Embarrassing Bathroom Stories are Fun to Read!

I was reading Joelles post about pooping in public restrooms and it reminded me of one of my most embarrassing moments in life.

When Tony and I first got married, he wanted to go to Tijuana to visit his grandparents. I wasn’t too thrilled with the idea. When I was a young girl, I had to go there with my parents are part of their church ministry and I know what the “bathroom situation” is like in most places. The idea of staying somewhere for more than a day where I might possibly have to take a dump in a box with a hole cut out didn’t appeal to me at all. (I have bathroom issues.) He swore to me that his grandparents lived in a modern house, with running water and an actual toilet. I fought the idea of going, but I realized I was acting like a spoiled rotten brat and agreed to go. However, I wasn’t thrilled about it.

We arrived and I was thrilled to see that yes, they had a toilet! However, the toilet was in the middle of the living room. There were four pieces of wood surrounding the toilet that went about halfway up to the ceiling. So, while you technically had “privacy”, there was really no barriers to keep the sounds/smells confined to the bathroom area. I was slightly mortified, but hey! it was a real toilet that I could flush! And besides, it was just us and his grandparents at the house. I could totally deal with that.

A few hours after we arrived, Tony’s grandmother began making chocolate milkshakes for us to drink. I didn’t want to hurt her feelings by saying “no thank you.” So, I had a milkshake. But then, she made another one and then, another one and you guys! I kept drinking them so as not to offend her. Later that night, my stomach started to hurt really bad. Uh, oh. I thought to myself. I know what’s about to happen and it’s not going to be pretty.

I was laying in bed with severe stomach cramps when I heard people start coming through the front door. The started to file in, one, two, three at a time. Before you know it, the entire living room was filled with people. And these people were ALL MEN.

“What the hell is happening here?” I asked my husband. He went to talk to his grandma to find out.

Apparently, his grandfather was very active in Mexican politics and that night he was hosting A TOWN MEETING! In his living room! The same living room that had the only toilet in the house right in the middle of it! With only four boards around it so no one could see you, but everyone could hear and smell you!

Oh hell no. This was not happening. Except, it was happening! OH MY GOD IT WAS HAPPENING.

I tried to fight it, but I couldn’t. I ran to the living room. After making my way past two thousand Mexican men, I made it to the “bathroom.”

OH LORD JESUS, HELP THESE PEOPLE FOR WHAT THEY ARE ABOUT TO HEAR… and smell

And then. It happened.

Sitting on a toilet, shitting out dozens of milkshakes in the middle of a mofo TOWN MEETING. It was loud in the room, so that helped to calm my anxiety about what was happening just a little bit. Until THE ROOM GOT QUIET. I sat there, crying, asking Jesus to JUST KILL ME NOW PLEASE because I had no idea how I was going to find the strength to exit that bathroom after what I had just done.

I sat there until I figured out an exit strategy. I was going to walk out of there with my head held high, like, YEAH, I JUST DID THAT… WHAT??! But that’s not what happened. I walked out of there, saw the line of people waiting to use the same toilet I had just tore the hell up, and ran out of there– tears streaming down my face– as fast as I could.

So there you have it. My Most Embarrassing Bathroom Story.

Care to share yours?

On second thought, DON’T! I don’t want to hear it!

28 thoughts on “Embarrassing Bathroom Stories are Fun to Read!

  1. KB

    OH God! I’m crying from laughing so loud! My stomach hurts. It took me another ten minutes to finish reading the entry after reading the fourth paragraph. You poor thing.
    If Nick thinks that’s from Dumb & Dumber then I won’t share my story about what happened last night when my wife used habanero sauce instead of tabasco on the Buffalo Chicken Salad. YIKES!

  2. Joe

    That’s right out of the pages of any nightmare! Holy fucking shit Batman, that’s just funny as hell. Growning up in Nebraska there were people on farms who had no running water inside the house, or at least no toilet. Anyway, my best friend growing up had a grandmother who lived outside of town and we spent a lot of time at her house seeing there was a river running by her house and it was a great place to go swimming. She had an outhouse and didn’t buy toilet paper. What did we use to wipe our asses? The National Enquirer. I think I spread more shit over the face of Burt Reynolds than any other person in history. I’m sure it’s some kind of world record somewhere. What’s the point? At least you know what kind of people buy that piece of shit. People who don’t have money for toilet paper but have plenty when it comes to the National Enquirer.

  3. Quinn

    And here I was, worried about my posting on my site about being sick and puking all last night, that I might offend someone. I feel so much better after reading your story!
    Somehow, you can write about any disgusting topic, and yet, it makes me laugh my head off!!
    The only problem with that story was that it didn’t end with the toilet overflowing and the walls falling down to coat the entire town meeting in milkshake-induced fecality. I know you held back. Now that would have been an ending to remember! 😉
    Ah, Yvonne, yer the best!!!

  4. blah

    After most meals, I always need to shit.
    Well, I was at this new italian restaraunt in philly called Johnnies, which was in a converted house/phramacy in a residential neighborhood. The place was great. Small, but very intimate. The food was fabulous and of course, I ordered lots of it. Halfway through my entree, I had the worst case of the shits I can remember. Well, they were still in the process of doing an add on section to the place, so their bathroom was this tiny little closet with a toilet in it, right in the middle of the place. No sink or anything in it (that was outside of it in an alcove). Needless to say, you could hear EVERYTHING in it, and of course, the tables right around it were full of people. Of course, I couldn’t have quite shits. No. They were loud, runny, stanky assed shits. I spurted out a little but I couldnt go anymore than that. I came out knowing everyone heard. And I agonized the rest of the meal until we got back to my in-laws house.

  5. girl

    I think eeeeevon is a big ol’ liar and she makes all of these stories up! uh huh. she sure does! liar liar pants on fire, eeeevon!

  6. Shades of Azure

    Comment TMI…bathroom edition…

    oh yeah, here we go again…well, both Joelle & Yvonne talked about it this week, so i figured we’d bring it all down to the potty… So, you want a bathroom story, do you? well, unfortunately, i couldn’t think of…

  7. Aunt S

    I have a shit story.
    When my now 9 year old son was 2 years old, I took him to a local municipal swimming pool. He had on a swim diaper, and swim trunks. We were sitting side by side in the kiddie pool. I looked down and there was shit floating everywhere. He had the diarrhea and the swim diaper didn’t hold it. I scooped him up, grabbed our things and went running for the locker room, hoping no one would notice that my child had just made that mess. This particular pool announces when they have “a fecal accident,” and then they close the pool. Everyone will start to look around to see whose little monster ruined their afternoon at the pool. I hauled ass into the locker room to see that from the waist down, he was covered in shit. I made a quick stop at the showers, rinsed him off, throwing his swim diaper and trunks right into the trash and made it out of there before anyone figured it out.
    I’m sure someday that story will horrify his prom date. Hehehehe.

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