F-A-T

Recently, I’ve run into several people that I hadn’t seen in quite a while. All of their reactions were exactly the same.
I didn’t even recognize you
And each time, I said the same thing.
Of course you didn’t, I’m FAT. I don’t even recognize myself sometimes
Judging by their reactions, it’s not ok to be honest. “Noooo, that’s not it. It’s… it’s… it’s…”
“I’m fat. Last time you saw me, I wasn’t fat!”
Well, no, um, well, uh…”
DAMN IT. Why can’t people just be honest and say “Well, yeah. You are. But I STILL LOVE YOU!”
It’s not like I’m saying “Well, because I’m an axe-murdering prostitute and last time you saw me, I wasn’t an axe-murdering prostitute!”
I’m saying THE TRUTH.
If I was 140 pounds the last time you saw me and I’m now 200 pounds, well… that’s PROBABLY why you don’t recognize me.
You read that right, I’m 200 pounds. Let’s go ahead and get that out in the open and out of the way right now.
My daughter is 7 months, I have ONLY LOST 50 pounds.
Basically? I suck and am failing big time with my weight loss. Remember when I was kicking much ass with my weight loss and I was all “I’ve changed and I’m GOING TO DO THIS!”? Umm, yeah. Here we are in MARCH and I’ve only lost another 9 since then.
Suck. Fail. Suck.
I’m ashamed. I’m embarassed. I’m disgusted with myself. What else is new? Yawn. At least I’m honest about it.
So, when I run into people, and they’re all “I didn’t recognize you.” I can’t help but answering with “Well DUH, I’M FAT AND STOP ACTING LIKE THAT’S NOT WHAT YOU MEANT.”
It annoys me. Why can’t people be honest about it? I know, they feel bad, but please?! Stop with the “No, you’re not fat. You just had a baby.”
STOP IT. I did NOT just have a baby. I had a baby SEVEN MONTHS AGO.
Just fucking stop it.
People are just trying to be nice, I suppose. But it’s not nice. It’s… I don’t know what it is, but I wish people would just stop.
The moral of this story?
If you should ever see me in public and I say “Hi! I’m Y and I’m fat!” Just say “Yes, yes you are”.

42 thoughts on “F-A-T

  1. Shylah

    Maybe I’m crazy, but I think 50 pounds in 7 months is pretty damn good progress. You’re doing great – be gentle with yourself, chica.

  2. pinkme

    Now would you really want someone to say, “you are so much bigger than the last time I saw you”?
    I would bawl my eyes out!
    I do know what you are talking about, I have gained 45 lbs since moving to So Cal 4 yrs ago. It is painful to go home and see people when I look this way! I know the truth, you know the truth, they know the truth. I do prefer they lie to my face though.
    We are still wonderful and beautiful on the inside, the outside-eh, it could use some work.
    Go easier on yourself, come on over and laugh at my fat ass for a while.

  3. hed

    And 50 pounds while you are breastfeeding is freaking amazing in my book. Some people lose with breastfeeding, and others kind of hang out where they are for a while. (Namely me… but hey, it’s normal.)
    You are doing a good thing, and you certainly shouldn’t starve yourself so you can fit into some cookie cutter image or unrealistic socially filtered standard. It will come off. In good time. And just think how well it will stay off if you lose it slowly, rather than depriving yourself of the stuff you are craving while you are still a food source for your sweet little girl. Keep that in mind. You are still providing nourishment for another person.
    At least you are losing rather than gaining. That’s how I look at it. I haven’t lost a huge amount, but it’s better than gaining the same amount.
    Be patient with yourself. You are doing the right thing.
    Man, I’m preachy today…
    -H

  4. ginger

    Honey, if I saw you and you said “Hi! I’m Y and I’m fat!” I would totally say “Hi! I’m Ginger and I’m fat too!”
    By the way, it has been seven YEARS+ (almost 8!) since I had my daughter and I still am 40 pounds overweight! Girl 50 pounds is awesome! I’ve never lost that much in my whole life.
    You’re okay. I’m okay. We are hotttt mamas.

  5. MollieBee

    Damn, you mean I can’t blame that extra 30 on the baby anymore? She’s turning 3 in April…

  6. Heatheranne

    I don’t know if I would want people to tell me I’m fat. It crushed me when my mom saw my drivers license picture from when I was 30 pounds heavier and she said “This is pretty bad. You’re fat.” BUT, I also hate people who are obviously lying to be nice. I feel like I can’t trust that they’re being honest about other things too.

