I WON!

I have a very sick relationship with food. EXTREMELY SICK. I’ve used food like a best friend, and in the process, I’ve made it my worst enemy.
Today Ben and Jerry’s had been taunting me. Had I listened to Dr.Phil, that junk wouldn’t even be in my freezer, but it was. I’ve been fighting with it all damn day. I tried will power, I tried sniffing it, hoping just the smell would be enough to satisfy the craving, I tried everything I could possibly think of to make me stop wanting it. I even did what Dr.Phil told me to do and went and took a damn shower, because Dr.Phil said after my shower, I’d forget about the ice cream and lose the craving.
Dr.Phil lied. I got out of the shower and went straight to the freezer. I got a spoon, I started eating. BUT THEN I GOT PISSED AT THE DAMN ICECREAM.
“WHY AM I LETTING YOU, OH SMALL CARTON OF FAT AND LUMPS, CONTROL ME?”
Then, I did the unthinkable. And I took photographic evidence of me doing the unthinkable.

Now you see it…

NOW YOU FREAKING DON’T.
That’s right, I washed that junk down the drain and ate a carrot instead.
I’M THE KING OF THE WORLD!!!

34 thoughts on “I WON!

  1. ben

    Holy crap, Y!
    You need a disclaimer or something. That just ain’t right. Now I’m gonna have to eat TWO pints tonite, just to compensate.
    (of course, I’m keeeding. Way to go, I wish I had 1/10 of that kind of willpower. You’re talking BJ here!!!!)

  2. dawn

    Not sure I could have done that with “Coffee heath bar crunch” ummmm! I probably would have just drawn a nice “L” in the middle of heath H E A L T H and then that wold have made it all better. I mean it would have been a health food that way right?
    Good job.

  3. Keli

    Holy crap. You’re my inspiration. I wonder if all the potato chips in my house will wash down the drain… I’m gonna have to try….

  4. Jennifer

    I can’t BELIEVE you did that… But in my world, the B&J’s would’ve never been in the fridge because it seldom makes it out of the grocery bag intact.
    You’re the king of the world! … Just like my hair!

  5. edie

    I have a non platonic relationship with food myself. I have my whole life. Recently I threw away the rest of an enchilada dinner so I wouldn’t gorge myself after I was full and then I stood over the garbage can thinking how good it smelled and that the food was still in it’s styrofoam container, therefore uncontaminated and that technically I could take it back out so I dumped the actual food in the can and smashed it with a milk carton. Sick! LOL :p
    I’ve been reading about your battle with weight loss and I wanted to tell you #1. not to give up and #2. that you can do it! Seriously, I’ve used food my whole life as my best friend and psychiatrist. I thought I’d be overweight forever and usually (there were times when i was disgusted with myself but i quickly pushed it away and ate something) didn’t even care because everyone in my life has always accepted me fat… but 8 months ago I woke up in the middle of the night thinking I was having a heart attack and decided to change things. It hasn’t been easy but I’ve stuck with it and not only have I lost 105 pounds but I also quit smoking. Trust me, if a hardcore Cheetos and chocolate milk girl can do it I KNOW you can Y! You are a strong and beautiful lady and even though I don’t know you in “real life” I admire you a great deal.
    I’m so proud of you for killing the ice cream!

  6. Hed

    You know what else really works? Raid! Get a can of that shit, and the next time there’s a pan of brownies or cookies or something mocking you, throw ’em in the trash, and spray the shit out of them with Raid!
    Guaranteed to work!
    -H

  7. dana michelle

    Hed, that has to be one of the funniest things I have ever heard. Raid as an “appetite suppressant” Hee!!
    Congrats to you for your spontaneous act of defiance, Y!! Promise me that you didn’t fish the leftover Heath chunks out of the sink strainer and eat them.
    Yeah. I know that was really sick, but I couldn’t resist. ;-p

  8. Salena

    LOL! That’s awesome! I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had to make myself do things like that! I’ve made cakes before only to take one bit and send the rest down the garbage disposal! Somtimes that’s hard to do, but DAMN, what a feeling of accomplishment when you do! :-)

  9. langus

    Oh man, now I feel a little guilty but I so totally am eating mine tonight. I mean, I have promised to never buy another carton, but I don’t want to hurt the feelings of the carton I already have, you know?
    Good Job.

  10. Rachael & Eva

    My eyes bugged out of my head and my jaw about hit the floor.
    Sweet Jeebus. I bow before you.
    You are the Queen.

  11. Rachael & Eva

    My eyes bugged out of my head and my jaw about hit the floor.
    Sweet Jeebus. I bow before you.
    You are the Queen.

  12. Rachael & Eva

    My eyes bugged out of my head and my jaw about hit the floor.
    Sweet Jeebus. I bow before you.
    You are the Queen.

  13. Rachael & Eva

    My eyes bugged out of my head and my jaw about hit the floor.
    Sweet Jeebus. I bow before you.
    You are the Queen.

  14. kim

    WAY TO GO! i did the same thing with the chips that were in my house (because a friend brought them). well, not exactly the same thing, but i threw them in the trash (after having like a handful – but that’s only 2 points..) and i felt a lot better afterwards. YOU ROCK!!

  15. Shaunta

    I just had a baby girl, too. She’s six weeks old. I have been HUNGRY for six solid weeks! I am totally inspired by your will power. This is my first time to your blog, but I’ll be back. I love it. You are so funny!
    Shaunta (also 33, also overweight, also with three kids, one a new baby girl.)

  16. brilly

    what the heck is a “coffee heath”? Isn’t a heath a low flat ground with plants on it?? What’s that got to do with coffee or ice-cream.
    Well done Y. Don’t listen to it.

  17. Katie

    *De-Lurking*
    Wow! I can’t believe someone could actually have the will power to flush ICE CREAM down the sink! Your my hero! LOL!
    Could you teach the rest of us how to do that?
    -Katie

  18. Angel

    *GASP*..oh no you didn’t. My mouth literally fell open. You go girl, thats something I dont know if I would be strong enough to ever do. Your drowned Ben & Jerrys!! LOL
    That is some amazing strength!

  19. pink lotus

    I’m a true believer that indulging a little bit will keep you from indulging a lot. Buddha taught us this. When he was a prince and had everything, he wasn’t enlightened. When he gave everything away, he wasn’t enlightened. It wasn’t until he lived in moderation that he became the Buddha. Hey, I should start a Buddha diet and make millions! :)
    Anyway, I serve myself a half-scoop of ice cream or two cookies, or two small pieces of candy and eat that to satisfy my craving. Don’t eat directly from the carton. This is how I stay healthy without feeling deprived.
    I didn’t mean to be preachy. I’m just giving my two cents. :)

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