Consider yourself “told”

nasalbulb.jpg plus.jpg sitting6.jpg equals.jpgSCREAMING.jpg
If I could have one wish at this very moment, I would not wish for a million dollars. I would not wish that my stomach suddenly stop looking like this. I would not wish that I had the ability to turn myself into a fly (on the wall).
I would wish that my daughter could BLOW HER OWN NOSE.
I can think of 4089984 things I’d rather do than have to stick that evil, yet necessary, contraption up her nose one more time.
Things like “get stung by a hundred bees in the eye” or “give birth to 4 babies at once” or “watch The View” or “do my laundry” or “listen to ANOTHER SONG by 50 cent”
It sucks THAT much. It is THAT horrible.
They don’t tell you about these things when you are pregnant.
Well, THEY SHOULD. (Whoever “they” are)
But since “they” don’t? I’ll tell you.
“Having to use the nasal bulb sucks and it makes your baby cry and it makes YOU cry because your baby is crying and kicking and screaming and you feel like the worst mother in the world for subjecting your totally helpless child to such torture, but you have NO CHOICE because if you don’t do it, your child can NOT BREATHE.”
[/nose bulb hatin’ tantrum]

26 thoughts on “Consider yourself “told”

  1. Kate

    Ok – maybe I am a sadistic freak but I used those things all the time on both of my girls. I just could not stand the sight of a snotty nosed baby – ack! I figured it was better I got it out ASAP before the girls spazed out from not being able to breathe or eat due to stopped up noses.

  2. Xdm

    I can’t believe you are hatin’ on the booger baster! Do what I do…wait until it gets a little dried and crusty and then carve it out with your pinky nail. And then, once you’ve picked it out say, “It’s not even a booger! It’s dried peas!!!”

  3. Tanya

    Have you read Angela’s Ashes? I can’t go into it without turning green, but there are worse ways of getting it out than the nasal bulb. *shudder*

  4. Y

    Maybe I’m hatin’ because I’ve been doing The Suction since 2am this morning.
    And I’m tired.
    And I hate hearing her scream and cry.
    And I hate that sometimes my hand slips and I accidently shove it up her nose hard and it hurts her.
    And I just wish SHE COULD BLOW HER NOSE.

  5. carson

    Around here, we call that the blue bulb of torture. BBOT for short. I totally agree, it’s a rough job. That’s why I make the daddy do it.

  6. kristal

    I had that same tantrum about six months ago. In a fit of rage, I threw it under my bed and swore I would never use it again. A few weeks later, Echo was crying and couldn’t breathe and I was crying because I couldn’t find the stupid thing.
    Nose suckers…
    Can’t live with ’em, can’t live without ’em!

  7. Zette

    While I totally agree with you on the dreaded nose sucker, I’d rather use it any time over one of those rectal thermometers. Eeeek! Hope she is feeling better and that you both got some rest today.

  8. Tanya

    I’m sorry, Y! I didn’t mean to be unsympathetic. It was just the first thing I thought of. I hope she feels better soon, so you don’t have to do it anymore.

  9. Y

    NO! You don’t have to be sorry! I didn’t take it as you being unsympathetic!

  10. Chasmyn

    I have always hated that damn thing for the exact same reason. We used saline to loosen it up first, too, and that burns. Ugh. Just thinking about it makes me sad.

  11. Stacey

    Y, do you have Melly’s email address?
    I think someone stole one of her pregnancy photos (along with dooces and god knows who else)
    Tell her to email me please!

  12. Shaunta

    The third picture is EXACTLY what Ruby looked like the other day when she had to have an immunization shot. And she’s too young for the “it’s better than getting the measles” speech. You are so right, no one ever tells us before we get pregnant the torture we have to put our babies through “for their own good.” I have three kids, and I swear at everyone of the zillions of shots I’ve attended, I have held my baby and then did this half bawl/half hysterical laughter thing.
    You’re baby is so gorgeous, even when she is crying.

  13. Sarcastic Journalist

    i have a secret love for the bulb. i also like sticking my fingers up her nose.
    i’m getting that face a lot too, but i cant even figure out WHY she is crying.
    wait. it is because she hates me and is going to disown me. of course.

  14. buffi

    We call it the snot sucker. When my DD (now 8) was little, I would do this little chant, “Get the snot, get the snot, get the snot snot snot…” while I suctioned out her nose. The child would BRING IT TO ME when her nose got too stuffy. Now she is the child who asks to take saline to school when she has a cold.
    I haven’t been so lucky w/ my boys, so don’t be hatin’ me. They give me hell if I even look at the snot sucker!

  15. girl

    I’m really sorry, Y, but I just laughed so hard that I almost cried over the “stomach” picture. you and me both.

  16. Lindy

    OMG. I hated the snot sucker but it sure did the job. I just spit coffee all over my keyboard & screen. You caught me offguard with the belly shot.
    Hope Gabby feels better.

  17. Tammy

    Please, please don’t hate me….Boy Terror loves to have the nose sucker used on him. I think he’s the weirdest kid alive, but he quiets right down, and is all still while I do it. Again, please don’t hate me just because my child is a freak of nature.

  18. ben

    We have pinkeye.
    We get to do eye drops.
    Four times a day.
    For a week.
    And the doctor said “You’ll have to hogtie her.”
    And the pharmacist said “These don’t sting. As much. As others.”
    And the baby said “Watch just how tight these eyes can close.”
    And there was much sadness. But only four times a day.
    Hope your baby is better soon.

  19. Prissy

    I was 12 when my twin sisters were born. Just right for babysitting and old enough to master “The Booger Machine”! They hated it and as they both had allergies, there were plenty of boogers around. Gross! I was 12 for God’s sake! I am 36 now and still remember how awful “The Booger Machine” was for them. Isn’t there a more humane (i.e. “less gross”) way to get them out?

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