  7. carson

    I haven’t lost one ounce since my son was born 14 months ago. Don’t beat yourself up. Did I read you were still breastfeeding? Um, that’s pretty awesome. Don’t be using those words about someone who is so successful at the important things.

  8. jeanna

    Just wanna say you’re awesome for losing 50 lbs in that time. I have a friend who was 130 before her first baby and after that and the second, she kept gaining, and she’s now 260lbs. I feel bad for her, but not for you cuz you’re doing good :) I know how you feel, I still have pregnancy weight from 6 months ago, but I haven’t lost any of it. YOU’VE LOST 50 LBS, DAMNIT, THAT’S GOOD!

  9. Beth

    See, now that is just so unfair to all the axe-murdering prostitutes out there. 😉
    And weight lost slowly is the kind that stays off.
    And you don’t suck.
    So there. ;^)

  10. Sara

    I’m not calling you fat. I just tried starting this comment off with “you know, Fattie McFaterson, you’re not a failure unless you give up” and then I kind of threw up a little because CHEESE and then DUDE, I’m just not calling you fat. I don’t call anyone fat unless they’re mean and hateful because it’s been conditioned in my mind to be a derogatory term. You are not mean and hateful, in fact you kind of rule. RULE, I say.

  11. Sarcastic Journalist

    I think that we are just taught it is not nice to call someone fat. Maybe fat is different to another person. And though you may be “fatter” than you were, I totally think you are HOT.
    You are doing good. You are TRYING. You know how many people don’t even try?
    You rock. I’ll call you fat if you want me to, but I won’t believe it.

  12. etherian

    Any bit of weight that you lost, is GOOD. In 3 months I’ve lost 8 pounds. I haven’t gained it back, so I’m happy about that. Celebrate what you’ve done and try not to dwell on what hasn’t happened.

  13. Y

    Ok. I guess I can see how that sounds bad.
    BUT…
    Here’s the thing. I was 250 at the last weigh in BEFORE I had Gabby.
    I lost 20 right away, but that’s normal, because, well almost 9 of it was GABBY. Then all of the water loss.
    My point really was, since October, I’ve only lost 9 freaking pounds.
    I suppose my expectations were way too high, I thought by now I’d be down at least 80. So, THAT’S why I feel like a failure.
    Ugh. I just sound like a crybaby now. I know this…

  14. Autumn

    I’m going to try to be helpful because you are obviously unhappy with your weight and appearance and although I want to tell you that you are very pretty (because you are) you have stated in a way that you don’t want to hear that?
    I dunno. So, here goes:
    How much do you excercise? You don’t seem to post about that.
    You must move. Move, move, move. Purposefully. Housework and the activity associated with childcare is good for weight maintenance, not weight loss.
    I know this from experience.
    I have lost a lot of weight just by walking. No aerobic tapes, no gym, just walking on my lunch hour. I’m down 3 sizes, and my son was born May 2004 so walking is a slow way to weight loss but it works. And it’s easy.
    Find a way to fit it into your routine.
    Also, find out if you are being enabled at home. Your husband and your sons love you and think you are pretty in any package that you come in. They do. Maybe they don’t understand that mom needs to have the time to exercise or that mom really needs to not have PopTarts in the house.
    Sincerely. Support in the house will help you a lot. If you have a food weakness and it’s another food that people in your home enjoy too…well, too bad for them. They’ll have to do without it for a while.
    And you’re cute. I hope you get to where you think that’s true.
    Autumn

  15. Sarah

    I never lost the 50 pounds I gained with my last baby. In fact, I’ve probably gained another twenty on top of that.
    My “baby” will be seven YEARS old next fall.
    Damn girl, relax. All you’re doing is working yourself up to a big ‘ol emotional calorie-fest.
    So you’re overweight- so what? You can change that- and you’re on the road to doing it.

  16. clearlydistracted

    Y,
    I think if you said that to me, I would say that you’re not fat because internally I equate looking fat with not looking good (sorry – I know that’s a problem), and when I see pictures of you, I definitely do not think that you don’t look good. I think you look good, so therefore (in my mind) you must not be fat. Anyway, if you feel fat, then know that you wear your fat well.

