Maybe your momma should have held YOU more often so you didn’t grow up to be SO MEAN!

The next person who tells me I’m “spoiling” my THREE WEEK OLD BABY because I pick her up when she cries is getting kicked in the ribs.
People like MY MOTHER and MY BABY’S DADDY.
I absolutely hate when people tell me that. She’s a newborn, I’m not going to let her scream and cry just so as not to “spoil” her.
I believe in letting a baby “cry it out” at some point. I did it with my boys so they could learn how to put themselves to sleep. But not at this age. She’s still too little.
And what the hell is so wrong with holding my baby anyway? I love her so much, I want her to be close to me. And she loves to be held.
I despise the term “spoiled” when referring to a newborn to begin with. The poor little baby has just been expelled from the uterus, where she was all warm and snug. She was thrust into the world that is foreign to her without a choice in the matter. I don’t blame her for wanting to be close to the only place she’s ever known. That’s not spoiling her, that’s called LOVING AND TAKING CARE OF HER.
I am not going to let my THREE WEEK OLD CHILD scream and cry so that gramma and daddy don’t worry about her being “spoiled.” Oh hell no, I’m not. I’m going to hold my little girl when she cries and I’m going to kiss her on sweet, chubby cheeks and tell her I love her and I’m going to smell her hair while I’m singing to her and I’m going to flip her her daddy off while I’m doing all of those things because he thinks I should have left her in her crib and let her cry herself to sleep.
Ok, maybe I won’t do that last thing, but I WILL give him dirty looks!

36 thoughts on “Maybe your momma should have held YOU more often so you didn’t grow up to be SO MEAN!

  1. Vickie

    (getting mental picture of you cooing to the baby, stroking her hair with one hand and flippin’ off the old man with the other)

  2. susanne

    HELLO!?! Since when is it spoiling when u pick up a baby that is crying? Umm when a baby cries it wants something , right? Sssss keep on doing what ya are doing Yvonne :) *keep smiling*

  3. ginger

    You are totally right. Infants don’t do things because they are spoiled or trying to be manipulative. They cry when they need something, food, comfort, sleep, clean diapers, etc. They have no other way to communicate. You are totally right in picking her up as often as you want to.
    You love her and snuggle her because before you know it, she will start jr. high like your other baby!!!

  4. ginger

    You are totally right. Infants don’t do things because they are spoiled or trying to be manipulative. They cry when they need something, food, comfort, sleep, clean diapers, etc. They have no other way to communicate. You are totally right in picking her up as often as you want to.
    You love her and snuggle her because before you know it, she will start jr. high like your other baby!!!

  5. Mindi

    Babies aren’t babies long enough as it is. You have my permission to hold her as much as you want! Take THAT Tony! Aha! Are your boys spoiled? I think not. Do what you think is best sweetie, that’s why men aren’t mothers. As for your mother, maybe she should have held you a little more… And that’s all I’m going to say about that.

  6. Lisa

    You’ve got the right idea. Keep up the good work! Babies who are held grow up to know they’re loved and their needs are met.

  7. Lessa

    not to mention that human development and psyche studies have shown that a baby is incapable of being ‘spoiled’ before they are 6 months old, because it takes more cognitive reasoning then that have before that to realize if they cry, they get what they want, type of thing. Spoiling means there’s a bit of manipulation on the babies part (if I cry, mommy comes! *Crys*) and at three weeks old there is not enough cognitive thinking to connect the two. She’s crying because she needs something.
    So you go right on cuddling your baby anytime you want too and keeping her happy! You’re doing the right thing.

  8. Angel

    I have a son who is 9 weeks old today and my husband’s mother holds the same opinion as yours that it’s “spoiling” them. So I told her she’s not allowed to watch him yet because I’m afraid she’ll just leave him in his bassinett crying and the thought of that makes me sick to my stomach. Yes, at 9 weeks he is a bit more sturdy than he was at 2 weeks, (he was 9.5 lbs at birth), but he’s still a wee baby that cries for a reason and needs to be comforted. Anyone who disagrees with that should not be left alone with an infant. Fortunately my husband agrees with me so we only fight over who gets to pick up our son when he fusses :)
    PS – the photos of your daughter are gorgeous, congratulations!!

  9. Trisha

    I totally agree with you. I like to let the kids “cry it out too”, but at this age in life, it’s just a wee bit too soon. Least for me.

  10. MrsG

    Mothers always know best. Daddy is jealous baby doesn’t want him and the attention you gave him is now directed to Gabby. Been there…going through it too!

  11. Cyn

    Even the experts, who ever they are, agree that you shouldn’t let them just cry. I read it in Parents magazine. They said it reassures them that they are not alone. I wouldn’t want my child growing up thinking I wasn’t there for them.

