I know, I shouldn’t be eating them anyway, but that’s not the issue.

After 12 years of marriage, you’d think my man would get my fast food orders correct.
Ok, so I have issues with food. I am a psycho when it comes to food. I won’t eat the food he brings home if he didn’t get it exactly like I ordered. Example… One time he went to get burritos, I said “chicken burrito, no lettuce, no onions” (why I’d have to say this in the first place I have no idea seeing that he KNOWS I DON’T LIKE LETTUCE NOR ONIONS ON MY BURRITOS but that’s besides the point, really) So he brings home the burrito. SURPRISE! It has lettuce and onions. I look at him and, no lie, he hits his forehead and says, “sorry, I forgot to tell them no onions or lettuce.” I am pissed, I’m like “what the fuck? You know I don’t like onions! I TOLD you specifically to tell them no onions or lettuce and you still forgot?, I’M NOT EATING THIS FUCKING BURRITO, I’D RATHER STARVE THEN EAT A BURRITO WITH LETTUCE AND ONIONS!” Then I took the burrito and chucked it across the room, it splattered on the wall and slid down.
I told you…psyyyyyycho.
I’ve made no secret of the fact I love curly fries WITH RANCH DRESSING. So when I asked for curly fries with ranch dressing, you’d think he’d come home with curly fries and ranch dressing, right? Wrong. Curly fries, no ranch. He “forgot.” How the hell do you forget that? So, in protest, I threw them in the trash.
I could tell you story after story of the rage I get when I don’t get just what I wanted when it comes to food. (like the time he brought home the wrong flavored frozen yogurt and I squished the foam container with my hands and yogurt oozed all over my hands down my arms, an incident my sister refers to as “squish the foam”. I guess it’s because my whole life (until now, of course) I have deprived myself of so much junk food and things that I love to stay thin that when I do decide to splurge, I want it right. And then there’s the whole “you’ve been married to me long enough to know what the fuck I want” thing. I mean, how the hell does he forget to ask for ranch dressing with my curly fries?
Ok, I feel better now. Much better.
*thinks of digging fries out of the trash*

31 thoughts on “I know, I shouldn’t be eating them anyway, but that’s not the issue.

  1. robyn

    Don’t even get the two of us started, ahem, on this issue. ;-p One time when I was with him and I ordered a chicken sandwich with no tomato — I shit you not — we opened the bag as he pulled out of the drive-thru lane, and in the wrapper they had a bottom bun, a chicken patty, a piece of cheese, a scrap of lettuce and NO TOP BUN. Granted, there wasn’t tomato. But it seems about 60% of my orders are wrong. Generally I won’t send him out. But he did get marching orders when he brought home my ham calzone Saturday night — without the ham.

  2. Nancy

    I LOVE YOU! Whoever the heck thinks lettuce belongs on a burrito is one weird person. It gets wilty….and warm and ewwww. Onions don’t belong on a burrito either, although I don’t have reasons. I just don’t like them there.
    I am so thankful my hunny knows my food orders by heart, but I curse the take out folks who constantly fuck up my order so bad that I have to go down there myself and give them the evil eye and worse.

  3. Lisa, Gal of Unix

    Brad’s the reallllly picky one in our household. And since he’s so picky, I usually know what to get him.
    Ask Statia if you want more details. One day I’ll blog about our incredibly different food likes.

  4. Dania

    omg i’m the exact same way. I totally freak out of my order isn’t right, and god forbid it’s a drive thru and i’m there. I’ll go in there and raise hell

  5. Mike

    Jesus Christ.
    Maybe I should rethink this being single stuff. Evidentally it’s not as bad as I thought it was.
    Either that or invest in a lot of notepads and shirts with pockets.

  6. dixiebelle

    You have done it again! Dug right in and found my sore spot! NO!! Not THAT spot!
    I swear everytime I send someone to get ff, they get it wrong. I have come to the conclusion they like seeing me go postal.

  7. DogsDon'tPurr

    Wow! I can understand being that demanding if you’re at the Beverly Hills Hotel or something…..but fast food? It’s sucky anyway it’s served. (And that old addage, “if you want it done right, do it yourself” applies here too)
    Sorry Yvonne, you know I love you… but I have to speak my mind here!
    What if you went out to get food for your hubby…..and when you brought it to him, he through it across the room?!

  8. pita

    12 years! that boy needs to learn ;) or next time just throw your fries on him and maybe he won’t “forget” so easily!

  9. Jeanne

    My husband screws up my orders too after 11 years of marriage.. I usually throw his food though… if I can’t eat neither can he! hehehehehe

  10. Yashar37

    Lettuce, onions… ranch dressing? I think there’s a lot of (normal) people who just don’t think about food in ‘that much’ detail, I know I don’t, and nor do most people. I just ‘go get something to eat’, I’m not that wrapped up in the details. I dunno… I couldn’t build up that much hate and anger towards my wife over some food, that’s too petty and silly., take the lettuce and onions off, give them a hug. Or go with next time…

  11. Cyberangel

    Glad you could vent, girl, but whew! I think I’m with Joelle on that one. ;)
    But then, I’ll eat just about anything except pepperoni pizza, so maybe I’m not one to talk.
    I do understand the “if I don’t like it, I just don’t like it” attitude though. Especially after 12 years. Damn!

  12. foshizzle

    that’s wasting food! there are people who would die for a fucking burrito or french fries.

  13. Laurenizzel

    GIRL! I so feel you on this. I think its just a sign of everything we feel like we arn’t heard on. I personally am on Zoloft as a result of an outburst
    affectionately referred to as “the taco incident.”

  14. tanya

    lettuce and onion. yuk. but i can’t help ya. pick em off, maybe?
    *sigh* ranch dressing. there’s a hole in men’s brains that won’t allow them to recall ranch dressing. i keep a bottle in the fridge, because papa john’s has *never* brought my side of ranch to go with my breadsticks. never. even tho i paid for it every time. accept that it’s a male gender flaw and buy a bottle just for curly fries.

  15. BJ

    I am with you on this one Yvonne. I’ve been married 13 years and you’d think by now he’d have it right. I order the same exact thing every single time from the same restaurant. I never vary it at all, and yet he can never order for me and get it right, how is this possible? I can order for him at any fast food place around and get it right. It’s just not right I tell ya. It’s just not right. *shaking head*

  16. BillH

    Yvonne, we men are really a stupid lot. It took me 22 years (no, not the Styx song!) to figure out that my wife didn’t like tenderloins. Jeez – you’d think I’d have paid more attention to the most important person in my life.

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