  17. lucky

    Hey, Yvonne
    I don’t think I’ve ever commented here before, but your site is one of the few I keep up with while I’m at work.
    Anyway, I just wanted to let you know about something my friend started up having to do with weightloss. The idea behind it really helps me out.
    Her theory is that if we see a pound or even a half a pound gain on the scale, we flip out. But if we see a half pound or pound LOSS on the scale, so what? I’ve got 30+ pounds to lose, what does 1 lb have to do with anything? Her approach is that our goal SHOULD be to lose just one. Because I can do that, and you can do that… and, you know, every time I try to explain this to someone, it doesn’t come out as good as the way she explains it.
    She just launched a site about this idea last week (it’s not a diet plan, it’s not a pay site – just a blog about HER quest to lose JUST ONE POUND) and you can find it at just one pound.
    Maybe it can motivate you the way it motivates me.

  18. girl

    goes Gabby like being in her stroller? if so, take her for walks a couple of times a day when the boys are at school. and if you’re into that jogging nonsense (I can’t even walk fast without my boobs laughing at me), look into getting one of those 3 wheeled jogging strollers for Gabby.

  19. ben

    I’ve gained 70 pounds since my oldest was born. And you know what’s sad? I didn’t have (physically) anything to do with him being here, since I am pretty much male. So personally I’m blaming it all on happy meals and late night ben and jerry’s binge sessions.
    And you know what? People see me and go “I didn’t recognize you.” And I reply “That’s because I have kids, I never go anywhere. What was your name again?”

  20. robynf

    Y, seriously, shut up about it. You’ve gained alot of weight, and it’s not on the top of your priority list to lose it right now, so it’s coming off very slowly.
    You could lose the 60lbs quickly if you had 8hrs a day to exercise and starve yourself, but you have better things to worry about. So seriously, stop worrying about it!!!!!

  21. Louise

    I’ve always hated that, too — Not that I go around saying to my friends “Oh, I’m fat” all the time, because that kind of reminds me of this skinny girl I knew in high school who was always like “I’m so fat!” just so people would be like “No! You’re beautiful!” and that annoys me. But I’ve said to my friends “So I’m trying to lose weight, probably around 100 lbs, hey I’ve already lost like, 10 in the past 3 months yay me” and they’re like “No way! You’re not overweight! What are you talking about?” and I’m like “Dude. 250. And I’ve never had kids. And I’m not seven feet tall. Yes, I need to lose weight. Accept it”.
    Now, if any of my friends ever came up to me and said “Hey, you’re fat”, I’d be pissed, because I already KNOW it, but for them to deny that I need to lose some when I’m TRYING to lose it? Feh.

  22. Rae

    Honey, 50 pounds in 7 months is the farthest thing from failure. You are a beautiful womyn, Y. I’ve said it more than once and meant it every time. Don’t ever let the fact that you are overweight get you down, because you KNOW it will all come off eventually, because you WANT it to. Slowly but surely wins the race, sweetheart. I’m living proof (and remember, I gained tonnes of weight after having my little girl as well, and I too am over 200 pounds). Little by little, you will get your figure back, but first you have to get your confidence and your self-esteem back. And hey, that’s what we’re all here for, right everyone?!!!
    *hugs*

  23. Nanc'

    I don’t think any one should comment on another’s weight whether they feel they are too heavy OR too thin. I often wonder where people were raised that they wound up having no manners. And by the way, 50 lbs in 7 months?? Damn, you’re doing great!

  24. justme

    Y, I know just how you feel. No, you don’t want people to exactly say, Hey I didn’t recognize you, you have really packed on the pounds there girl! Just not to lie after you tell them, ya I have gained a bit of wait since I saw you last. LOL. I have gained 60 pounds in the last couple of years my self. Putting me at 200 lbs. My baby is 9 yrs. So it was self inflicted. One of the commenter above is right about the walking. I used to walk at least 3-4 days if not more a week with a friend, or by myself if I had to. I hurt my back, got out of the habit, went through some stress. Bla, bla, bla. I admit I haven’t been eating as healthy as I used to, but even my boyfriend told me that I don’t eat that much to have gained as much as I have. (he wants me to get my thyroid checked) I really believe it is the walking that kept my wait down.
    Now if I could just get that motivation to get out there again. Ya well maybe if I didn’t have to climb mounds of snow banks it might help!
    Hang in there, you will lose it. They say the slower you lose it the more chance you have to keeping it off? I think I am going to go check out that one pound at a time link myself. And my plan is to try and start walking again, be careful of what I eat. But not do without. Cause we all know that we will go back to the foods we love eventually lol.
    Great things come in big packages too!

  25. AmyS

    Hi Y I am Amy and I am FAT!!
    i am at 200 lbs now also, but I just joined Curves, so we will see how it goes.
    Good Luck

  26. Shaunta

    There is a really good book called When Women Stop Hating Their Bodies. It asks over and over again, “just who decided that only thin women are pretty?” “Just who decided that only thin women can feel good about themselves.” I’ve linked this comment to Shylah’s and my blog on this topic. You are gorgeous. You’re all curvy and you look like a hot mama to me. Plus, you have all that shiny hair!

