Need to get away?

I feel so humiliated.
I went to my friends sons first birthday party today. I wasn’t feeling well, and I almost didn’t go. But I love them so much I didn’t want to miss it, so I got my ass out of the house and went.
I could feel “it” coming on. I was uncomfortable being around a bunch of people I didn’t know, which is unusual for me, but I was extremely uncomfortable. I was hungry, but couldn’t eat. It was hot so I went inside to sit by myself and try to calm down.
It didn’t work. I started having an anxiety attack, right there. I got scared because I started going numb, I felt like I was going to pass out. I heard my friend talking and went to her. I was crying, shaking, hyperventilating and asked her to help me. She didn’t know what to do, so she just held my hand and told me it was going to be ok.
I have never had that happen in front of anyone but my husband. How fucking humiliating. I wanted to just die right there, I felt so stupid and ashamed.
She was very kind to me about it, infact, she is one of the best friends I could ever ask for, but I still can’t help being embarassed and sorry that she had to see that.
I sometimes wonder why my friends and family put up with me! If you only knew how grateful I am that they do, though.

16 thoughts on “Need to get away?

  1. Adelle

    But that is why they are called friends… because they want to be there for you! You are lucky to have people like that – don’t be embarrassed! :)

  2. rammer

    i’m with Adelle. this is just another aspect of you that your friends will come to know. when you are feeling better let them know how much you appreciate their compassion. until they understand, these things are scary for them too.
    (you might talk to your doc about it too, there are some new meds.)

  3. Annessa

    *hugs* I had an attack once, in the middle of the mall at Christmas. Chitlin was starving, but the crowd at the food court was too much for me.
    Your friend is wonderful, and there’s nothing to feel ashamed about. Good friends are always there for you, even if they don’t understand what’s going on. Like rammer said, just let her know what happened, how much she helped just by being there, and know she’ll still adore you!

  4. mollie

    AWWW YVONNE!!!! you sweet thing! i love you! dont be embarassed, you couldnt really help what happened and your friend knew that.
    I hope you feel better!
    xoxo *~mollie~*

  5. girl

    that’s nothing to be embarrassed about, hun. my mom’s had panic disorder since I was a kid. however, she was finally able to get it under control and hasn’t had an attacks in YEARS. so don’t push yourself or feel badly about it.

  6. pita

    another *hug* That’s what friends are there for, sweetie. You’d do the same if the situation was reversed. And would you think of your friend any differently? Would you want them to feel embarassed or humiliated. Hell no! You’d probably be grateful you were there for her and could help in any way. So give your friend a little credit and don’t worry so much ;) Chin up *hugs*

  7. Mad Bull

    Do you know how many people suffer from stuff like that? Don’t worry, its not really a big deal. You have nothing to be ashamed of.

  8. Erica

    Yeah, what pita said. I’m glad your friend was there for you. It’s over. You’re still alive. Your friend is still your friend. {{{hugs}}}

  9. bluegirl

    Well, that’s what friends are there for; they help you through the rough things. Sounds like she was willing to sit and try to do what she could.

  10. gojou

    Adelle said what I was going to say perfectly. Instead of feeling embarrassed, sweetie, please feel blessed that a good friend was there to look after you in your moment of need.

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