mashed potato

Dear dead potato who lies dead on my bathroom floor.
I wonder if you know how I am freaking out wondering how you got into my bathroom.
Do you know that every time I walk by the bathroom, I get chills and dry heaves just thinking about how I’m going to pick you up and throw you away?
I wonder if you know how terrified I am that you exist. Even if you are dead because I took a giant wicker container full of magazines and threw it on top of you, you still haunt me.
Do you know that I will have nightmares now, and not be able to sleep because I have no idea how the hell you got into my bathroom?
Do you even realize the mental anguish you have caused this psychotic pregnant woman?
Oh, dead potato bug why did you have to come into my bathroom and into my life?
Oh, dead potato bug how I hate thee and thine timing. My husband is out of town and I don’t care if you’re DEAD. I am not picking you up and throwing you away. I can’t do it!!!
Fuck you, dead potato bug.

20 thoughts on “mashed potato

  1. Joelle

    That is the grossest fucking thing alive. Well, now it’s dead, but they are SO vile. I had one that was 4 inches long in my old apartment in Carlsbad.

  2. Chuck

    Just wanted to say Merry Christmas and Happy New Year and shit, and I got to get all crushed and dead. Well, do you realize that I have about 10,000 mouths to feed (well, I did anyway before I met you)? How about their holiday season now? Thanks alot lady.
    Potato Bug Ghost

  3. Babz

    Holy shit…that is the most repulsive thing I have ever seen. And I don’t particularly mind bugs, either.
    I’m with Anne. Vacuum that sucker’s nasty, smashed ass.

  4. raven

    Oh my freaking God… do NOT try to vacuum that thing up! It will get mangled and stuck, and you will have to fish it out of your clogged vacuum.

  5. Lili

    Oh my Gawd! That’s a Potato Bug??? I found one in my kitchen once and freaked out as if the world was coming to an end, espeically when it disappeared behind the frige. I was so disgusted I couldn’t even give an accurate description to the bug police – AKA anyone who I could get to listen and then coax into killing it.
    You were very brave to kill it and deserve a medal…umm about the corpse? I’d say wait for the boys to do it, but if they are anything like my son they will freak out just as bad… he’s such a pussy sometimes…

  6. Babz

    And you know…”potato bug” is actually kind of a cute name. Especially for such a nasty little sonofabitch. What’s up with THAT?

  7. etherian

    All bugs deserve to be smushed, I don’t care what the hubby says. And thanks for the shivers – GAH! btw – glad to see you back and congratulations of the baby. You’ll be the bestest mom ever!

  8. muffet

    omg. That is so scary looking. I have never seen one before, Do they only have those in Cali? Jezus that is scary looking…
    Hey, Congrats on the pregnancy. I hope you have a girl. And I am laughing my ass of at the fact that they are so far apart. Your in for a rude awakening! Mine are almost six years. You don’t realize how easy you have it until another on comes along!!!

  9. bdw

    has anyone ever watched fear factor, well next week they have to eat some of these nasty patato bugs as one of the stunts, I’m thinking theres not enough money to get me to pick one up let alone it several.

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