You are beautiful… that song is such a lie.

I hate what I see when I look in the mirror. I don’t even feel comfortable in my own skin. I took a picture because I plan on losing this weight, getting back in shape and I don’t ever want to forget how horrid I feel at this very moment.

i stand in front of the mirror, naked.
i cringe at what i see.
my body is worn and torn,
the marks from carrying a child ever present.
my breasts, once perfectly shaped and beautiful
are now large and saggy, repulsive to look at.
my stomach, once flat and smooth,
is now covered with stretch marks, fat, no muscle tone.
i am ashamed.
i will never be beautiful again.

17 thoughts on “You are beautiful… that song is such a lie.

  1. BillH

    Beauty truly is in the eye of the beholder. I have been telling my wife that she is beautiful for 24 years – she still doesn’t believe me when I tell her. I believe she is; she doesn’t. I see her for what she is a witty, charming, intelligent and sassy woman. From what I have read here you are much the same, Yvonne.

  2. melly

    See, this is exactly why I don’t look in the mirror unless full clothed.
    I hope to show you my ass-tummy this summer.

  3. robyn

    I have a flat stomach. My breasts are perky and at full attention. I weigh less now than I have in about 6 years. My stretch marks are barely visible.
    And I would sell every possession I own to look as beautiful as you do and have these.
    It is so not about the body. It’s about the mind, spirit and soul. Qualities you possess in abundance. I know it’s hard to focus on what you do have right now. I’ve watched my sister struggle with the same thing for years. But please don’t lose sight of the very things you do have are the very things some of us want more than anything in this world and are continually denied. You are blessed. You just have to look in other directions every now and again.
    I’m praying for you, and I love you. If you need ANYTHING, just let me know.

  4. jewdez

    i know exactly how you are feeling. i look at myself nowadays and i am like what happened…..if you need me, i am here
    i love you the way you are

  5. Mike

    I was all ready to post on this…until I saw robyn had already said everything I wanted to say.
    Yvonne, all I can say is I hope this is just another side-effect from being cut off from your meds cold-turkey. You are a FANTASTIC, beautiful young woman (please don’t argue, dear, you’ll find I’m just as stubborn).
    You have a wonderful family, from all I’ve seen. You have friends who love you (hi, I’m Mike(y), btw, I’d like very much to be considered a friend).
    You’re giving, caring and kind (one has only to look at a few posts on this site to see that).
    In short, you take as long as you need to get through this (I’ve said that before). Just know that we’re behind you 100 %….
    And we’re sooooo tempted to schmack dat bootyfull ass. 😉

  6. DogsDon'tPurr

    I just ran across some pictures of me from an earlier time. At that time I so hated myself….I refused to look in any mirror! I thought I was so ugly.
    Now I look at those pictures and I think “Wow…I actually looked good!” But I couldn’t see it then….I was too troubled.
    Save this picture of yourself, because I think that later you will realize that it is beautiful. You are a true beauty. Love yourself like we love you!!

  7. rickg

    I agree with what BillH posted. I tell my wife she’s beautiful every day, and I mean it. Are there other beautiful women in the world? Absolutely! Are there better looking guys than a mutt like me in the world? Gimme a break. Would I trade what I have now for a body like Schwarzenegger and all the cute little chicas that I would ever care to bed? Nah, ’cause that ain’t reality. I used to think I was unlucky because I didn’t have crap like that. Now I know better. Did I “settle?” Yea, I did. Have I been rewarded in a thousand different ways? Let’s just say that this silly grin on my face every day isn’t there only because I’m always reading your crazy-ass blog. Beautiful? Take that same picture again, only this time put that big, shit-eatin’ grin on your face I saw the other day. You’ll be amazed at how different the picture looks. And beautiful.

  8. gojou

    Sweetie, you’re beautiful. The ONLY thing wrong with that pic is the smile missing from your sweet face.

  9. aim

    well, I’m gonna be a shithead here and say that I completely understand what your saying, what and who you’re seeing in the mirror and how you’re feeling. I feel EXACTLY THE SAME WAY about myself…except I never had perfectly shaped and beautiful breasts. Anyway Yvonne, I had my daughter when I was 19. I was 123 pre-pregnancy, and when I delivered was 200. it is 6 years later and I have the biggest, nastiest stretchmarks you have ever seen, small tits (which I have always had and always HATED), big ol’ wide hips, and an ass with enough fat to fry my bodyweight in bacon.
    On top of this reality, I suffer from Panic attacks for which I take daily medication, my daughter has a hole in her brain which could be terminal and I have been laid off from my job today. In other words, I hear ya. It sucks. period.
    For myself, I have started making myself go to the gym at night after my girl and my husband have gone to bed. I orderred a bunch of supplements from EAS, which cost a shitload. SO I’ve been doing this for 2 months now, and have seen no results (yet), HOWEVER I do feel a bit different, a bit better, a bit more in control.
    The most difficult part in all of it, maybe you can relate, is that you only have yourself to thank for every bit of it, and you are the only one who can do anything about it. Haunting, isn’t it.
    You have to become important enough to you to do what you would do to make others happy and healthy. SHow your kids how to love and take care of themselves by example. At this point, what do they see when they observe how a wife and mother and women, for that matter, should be? Becasue you know they are watching.
    How many times have you, as a mother, wife, friend had to just grab strength from the air on a moments notice and jump in with both feet to do what had to be done where failure was not an option? Probably more times than you can count.
    If you want to save you from this hell, Yvonne….
    THEN DO IT. Right now. Make your mind up, like you do and fuck the past, fuck them, fuck all that shit, and especially fuck you…dig it? Get pissed, be a bitch, and put that other girl, you know; the one you don’t recognize when you look in the mirror, the fuck OUT. The same way you would just as quick as you please, throw some thieving intruder out your house.
    So who’s house is it?

  10. Jennifer

    Yvonne, I wish you could see the beauty in yourself that we all see. Hopefully soon, you will.
    We love ya chica! (((hugs)))

  11. CJ

    I don’t comment very often, but I think about you a lot. I’m sure there are many that way. Robyn said what I was thinking too… about selling every possession owned to look as beautiful as you do and have those gorgeous children.
    What I see in that picture of you, setting naked… is a truly remarkable woman who may not have those perky boobs or a tight belly anymore, but look at what you do have. TWO gorgeous boys! You are so lucky.
    Would you like to trade places? When I look in the mirror I see an almost bald head, no eyebrows or eyelashes and yellow colored skin. I see scars upon scars on my abdomen, chest and underarm area from surgery after surgery and bruises from IV needles being inserted. Yet when I stand naked before my husband he tells me how beautiful I am. Ironic isn’t it? I feel ugly outside, but inside I have a beautiful heart and it covers up my baldness and my scars and bruises… and I could only hope to be half as beautiful as you presently are.
    I have Gary (my husband) who loves me unconditionally and like so many have previously posted… beauty is in the eye of the beholder. The cover or surface of a book doesn’t reveal the contents no more than what you see on the outside, reveals what’s inside your heart.
    You listen, you want and you care, and then you reach down inside your heart and pull something out of YOU that’s so unique and extraordinary, and you share it with everyone around you. That’s beauty Yvonne… that’s REAL BEAUTY. Be glad… be happy and look forward to tomorrow, it’s a whole new day.
    Take care of you… :)

  12. Irk

    I’m not sure I can relate, and I’m not sure there’s anything I can say to make you feel better. But I do sincerely wish for some peace of mind for you.
    And I would totally do you. *meow*

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