I am woman, here me whine

My boob is hurting something fierce at this very moment. (I said “fierce.” Clearly, America’s Next Top Model is taking over my brain.)
I’m actually starting to get worried about it.
Thank GOD I have peroxide. I have been dousing my nipple in the stuff, hoping to kill off what is obviously some sort of an infection.
Maybe sticking a needle inside of my boob wasn’t the “smartest” decision.
I’m trying not to panic, but I’m THIS CLOSE to losing it. If hourly peroxide swabbings of the nip do not work, I’m going to be forced to see a doctor about the issue.
I don’t like going to the doctors to talk about my boobs. And I HATE the doctors touching my boobs.
I’d rather give birth and poop on the doctor.
The few times I’ve had to see the doctor about my boobs, I’ve always resorted to making stupid jokes while being groped.
“How old are you,again?” My doctor, who happens to be a man, once asked whilst looking at my unclothed boobs.
Convinced he was asking because he was SHOCKED at the saggage of my twenty seven year old breasts, I said all hilarious like “I’m 27, but you’d think I was 80 by the look of those things, huh?”
But seriously, folks, self depricating humor is how I deal.
I’m not sure how long I should continue to bathe my boobs in the ‘xide before putting down the q-tip and calling the doctor. I guess that’s my dilema. I am willing to put up with the pain and pray that the peroxide works, but I am NOT willing to have to have my nipple chopped off because the infection has raged beyond the point of no return.
What’s a girl to do?
Tony says I just need to take a hot shower and let the water hit the boob.
But that’s Tony’s cure for everything.
“My back is KILLING ME!” I say.
“TAKE A HOT SHOWER! Tony replies.
“I have a horrible headache.” I say.
“Take a hot shower!” Tony replies.
“I have cramps!” I say
“Take a hot shower!” Tony replies.
God forbid he offer to rub my back, or massage my temples or go get me some flippin’ chocolate.
“Take a hot shower!” He says. But who am I to get mad at him? He’s totally a doctor. No, really, he is. He may not have went to “medical school” but, in his mind, that doesn’t matter. From now on, you will address him as Dr.Takeahotshower.
Let’s get back to the boobs and the little white pocket that’s forming on my left nipple.
It hurts.
I’m scared.
And I wish Gabby would take a bottle so she wouldn’t have to suck on it and make me cry.

41 thoughts on “I am woman, here me whine

  1. girl

    get some Betadine solution (povidone-iodine 10%). that shit works miracles. I use it to clean my navel ring when it gets a little crusty (yeah, I know. bad visual.) after I clean with that, I usually put a little triple antibiotic ointment with pain relief on it. if that doesn’t clear it up, you may need some antibiotics. if the redness starts to spread, get your ass (and your tits) to the doctor, woman!

  2. Sarcastic Journalist

    As a person who enjoys a good homemade surgery, I think it is time to call your doctor.
    At least ask to speak to the nurse.
    Let’s put it this way: Do it now, or wait until it gets worse and you have to have more needles in your tit.
    I am also married to Mr. Hot Shower. Men. Hmph.

  3. Tanya

    I thought the doctor told you to do the (ow) needle (ow) thing (ow).
    As I have never lactated, I can’t pull rank and tell you to actually go, but please call the doctor and describe the situation to a nurse and see what she says. “Little white pocket?”
    *faints*

  4. Lisa

    Yes, I also agree you need to call the doctor. Likely you need oral antibiotics. But that doctor is SO going to give you the evil eye when you confess what you did!

  5. Beth

    I’d chime in with everyone else, but I understand you don’t like advice. ;^) Hope you feel better, though. Just reading about it makes me want to, well, cross my arms for a long time…

  6. Autumn

    You have an infection, dear. You’ll get a fever and a bigger problem.
    Don’t be a twit. Go to the doctor now.
    And do NOT stick needles in your tit do you have any idea what kinda of bacteria you have introduced to you system? Doctors do not burn needles (if that what you did) before sticking them in you.
    Jesus what is the matter with you. Go to the doctor. girl.

  7. Steph

    You may have a plugged duct, but if that festers it could turn into mastitis, which is much more serious and painful. I had plugged ducts many times while nursing my son, and I also dug into my nipple with a needle! I thought I was being obsessive about rooting out the blockage, but it did help. I was careful not to dig so deep that I bled. I also used warm compresses and spent many uncomfortable minutes pressing REALLY hard on my boob to force the milk through the blockage. It always eventually worked. It does help to keep nursing, even though it hurts. Can you contact a lactation consultant, or a breastfeeding support group? Good luck with your boobs!

  8. Mari

    Yea, go to thee doctor.
    Some simple antibiotics and a pain killer and you will be on your way to being better.
    They have stuff you can take and so Gabby can also still BF.
    Be careful.

  9. Sky

    Gawd woman! Call a doctor! I am SO not having children, I’ll adopt! EEK – needles; nipples? NO WAY. Call the doctor, call the doctor, call the doctor!

  10. Lindy

    I would expect you to have already been online researching this thing. I hate to sound like a spoil sport but in most cases when it comes to the boobages I’m with Dr. TAKEAHOTSHOWER.

  11. Kristina

    Y, girl, you know to go to the doctor don’t put off the inevitable. At best they’ll just give you some antibiotics. I have to take my daughter in this morning as she seems to have developed croup and bad. I hate that stuff. Everything is a version of something else. When it rains it pours! :)

  12. Psycho Kitty

    Well, I usually just read and laugh and get sniffly and keep my mouth shut, but as an official rep of the Hypochondriacs of America, I must say..Infection is Bad. Boobie Infection is Very Bad. You must go to the doctor.
    xo

  13. DeeGee

    Is there any reason to have a concern for your child nursing from an infected breast?
    For achy boobs, putting cabbage leaves in your bra and changing them every couple of hours works, but I don’t know about if you have an infection…
    I hope you feel better soon….

  14. Y

    Actually, in this case, dr.Tony is right to tell me to take a hot shower, but he’s not telling me something I didn’t already try 30 times. And? He tells me that everytime something is wrong with me, so I kind of resent him saying it.
    “I think I may be depressed”
    “TAKE A HOT SHOWER!”

  15. Rae

    Mastitis, Y, is BAAAAAAD shit. I had double mastitis after the birth of my first son. Not. fun. Hie thine self to the apothecary. *hugs* I can actually say that I have felt your pain. Hope you feel better soon, sweetie.

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