Almost better than The Honey Pot.

My husband never ceases to amaze me with his total lack of charm.
The man is obsessed with my ass. Always has been. And I hate to say it? But the bigger, the better. He likes his wimmins big. (And I’m pretty sure it’s because he likes that a “totally out there” ass is multifunctional> Looks good, feels good and it holds your beverages. What more could a man want in an ass?) Well, tonight the man took it to a new level, a level I had hoped he’d never take it to, because tonight, he said the following.
“Mmmm, mama, I just LOVE your buttocks. May I touch your nice, round buttocks?”
No. No you may NOT touch my buttocks. And as an added bonus? You may NEVER utter the word “buttocks” again. EVER. At least not while referring to MY buttocks because, seriously? WHO IN THE HELL USES THE TERM “BUTTOCKS” WHEN TRYING TO GET A PIECE OF BUTTOCK?
Apparently the man I am married to. The man whom I’ve been freely giving The ‘Tock to for FOURTEEN YEARS.
That’s who.

29 thoughts on “Almost better than The Honey Pot.

  1. Michelle

    Unfortunate choice of terminology notwithstanding, it seems you’ve got yourself quite a catch there. You’ve gotta love a man who loves a big-assed woman…and thank heavens I found one of that kind for myself. :)

  2. Shylah

    I don’t know what I’d do without all the laughs I can always count on here. I did the whole milk-out-nose thing twice tonight – once reading your post, and again with raven’s Forrest Gump reference. *snort*

  3. Arianne

    holy cow that’s the funniest thing i’ve read all day! you also need a preemptive “don’t dare ever say gluteus maximus either”.
    just sayin.

  4. Jenny

    i hate my ass. i really do. its huge! but my husband likes it cause he likes something to grab when we’re “doin’ the dirty”. i need to lose it…

  5. Genuine

    I’m so calling it BOOTOX now! I need to get me some TOCK!
    Ow….honey! What did you hit me for? I like big butts….
    Crap now I’ll be singing that all day!

  6. ben

    ha!
    My son (six years old) is learning to spell, and is fascinated that “Butt” means something other than “but”

  7. Persephone

    I have to say, you have the BEST blog I have read in a VERY long time! Thank you so much for the laughter and smiles! I will be back often!
    I think you have a wonderfully, beautiful family!

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