I wrote this post on December 1, 2003.
I was scared when I wrote it because those were all signs that I was pregnant, and I wasn’t trying to “be” pregnant. BUT, as it turned out, I was pregnant. (Stupid ass “rhythm method”)
Now, let me take that list and revise it for today
My boobs hurt.
I gag everytime I brush my teeth.
Oh… and I’m late.
And scared. Very scared.
Now, every single one of the things on that list can be explained away.
Boobs hurt? Of course they do! They’re being sucked on, bit on, scratched, straight up abused on a daily basis.
Tired? Well, who wouldn’t be? I’m the mother of THREE children. THREE OF THEM. Two of them are in sports, one of them happens to be an INFANT. DUH!
Naseous? When you don’t get to eat your first meal until the baby decides to take a nap (which lately, has been, almost never) it’s understandable if you start feeling naseuated, right? TELL ME I’M RIGHT!
Late? Not a big deal, because I’m breastfeeding and when one is breastfeeding, one’s cycle is affected and it’s normal to skip periods. I think. So I heard. I SWEAR I READ THAT SOMEWHERE.
Did I say I could explain away every one of those symptoms?
I lied. Because there is one that can NOT be explained away because the ONLY time it has ever happened to be is when I was The “P” word.
I GAG EVERYTIME I BRUSH MY TEETH.
But maybe that has something to do with tittymilk, right?
Please tell me that has something to do with the fact I produce tittymilk. Or maybe it’s because I rarely have time to brush my teeth these days, so when I do, the back of my throat is like “WHA?”
That could totally be it.
I find it hard to believe, with all of the “wardin’ off of the cock” that’s been going on since Gabby was born, I could actually be “The P Word”. Seriously. This just has to be a case of my mind and body messing with me. And I do mean HAS TO BE, because, if it’s not, “Someone” is going to be B-U-S-T-E-D. (And when I say busted, I mean BANNED FROM MY VAGINA FOR THE REST OF HIS LIFE)