorry about the needle on the boob…that sounds even more painful than volcanic diarrhea….
Dear Heaven. I thought you were going to say that your boob hurt because the baby lifted herself up to a standing position whilst suckling. But that wouldn’t make any sense, strategically speaking, would it. . . . .
Don’t mind me; I’m too tired to answer my ringing phone. And it’s only a few inches from my typing hands.
Ouchie boobs isn’t good…
Vacuum Nozzle? On her breast? Oh my God. I can’t stop laughing.
Only nurse on that side, if you can, pump the other or just nurse a bit less on the non-hurting breast.
No!!! She’s growing up too fast. Look at that smile, she knows she did something way cool.
My youngest is graduating high school in six weeks…I’d kill to have her just learning to pull herself up in the crib again…
That face of hers is hysterical! TOO expressive! HAAAAY MAAAAAAAA…..SHE’S GONNA BE WALKING IN ABOUT THREE MONTHS!!!!!!!!!!
damn, she’s a happy baby!!!!!
LOLOL! I can relate on so many levels, including the needle to the nipple and the baby learning to stand, which was coincidently the night I decided not to go to her immediately when she fussed, so she fell asleep standing up and then konked her head on the rail when she fell down đ The child is currently a perfectly happy 18-year-old cigar-smoking college girl and I’m still wracked with guilt. So for the love of everything holy, DON’T let Gabby cry herself to sleep! Not that you ever would. . .
Ouchhhhhhhhhh. I never did get to breastfeed any of my children due to health problems and now we are done having children.
That being said while I know it is healthier and all that good stuff that just freaks me out!
By the way, your daughter is adorable!
damn, you’re one strong woman (not only the nipples but the brownies…..) YOU ROCK! and she IS the cutest thing ever. she’ll be breaking hundrets of boys’ hearts.. ;o)
Ouch! My boob hurts. Thanks for the poopie, brownie trick. Does it work for cheesecake, too?
Cover the brownies and put them away. Out of sight out of mind.
I have to ask…..did someone tell you to do the needle thing?? It sounds awful and I’m wondering, did it work?
LOL! that was great, I am sorry about Gabby standing up in her crib already, and about the boob… both have gotta really hurt, I know the crib thing did when my kiddies were that age… it sucked.
I LOVE the butt thing that is too funny.
anyways, found you through Lujza! I read one post of yours and now I am hooked! I shall be back!
When I read posts about how profoundly happy moms are with their children, it makes me so glad that there are good, loving parents out there. When I read about things like the needle in the boob, I’m profoundly happy that I’ve decided not to be one of them. Your a braver woman than I am.
I’m sorry, but the moment you wrote needle and nipple, you lost me. Ow f**kin’ OW!