Today was supposed to be an exciting day. Opening day of basketball for both of my boys. First game at 12:00, second game at 2:30. We were looking forward to rushing in the rain to get from one game to the next, having some lunch in between. Sitting in the bleachers, cheering for our boys.
Instead, I’m sitting here with knots in my stomach thinking Ethan might end up in the emergency room, hooked up to an IV. He threw up a LOT yesterday and then fever set in. It was such a horrible day, trying to divide my time and attention between the three kids, knowing how badly Ethan needed me to be right there, and yet having a 5 month old who totally depends on me for everything. I took care of him the best way I could, without ever letting Gabby near him. I hand fed him chicken noodle soup while Andrew watched Gabby. I held his cup so he could sip water. I rubbed his feet, his hands, his head. I checked his temperature every hour. I gave him tylenol to keep the fever down. I held wet washcloths to his forward. I prayed with him as he cried and asked Jesus to make him feel better. I did everything I could short of taking his sickness upon myself (Which, believe me, if I could have, I would have) But I still feel as though I didn’t do enough and now, as he’s lying there so weak he can’t even sit up, as he’s shaking to hold up his water bottle, I can’t help but wonder if I should have asked my mom to take Gabby so I could have given my full attention to Ethan. OH WAIT, Gabby won’t take a bottle, I couldn’t have done that.
I’m feeling as though there’s just not enough of ME to go around, but mostly, I’m feeling very worried about my little Ethan.
I’ll let Tony take Andrew to his game (and YES, it’s going to break my heart into a thousand pieces that I won’t be there to watch him play his first game) and if Ethan doesn’t seem a little better after having been hand fed some oatmeal and after having sipped on some Pedialyte? It’s off to the hospital we go.