Respect…the ‘tracked!

Yesterday Ethan overheard a PRIVATE conversation I was having with Gabby in which I lovingly told her she was being a stinky turd…
…Face. OK! I called her a stinky turd FACE!
Ethan didn’t like that. At all.
“How DARE you call my sister a stinky turd face! THAT’S THE WORST THING YOU COULD EVER SAY TO HER!!”
(I’ll admit I probably went to far by adding “face” at the end, but I’ve never claimed to be a “perfect” mother.)
“If you weren’t my mom, I’d punch you SO HARD RIGHT NOW!”
He walked out of the room and came back with 2 pieces of paper. He informed me he’d written out a contract and I had to sign it if I wanted him to stop being pissed.

Behold “The Contracked”.
After much laughter and many important questions, such as “well, what am I supposed to call her when she’s acting like a turdface?” I signed the “contracked”. I am no longer ALOUD to call Gabby a “tirdface”. Apparently, I’m also not ALOUD to call her “poopface” “crapface” or “freek” (None of which I’ve ever called her, but all of which Ethan felt necessary to include… JUST INCASE.)
Lucky for me, I’m totally ALOUD to call her “brat” “tinkybutt” “tinkerbutt” and “spoiled”. (Although, I’m NOT ALOUD to call her spoiled and brat at the same time.)
Dude. I got served contracked.

24 thoughts on “Respect…the ‘tracked!

  1. jenn

    Yvonne, that has got to be the most awesome contrackt I have ever seen! Is Ethan available for hire? I’d like to have him send my fiancee one of those, regarding his unwillingness to quit calling me his “oooooldddd laaaady”! :-)

  2. ratty

    when jocelyn was about 11 years old, i got a ‘contracked’ from HER stating that she would sit on my lap, even when she was a teenager :)
    and it’s still good for about 2 1/2 more years, woohoo!

  3. Chelle

    Oh that is hilarious! What a loyal brother ‘Tinkybutt’ has. I really like that he gave you some options there-lol!

  4. Chelle

    P.S. please don’t tell Ethan I call my precious daughter “little shit” sometimes. I don’t want to get into any trouble!

  5. dawn

    That’s so sweet!!!
    I’ve got a contracked signed by my now 18 year old daughter when she was about 6 stating that she hates boys and will NOT get married or move out until she is 30.
    So glad you told us about this story, it reminded me that I need to get that contracked out of my hope chest and give her a little reminder and make her stand up to her end of the agreement!
    What do the boys call Gabby? Do they call her sissy? It seems in our era that all siblings called each other sissy and bubba, you don’t see that much anymore. Funny thing is that I still call my brother bubba but I don’t do it with my sisters anymore………hmmm.
    Long winded as usual….outta here!

  6. HoneyBunny

    that’s the best! my sister used to make “contrackts” all the time. i was not allowed to make her set up the barbie town house as well as the barbie and the rockers sound stange and then decide to not play with her.
    she still remembers that. and she’s 27. ha!

  7. Rebecca (Bearca)

    Contracked! That is AWESOME.
    So this is hilarious, but it is SO TOUCHING that he is defending his baby sister. Sweet Ethan. I just think that’s lovely, and hope that my son does that someday.

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