You can file this post under “No one really needs to know this, but I’m sharing it anyway”…
I need new chonies, underwear, panties, whatever you want to call them. Let me tell you WHY I need new ones.
I didn’t buy a single pair of them the entire time I was pregnant. And as I got bigger, it became a problem, because, well, not only was my stomach getting bigger, so were my thighs and my ass. So, to compensate for the leg growth, I did what any person in denial about how rapidly their ass and thighs were growing would do…
I RIPPED THE SIDES OF MY CHONIES A LITTLE. You know, so my circulation wouldn’t get cut off at the top of my thighs, eliminating the need for amputation.
So now I am wearing chonies with tears in the side, that are way to big on me.
And yes, Tony still thinks I’m sexy, but only because he hasn’t actually SEEN them. Because I roll them up into my other clothes when I put them in the hamper and I put them away really fast when I wash them. Because he would LAUGH AT ME and MAKE FUN OF ME and tell me just to go BUY SOME NEW ONES ALREADY
But I don’t want to just yet. I want to be an ass size smaller so I can feel proud and good about myself. Kinda like just the opposite of how I feel when I put on my overized, but formally were too tight so I ripped them to MAKE THEM FIT, chonies.
I can trust you not to tell anyone about this, right?