  27. Deanna

    Y, let me do some math for you.
    50 lbs in 7 months.
    We’re going to call it 6 months, because the first month shouldn’t count.
    Healthy weight loss is 1-2 lbs a week.
    6 months = 24 weeks.
    You’ve lost roughly 2 lbs each week for a total of 50 lbs of weight lost.
    That fucking rocks! That means you’ve reduced your calories each week by 7,000 calories. That’s a lot! That’s 1,000 calories burned or not eaten each day (on average). So, you are doing perfectly. Keep it up!

  28. dawn

    Fine then. Have it your way Cow. SO kidding. I hate that too, it’s like they think we’re stupid or something.
    I had 3 major surgeries back to back. I’m talking with 12 to 14 inch incisions hip to hip.
    So I was unable to take my daily walk much less exercise and I gained 45 pounds.
    I have one “friend” who would say “you have such a pretty face”. I wanted to slap her when she said that.
    Amazing how much differently you are treated when you are heavy set as compared to when you are thin isn’t it? I was shocked at that mostly. People are so damn judgemental. But that’s another post entirely.
    Don’t worry about it Y. I found the more I beat myself up about my weight the more likely I was to do nothing about it. It will come in time. Baby steps!!!
    Hugs

  29. Paula

    I just wanted to say congrats on losing 50lbs! I think that is wonderful and to hell what other people think. I have diabetes which makes it double hard to lose weight and I envy anyone who can lose 2 lbs! I think you’re doing great, and your baby girl is so adorable.

  30. raven

    Sweetie.. please do not take this wrong.
    You have GOT to stop beating yourself up. The more you think that you deserve to be self-abused, the less likely you will think that you deserve to be all the best that you can be. You deserve better, and we all have faith in you. It’s time for you to start having some faith in yourself. Youre a beautiful woman. PERIOD.
    Ignore those people who may not know how to word shit. It really doesnt matter anyway, right? Time to reverse the thinking and blow-off the hap-hazard comments start absorbing the compliments. The other way around isn’t doing you any good.
    Now how about we go and kick some ass. 😉

  31. Tammy

    Hey! I’m fat, too, then, since I weigh 200 pounds. Well, this morning the scale said 199, but then I breathed in. Down from 234. And none of it could be blamed on a baby. You are doing great. Let’s lose together, okay? I’m fat, you’re fat, but you sure look better than me. By the end of April we will both be down another 5 pounds. Go drink some water now!

  32. Jennifer

    Dude, you’re too hard on yourself… MY kid is NINE, and I still weight EXACTLY THE SAME as I did 5 weeks after having him. And now, with more back fat!

  33. MollieBee

    You don’t sound like a crybaby. Like SJ said, some don’t even try, i’m one of them. I know I could do something and I don’t. So I think you are doing great, and you have got great titties. That will take you far in life.
    😉

  34. caitlin

    My sister and I had this nanny who was always a big lady, and I still think she’s the most gorgeous woman on the planet because of how much she clearly loves and cares about us still, even though we’re both about 10 years tool old to have a nanny.
    When I think of how much she loves us, it reminds me of you, and how much you love your own family. Weight does not define you, Y. It cannot determine your worth or how people will feel about you.
    I think you are a slobberingly hot sexy babe in all of your photos, pre or post-baby. You have managed to lose some weight, whereas there are a lot of people out there who never lose anything. Keep trying, but always remember that the people who really love you will love you no matter what the scale says.

  35. Firebrand

    You know what? I just saw my doctor this week and we had a bit of a pow wow. See, I’ve lost like 65 lbs. since last February, but I really lost all of that by like last September. Since then, I’ve been yo-yo’ing up and down about 5-10 lbs. Which SUCKS! I totally wanted to be down like 100 lbs. by now!
    Here’s the deal, though. See, I’ve noticed that I definitely have to struggle with depression a LOT harder in the fall & winter months. Doc’s theory is that when the days are shorter, your body goes into a pseudo hibernation mode which makes it a lot harder to lose weight. Combine that with depression and voil&agave; – stagnation!
    So, now it is my goal to make the increasingly longer days count for something… I am bound and determined to lose this weight, damnit! You can do it, too! And if you ever need to just vent to someone about what you’re going through, girl… send me an email! Having a support system is integral! We can make this happen! :)

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