I saw this at LT’s and since the part of my brain that I use to write The Cheese with is temporarily disabled, I got SO EXCITED because… I’ve got nothing else.
1)My uncle once: yelled at me while I was cooking a sausage in the microwave for something that wasn’t my fault and made me burn my sausage.
2)Never in my life: have I mounted a mechanical bull
3)When I was five: I peed my pants during art because I didn’t think we were allowed to go pee with the art apron on. I thought no one noticed, so I faked a stomach ache and went to the nurses office. I remember thinking my mom had super powers when she walked into the office with a change of clothes in her hands. “How did SHE KNOW?”
4)High School was: pretty much the worst 4 years of my life.
5)I will never forget: anything mean Tony has ever said to me. EVER.
6)I once met: Jerry Springer
7)There’s this girl I know who: can fart like a trucker and look like a angel doing it.
8 )Once, at a bar: I cried.
9)By noon I’m usually: begging Gabby to STOP STANDING UP IN HER CRIB EVERYTIME I LAY HER DOWN AND TAKE A FREAKING NAP ALREADY.
10)Last night: I tried on a pair of pants that were too tight a month ago… and they fit!
11)If I only had: a flat stomach, I’d pierce my belly button.
12)Next time I go to church: will probably be this weekend.
13)Terry Schiavo: was starved to death. But, that’s what she wanted, right?
14)What worries me most: is losing a child.
15)When I turn my head left, I see: the bathroom door
16)When I turn my head right, I see: dirty blinds.
17)You know I’m lying when: I say “I don’t care if I don’t own a house yet! At least I have a roof over my head and I’m totally not jealous of the beautiful brand new homes all of my friends are buying!”
18) What I miss most about the eighties: my bangs, man. My perfectly sculpted, half up, half down bangs.
19)If I was a character written by Shakespeare, I’d be: I don’t know about about him to answer.
20)By this time next year: I want to be fit and healthy.
21)A better name for me would be: Dances With Self In Mirrors
22)I have a hard time understanding: Math, more specifically, my son’s math.
23)If I ever go back to school I’ll: feel like an old fart who’s totally out of place.
24)You know I like you if: I don’t flip you off as you walk away.
25)If I won an award, the first person I’d thank would be: My parents. I’ve come to appreciate them in a way I never thought I would.
26)Darwin, Mozart, Slim Pickens & Geraldine Ferraro: Fabio?
27)Take my advice, never: try to put out a match with a can of hairspray inside of a motor home. Seriously, DON’T.
28)My ideal breakfast is: chorizo and eggs with homemade tortillas and beans.
29)A song I love, but do not have is: Two Occassions, by the Deele
30)If you visit my hometown, I suggest: a) be prepared to be bored out of your mind b)like the mountains because we’re TOTALLY going to mount baldy c) have your finger ready to flip wimmins in SUV’s off.
31)Tulips, character flaws, microchips & track stars: ummm…
32)Why won’t people: LET ME MAKE MY FREAKING LANE CHANGE?
33)If you spend the night at my house: I’ll continually apologize for the mess and the ugly.
34)I’d stop my wedding for: NO ONE.
35)The world could do without: Mariah Carey
36)I’d rather lick the belly of a cockroach than: your foot.
37)My favorite blonde is: my niece
38) Paper clips are more useful than: Paula Abdul’s opinion
39) If I do anything well, it’s: make tittymilk.
40) And by the way: My nipple feels better.