EFF MY CERVIX!

Wanna hear something really hilarious? I mean.. freaking hilarious????

THEY SENT MY OVERDUE, PREGNANT ASS HOME.
Even though my contractions are only 4-6 minutes apart. Even though they are lasting 45-90 seconds. Even though this is my 3rd baby.

Know why?

Because I’m only dialted to ONE AND A HALF.
Like I said in the elevator…

EFF MY CERVIX!

And then on the way home.

EFF IT SOME MORE!
Excuse me… *heeeee heeeeeee heeeeeeeeeeeeeee* OUCH. OUUUUUUUUUUUUUCH.
I was pissed off the entire ride home. Tony was all  “Why are you pissed?” And I just made a fist, shook it  and said “HOW DARE YOU ASK ME WHY!”

And then we laughed. and laughed. Because THIS IS HILARIOUS, PEOPLE. Hi-lar-i-ous! 

I’m in so much pain. It hurts SO BAD and the doctor was all “go home and rest!”
Yeah, okay, sure!
Then the nurse was all “you’re scheduled for an induction on the 4th, we’ll probably see you then!”
I asked Tony if I could kick her in the mouth.
The fourth? No, this baby is coming today whether my cervix thinks so or not. I’m not going to be in this kind of pain until the fourth! I really can’t believe this. Oh well, what can I do?
oucchhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.. ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
I think I’m going to take a bath now and TRY to sleep in between these contractions.
(I love you guys for thinking of us!)

34 thoughts on “EFF MY CERVIX!

  1. Jovi

    Hang in there, and try Walking! it hurts like happy hell when you walk but it helps ‘move things along’ , or so my doctors said.
    Good Luck!!!

    Reply
  2. GC

    Oh, that sucks! I can’t believe the nurse would think you’d last until the 4th. I hope your cervix starts cooperating soon.

    Reply
  3. ben

    You are one fucking hard-core blogger to be able to write these entries in such a state.
    If it were me, there would be one entry about, say, a month ago that says “It hurts, I’m cranky, this baby had better come soon.”
    And the next entry would be something along the lines of “baby took three steps today, look out world” and of course it would be a year later.
    Wow, my hat’s off to you to be able to blog just about every contraction.
    (and are you filming this shit, too? I wanna see this put to music, or perhaps animated like the Angry Alien stuff. “Yvonne has her baby, in thirty seconds, and re-enacted by bunnies
    You are so cool. I wish I were tough like that.

    Reply
  4. shaunacat

    OMG, I thought for sure today was the day for you. Geez.
    I’m betting she’ll be here before the 4th as well. I’m sending you good vibes, best I can do!! Keep us posted!

    Reply
  5. Lisa

    Oh, man, Yvonne, that totally sucks that they sent you home when you’re having contractions so close, but you shouldn’t have to wait much longer. I’m SURE you won’t still be pregnant on the 4th; that was just RUDE of that nurse to suggest it. Bah. Your contractions are doing their job and Gabby will be here soon. DO walk, or at least sit on a firm chair and rock like you would if you just had really bad cramps; it really helps. How far are you from the hospital, and is the road bumpy?
    On a side note, I really hate when they send women all the way back home and make them feel stupid. That only makes them put off coming to the hospital even longer next time and I sure would hate to see Baby Gabby born in the car. >:P

    Reply
  6. Vickie

    I’m dying to know how many hits a day you’re getting. I account for probably 67,000 of them just checking back since this morning alone!!
    Continued good luck…

    Reply
  7. kim

    this is ridiculous. now i have to go home ’cause it’s almost 6 p.m. here and i won’t be able to check on you until tomorrow morning.. this sucks. and if it sucks for me with my so-not-pregnant-ass over here how horribly must it suck for you? and yes – you may totally kick that nurse anywhere you want cause you deserve for that girl to come NOW (just make sure they have a spare one to help with the delivery..)
    more hugs and love from me!!! still thinkin’ of ya!!

    Reply
  8. shy me

    oh my gosh!!! I’m so excited. I’m going to be going up to strangers all day saying Yvonne is having her baby! Lots of love and prayers your way.

    Reply
  9. nine

    oh no! i just checked back in to see what was happening and you are back at home now?? shame on that nurse. i’d have kicked her in the mouth myself! no one would have been able to stop me!!
    i hope things start moving along soon. i’ll be thinking about you guys and checking in often. ::screams at Yvonnes cervix:: “do your thing cervix!! OPEN UP!

    Reply
  10. Susan

    Dang. I came looking for photos! I can’t believe they sent you home! Hang in there sweetie and just imagine the story you will have to guilt her with someday!

    Reply
  11. Chelle

    They sent you home?
    They sent you home.
    I really cannot believe they sent you home.
    Wow.
    I am so sorry. I think I may be looking at a different hospital if I were you, if that’s a possibility.
    And that nurse is just EVIL.

    Reply
  12. maudy

    seen ur boys there, they have ur hubby’s lines on their face. easy, this time is ur turn to share the beauty to the lil princess :) good luck and hope today’s the day, cant wait to see the girl already!!!

    Reply
  13. Hilary

    I CAN NOT believe they SENT YOU HOME. I would have probably slapped that nurse!! Good Luck. Many vibes that she will be here SOON!

    Reply
  14. susanne

    She will be here tomorrow! No way that a woman waiting her third child and is open 1 and a half will wait till the 4th… *crossing fingers* U know, fancy ppl always come late ;P

    Reply
  15. tammy

    What do they know? You can go from a one to a ten in an hour or less. Why in the world didn’t they just take you and see what happens. They could start the pitocin then later today. That’s what my doctor does when women are overdue. If you’re having contractions and four days past due date they were stupid to send you back! You poor woman!

    Reply
  16. Mona

    Erm sorry to hear you were sent home. I experienced the same, I was sent home and had the baby the next day! What everyone told me was to walk around to dilate the cervix. Yeah it’s a pain to be in such a position where yr feets swollen and forced to walk. I know I was forced to walk by the nurses for 30 mins and I was dilated over 5 cms after 30 mins. Good Luck again and I hope you have Gabby in yr arms soon.

    Reply
  17. Vickie

    I agree with Tammy…sounds like a bunch of morons to me too. I was five days late and as soon as the water broke and the first contraction hit they admitted me, even though I was in labor for 30 HOURS (first one). Idiots.

    Reply
  18. Tyme

    Oooh…I’m sorry they sent you home. That happened to me with my daughter. I started labor on Thurs. stayed in the hospital in “labor” until Sun. Went back early Monday and she was not born until Tues. morning. I was in so my pain I was delirious. When she finally decided to come she came real quick. Her way of saying she was going to do things her way I suppose! :)
    All the exhaustion and crappy feelings went away when I saw my daughter for the first time. I honestly never felt better than the day I delievered her. I was walking, laughing, dancing in the hospital with my baby girl.
    I hope Gabby comes soon – a healthy baby girl! Good luck – I’ll be thinkin’ about ya!

    Reply
  19. Ginny

    I know the baby is born and all, but all your other posts have a million replies–so congrats on the beautiful girl, she is awesome!

    Reply

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