  12. myllissa

    It is impossible to spoil a child that young. They can’t even begin to fathum how to manipulate you or be spoiled. They cry because they have needs. I think I read somewhere that they only begin to understand that when they hit 6 mo or something. Even then, that’s your flesh and blood. Give it some time before you even consider letting her cry it out. Hold her precious little toushy until your arms fall asleep!!!

  13. Susan

    I agree with you Yvonne. There is *no way* you can spoil a child that young.
    “Caring for a crying baby can be one of the most challenging aspects of being a new parent, especially if friends or relatives tell you that picking up your baby every time he/she cries will spoil the baby.
    Mothers throughout history have always known, and research now shows, that babies are happiest, healthiest, and smartest, if they are kept in close contact with their mother or another family member most of the time. Asleep or awake, happy or sad, babies like to feel and smell your warm embrace. Research shows babies grow faster and learn about their world more readily when up on mother’s level. There’s more for the baby to see when he is with you while you go about your daily business than when lying flat in a crib or carriage. Babies cry much less and expend less energy that way. Many newborns sleep more deeply when held against your body. This type of approach is very respectful of your baby’s feelings, and is sometimes called “attachment parenting.”
    Here’s a “what if?” question that sometimes helps mothers trust their hearts and stop worrying about spoiling their babies. Imagine you were scared or sad enough to start crying. What if another adult you loved knew you were crying, but refused to hug you, reminding you that you’d had a hug just an hour ago? You would probably stop crying eventually on your own, but wouldn’t you feel better if that other adult had comforted you when you needed it?”

  14. vanessa

    i believe, also, in picking up the baby when they are crying…to a point. my mom would pick up my daughter everytime she made a wimper…especially after i had just punished her for something she knew better than to do! we would argue for hours about why she couldn’t coddle her like that after I, her mother, punished her! she couldn’t understand!
    but, you go ahead and pick your sweet angel up, because she is too adorable to be left in her crip and too beautiful to have a single tear drop from her eye!!

  15. MHC

    I just saw your blog down below in regards to you posting before pictures. I think it’s great that you are brave enough to hold yourself accountable. It makes whatever your goal is easier to achieve. I used to be a fitness fanatic until I started my new career, and I came upon a website that I think will be motivational for you. If you’ve never seen it, check this website out: and look at HIS before/after pics.

  16. brilly

    I agree with everyone else that you can’t spoil a baby. All you can do is show them that when they need you, you will be there.
    I think that by the time you’ve had your third child you really understand how fast they grow up. So make the most of this time with Gabby.
    One thing that really annoys me is the people who ask if you have a “good” baby. Is there such a thing as a “bad” baby. I don’t think so. There are babies who sleep well and babies that don’t.
    Keep well

  17. Terri

    My husband thought I picked up my daughter too much too (this started when she was three DAYS old). Men are such idiots.
    I started to question that maybe I was spoiling her. Then my mom informed me that my daughter would cry plenty when she’s a teenager. No need for all of the crying now.

  18. the sarcastic journalist

    AMEN! people keep saying that to me and I say “hello, she is a NEWBORN! SHE IS SCARED AND HAS NEEDS!”
    Like this baby is capable of being deviant yet. All you are doing is showing her that she is loved and cared for and making her feel secure.
    Keep doing it. You’re the mom and mamma knows best. Too bad we don’t live closer b/c then our girls could play together while we have a margarita (a LIGHT margarita) playdate.

  19. Christina

    There was a psychologist named Erik Erikson who came up with this theory that states that people need to accomplish different “tasks” at different stages in their life.
    The first “task” is called “trust vs. mistrust” — what infants do during the first year of their life is to develop a secure attachment with the parents (usually and more specifically, the mother). So, what that means is… if the baby starts crying and someone attends to the baby consistently, the infant is going to learn trust.
    That’s the most basic explanation – and I’m not pulling it out of my ass. I spent a two semesters going over Erikson’s tasks. There’s a really basic primer here.

  20. Jennifer

    Oh *thbt*. How can showing your child affection “spoil” them? … I carried mine ALL THE TIME, and I can’t think of a more secure and totally not spoiled child.
    But I have to admit, it gets a little difficult carrying an 8 year old around.

  21. Amy

    It’s simple: Food spoils, babies don’t. God made them cute and irresistable for a reason. Give in and hold that cutie as much as you want.

  22. Kristy

    I understand if you have a newborn or several weeks young that you shouldn’t let them just cry, pick them up and show them affection but on the other hand, I live with a baby who is almost a year old and he crys all the time and the minute he starts up, my boyfriends mom picks him up and right away comforts him but when she puts him down he starts crying again. Now that to me would make me believe that she starting to spoil this baby and it gets kind of annoying when were out somewhere or trying to enjoy a thanksgiving meal and the only time your going to get slience is if someones holding the baby. I believe that there are times you should show comfort to your baby and show them how much you love them but on the other hand I believe your going to far by picking them up everytime they don’t want to be put down. I draw the line there.

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