I made my husband cry last night.
He never cries. Ever. So I knew I really fucked up when I said what I did.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas, again. I thought about it and I said “I want to be beautiful again. Oh, and I don’t want to be pregnant.”
As soon as I said it I took it back. “I didn’t mean that Tony, I don’t want anything bad to happen to our baby!”
He just put his head in his hands and started to cry.
I didn’t know how to react, or what to do. I begged him not to cry and he said “How could you say that? That’s my little baby that I love inside of you.”
Talk about feeling like shit.
I reassured him I didn’t mean it. I just meant that life was good the way it was, and I’m still getting used to the idea of starting all over again with a new baby. It was a slip, but one I can’t take back.
We talked for a while about it and eventually he understood why I said it, but I still feel awful today. I actually prayed this morning and asked God to keep my baby safe, to let everything go well because if anything happens to this baby now, I don’t think I could live with myself.
Perhaps a sun dried tomatoe bagel will make everything better?

10 thoughts on “Oopsie.

  1. Michelle

    I know exactly where you are coming from and I can tell you that feeling will begin to disappear when you first start feeling the kicks and movement of your baby and will completely disappear the instant that you get to hold your kiddo for the first time.
    Hang in there, hon..

  2. keith

    Clue to Dania – Yup. Not only that, but her blog was down, and she gave us the news via The Go Fish. And she switched ISP/hosts. And the DNS change took for-fucking-ever. But she’s here, she’s healthy, and other than that, you didn’t miss too much (NOT!)

  3. yvonne

    AHHHHH screw YOU theresa!!!
    hahhahahah I didn’t even realise I did that.
    Thanks for pointing it out and making me look stupid!!

  4. Sarcastic Journalist

    I get that “I wish I weren’t pregnant feeling” and I say it, too. Its hard for a man to understand perpetual constipation, moodiness, crampiness and walking around with watermelons where your breasts used to be.

  5. shortt

    it’s all good, it was only a moment, and he’ll realized the elation you have eventually, and sooo too were you, we’ve all said things at some point or another in a pregnancy,
    when my second was born, she was blue, from lack of oxygen, no lie, she was ugly, and I said I didn’t want her, I’ve cried about it several times since, just knowing how weak she was, and how ready I was to hang her out to dry. And every time she tells me she loves me, I can’t tell her back enough how much I love her.
    It’s all good girl. you’ll see.

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